Would you still Invite this kind of person?

My bridesmaid actually chose coachella over my bachelorette day! she "forgot" that my bachelorette day was that day and had gotten tickets to coachella. i was super annoyed but i just said ok whatever [but it worked out better that way in the end because my friend that couldn't go to the bachelorette eventually could for the new date].

so i can TOTALLY see your annoyance with this because it is kind of annoying. but yeah i think i would just re-invite them.

He already had money invested and it’s not really his fault that your postponed date fell when he had plans. If your wedding was already scheduled and then he decided he wanted to go to the concert, your frustration would make more sense. I’d definitely still invite him.

I think you read that wrong. Coachella got postponed to their already planned wedding weekend and he made the decision to attend Coachella over their wedding.

Yeah, that’s annoying. I’m petty so I would definitely make him feel some type of way for throwing us to the back burner. Especially since he can attend Coachella any year. I probably would still re-invite him but only if he brought it up. I wouldn’t go searching for his attendance he made that clear that Coachella was more important than your wedding. So let him come to you and make him sweat for a week or two. 😂🤣

View Quoted Comment You are absolutely right!! Thank you

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Yea, I don't know. Guests are never "obligated" to go to your wedding, but he made it clear to you that you were a lower priority than Coachella, so that would make me second guess wanting to host that guy (and possibly a date) at the wedding. I don't really feel like spending $100+ on a free date night for someone who doesn't care about me enough to put one of the most important nights in my life ahead of something that happens every year.

I honestly feel you wouldn't be wrong for not including him, and if there is some other guest you added to your list in his place that you would rather have there, then I would stick by that decision. If your fiance really wants him there and you aren't facing any limits on your guest list (or having to choose between this guy and someone else) then maybe I'd just go along with it if I thought it meant something to my fiance.

I wouldn't worry about him...but I would have taken offense to it, too, so he wouldn't be on my priority list. If he asks about it, I would re-invite him, but I would probably drag my feet on the reply I'm kind of a jerk that way, though...

View Quoted Comment Exactly! And this same friend nearly missed his own brother’s wedding a few weeks ago. I don’t want to risk inviting him, him rsvp-ing yes, and then he doesn’t show up.

I feel like you and your FH are a priority to this friend. Coachella literally happens every year (except this year of course) while your wedding is only happening once. I could see him being more on the fence if it was an event that was only happening once or only happened every few years. Still, I'd much rather celebrate my friends than go to a music concert.

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Yea if he's just the flakey sort who doesn't really consider how his actions impact other people then that is not the type of person I'd be prioritizing at my wedding. Invite someone else you like who will really appreciate being there or just save $$ and make your list 1-2 people smaller.

Invite someone else who prioritizes your friendship more

I wouldn’t. Unless he’s like a best friend, although a best friend would make sure that they are at their best friends wedding. Only invite people that bring value to your day and in 20 years you’ll be glad they were there.

I simply wouldn’t re-invite. He showed you who he is, so he needs to know his place.

I think if your fiancé wants to re-invite him, it isn’t worth the fight. Pick your battles, and in my opinion, this one just isn’t worth it. Annoying, sure, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal to get so angry and offended over. A wedding is never going to be as important to everyone else as it is to the two people getting married. Invite him and let it go.

I would say uninvite!

It would depend on how he initially expressed he couldn’t come! If he was really upset he couldn’t make it because Coachella was moved to that weekend (and he was attending because the plans and tickets were already paid for ie a sunk cost) I would consider reinviting. If we was like kind of nonchalant about missing the wedding I wouldn’t reinvite him now that you know his plans might have changed. I don’t think him saying he would not be able to attend because he planned to go to Coachella is the worst thing personally. If it wasn’t a close friend or relative I probably wouldn’t sacrifice all the money I put into my vacation. It was actually kind of preemptive for him to say he couldn’t come since you would have had this conversation months before you sent out invites to RSVP. Since it’s your fiances friend I would let him make the decision.

If he’d already purchased tickets to Coachella when you guys postponed your date, I think it’s pretty reasonable to invite him. He’d already paid for it and my understanding is Coachella can be a fairly expensive event. Plus, if your future spouse isn’t bothered by it, I’d let it go.


I get being irritated though! It’s super easy to feel slighted or upset by a lot of things people do regarding our weddings. But especially if he’s not married, he’s not going to get it. It took my FH explaining to someone exactly how expensive weddings are, for them to understand why some people get left off the guest list (for example, kids or random dates)

Everyone on my guestlist was someone I invited because I genuinely wanted them there. So I can’t imagine their plans shifting affecting my desire to have them there. I had someone RSVP no and then a week before the wedding they reached out that their plans had changed and now they were available and could they still come ? THAT was inconvenient as I had to change up my already done seating chart , and I would’ve been within my right to say no it’s too late — but, I didn’t. I said yes and figured it out because I was happy that this person could now come.


People have all sorts of reasons to miss weddings , some are terrible sure but many are just because people are juggling busy lives and have to prioritize. Sometimes there’s a lot to it. I skipped a wedding once because it was the same time as my annual family vacation. That excuse if given as such might sound bad to a couple — a vacation over my wedding?! But, my perspective was the opposite. My vacation was a huge deal to me as it’s the one time of year I get to see and spend real quality time with my family and I’m not going to give that up easily. I’d have LOVED to have gone to my friend’s wedding. But I had to weigh my priorities. Every guest will when they choose to accept the invitation or not. I invited everyone from my list even if they’d mentioned they already knew they couldn’t make it , just in case their situation changed, and so they knew I wanted them there