Wow, things just took a turn.

I don’t think you were wrong, but I do think this is why people on this site speak a lot about money coming with strings and to set clear expectations and boundaries when you begin planning. Yes, it’s your wedding, but if your parents were paying that makes them the hosts of the party.

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I'll admit I didn't know the "rule" that if they pay then they get to invite some people. But, so I let them invite some people. But how are you inviting more people than ME, I'm the bride... I'm so furious right now. Like don't offer to pay if you are going to run the show.

My dad is footing most of he bill for our wedding. He has had a lot of opinions about things, but my FH and I ultimately make the decision. However, with the guest count, I let him add whoever he wants. He is paying for the food, so I don't care much. I haven't met half the people he is inviting, but he's worked with them for many years so they definitely know of me. It is YOUR day, but if they are footing the bill, why does it matter to you how many people are there? What I care about, personally, is that the people I care most about are there. The people my dad invites does not impact me too much - I'll just have to say hello to more people.

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It just doesn't make sense to me to have people at our wedding that don't even know us. Hell, while going through our friend lists I was like "I like her, and we're friends, but I haven't seen her in years..." So, they wouldn't get an invite. Small and intimate was what I was aiming for, not - "Hi, nice to meet you, welcome to my wedding" lol.

I dunno, the whole thing is up in the air now anyways. My parents aren't speaking to me and now me and my fiance are scrambling to figure out if we can afford this now.

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I can understand that for sure! We made cuts wherever we could in terms of friends but we just decided to let my dad do his thing and avoid the stress since he's paying for it. I can definitely see your issue though!

Hopefully things will work out and you can get back on speaking terms. Good luck!

That’s a-shame that their offer to pay comes with such strings attached. It’s your day and if you don’t want them there then you will have to pay for your own wedding and personally that’s what I would do. I wouldn’t want people I don’t know to attend. I think you did the right thing. Stand firm.

Yep. This happened to me. However, I did put my foot down and say there would be no wedding and they caved. Since then there has been some hostility with my mother and she keeps trying to invite more people. I picked a venue that only allows 85 people so this helped a bit (kind of a way to beat the system). It shouldn't be like this but it is.

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Are you parents paying for the wedding?

I hear you, it shouldn't be like this. I just want to say to them "Why do you want to invite people that I don't want there?" Have a party of your own and invite all the people you want. MY wedding? I just don't get it.

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They are contributing to it, paying a lump sum. My mom keeps asking what my FH's parents are contributing which I think is rude. His mom has passed and his dad isn't really close with us so we're covering most of the wedding ourselves. We were going to cover the whole thing until they offered and I assumed it was guilt free but I guess that wasn't the case.

I've learned to keep control over everything and not share unnecessary info with them. YOU send the save the dates no one else and you talk to the venue, vendors etc. We wanted a wedding with 40 people and we now have a guest list of 85 people, all of whom we know fairly well. My mom keeps trying to add more people but I can use our venue guest limit as an excuse which has worked so far. Get ready for a lot of rude comments--my mom has already said she doesn't like the venue and can't see my vision. Not sure how you can hate an adorable Inn from the 1800s with lots of character but I know its because it's not a huge hall that can fit ALL of her friends, instead it's small like how me and my FH pictured and it's going to be perfect.

Just remember to breathe and don't loose your cool.

Wedding are very emotional for everyone, so you need to be cautious about getting to the root of things with your family and not just say no (especially since they are paying). My parents are paying. Though I want a small wedding, my mom feels very obligated to invite certain people she is friends with that I am not close to. She feels like she is going to offend people by not inviting them. It has been a very careful balancing game for both of use to figure out who to invite. It was definitely a compromise! We agreed on a number of "freebie" invites that she got that I had no say in for her friends and she got to make her own cuts.

Since everything seems heated right now with the family, this is how I would start. I would invite my parents out to chill no wedding talk dinner with my FH. Relax have fun and let all of you guys off the hook for all this stress. After that goes well, I would set up a time with them to talk wedding details. I would ask my parents to make a list of people they want to invite, that have not already been invited. After they make their list, I would explain to them why I want a small wedding and ask if there was anyone on the new list that they would be willing to cut to help you achieve this vision you have for your big day.

Remember, it is YOUR day, but you are THEIR baby! It is a big deal your child getting married. Give them some grace. Realize this is stressful for everyone and try to make it fun and light hearted when at all possible. "You catch more files with honey!" Or as my mom always tells me, use your charm! They obviously love you or they wouldn't care.

If you want a small wedding it seems very possible you both can pay for it on your own, then YOU get to control the guests list, venue, drinks and anything else some parents freak out about.

Yes, you reacted but you voiced your frustration and truth. Yay! You’re adulting. Now, talk to your fiancé and figure out what you both want. If it’s a small wedding then you can apologize to your parents for your reaction (or not) and tell them this isn’t what you want and you both want a small wedding and are fine paying for it on your own. Politely take back planning control.

In a few cases, parents don’t show up or threaten not to show up but honestly if that happens their loss. Please plan a wedding with your sweetie that makes you both happy. ❤️

Remember that the “it’s your day” concept is fairly new/modern. Historically weddings were the PARENT’S day to celebrate the marriage of their children. Hence the parents paid for everything and invitations were worded as “so and so invite you to celebrate the wedding of their daughter X to Y, son of so and so”.

IMO if you really want a day that’s about you, you should pay for it. If you and your FH really do want a small intimate wedding with like 20 people that would be pretty affordable, anyway.