Would it be rude to invite people not initially on the guest list?

I agree with you, it is rude and your new guests are going to feel like a second thought.

I agree that it's rude to add people now that there are more declines.

View Quoted Comment Would it be rude to allow current guests plus ones? I personally would rather leave it as it is. Less stress and work to do. The amount of people there doesn't really matter to me. But if it would make those guests more comfortable then I would allow it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

Yes this is B listing which is very rude. If you have declines, you move forward with the 20 or so guests who confirmed and leave the rest be. The last minute invites know they are seat fillers and won't take kindly to it but they won't tell you that.

View Quoted Comment

No, I think that would be great actually.

I think it would be rude to invite people that you initially had no intentions of inviting. However, I think it would be very nice of you to allow your current guests to bring a plus one.

View Quoted Comment If people are in relationships the partner should automatically be invited, regardless of how long they have been together.


Most single guests will know others there so it's not required but it you know they are with someone, it is courteous to honor and respect their relationship as well.

It would be rude to send a second round of invites.

I think it's OK to do this. B listing is common--it's a fact of life that you can't have everyone and as people drop out, it makes more space for more people. Don't sweat it. Invite these other folks. They'll be happy you did!

View Quoted Comment The way I made the guest list, I made sure that everyone would atleast know one person there. Some people I opted to invite mom and daughter or mom and son but no plus ones to either. It's just been stressful because people that don't ever talk to me all the sudden want to bring their entire family like it's free or something. We just want the people that we know and care about. I gave limited people plus ones because I didn't want them to feel awkward. I just don't want to make this even more stressful or add a financial burden on us because people want to bring people that we don't even know, or everyone wants to tell my mom that they want to attend but they don't ever personally talk or reach out to me. But I don't agree that everyone who is in a relationship should bring their plus one. One of my friends has a boyfriend that I just could personally do without. I am not going to make myself of my guest feel uncomfortable to make one person happy.

I think it all depends on your relationship with the ones you are inviting late. My FH and I we're once invited to a wedding two weeks before the wedding. It was new neighbors who were working late in the house they just bought and we brought them pizza, 7 years later no longer neighbors but still good friends!

When making the first list, if there were people you really wanted but cut because of the budget, come invitation time you may send them invitations, why not? But people you did not much care about then, added because there is room? That does not make sense and also will make keeping a good distance between people harder.

My fiance and I have been very open our B-listing. I know that it is often considered rude, but my husband has an incredibly large immediate family, all of which live overseas. We doubt they will be able to come due to covid. But because our venue has limited capacity we didn't want to risk over-inviting.

We have several friends we would like to be there, and we've just been upfront and said "We want you to come, but weddings are stupid expensive, and this is the venue we can get within our budget. We don't believe that fiance's family will make it, when they RSVP no, we'll hand out your invites, if that is okay?"

People seem to appreciate our honesty. We didn't not invite them because we don't want them there. Guest list making is just a horrible exercise that forces you to prioritise some friendships over others.

View Quoted Comment You're right, thank you!

View Quoted Comment Allowing any current guests that are asking for a plus one is totally fine since you have the space with declines. You can even reach out to some that didn’t initially have a plus one of you think it would make them more comfortable to have one. But I agree that inviting people now that you have declines would be rude.

View Quoted Comment This is very rude. Unless her boyfriend has done something terrible to you (violent, verbally abusive) it is extremely inappropriate for you to disrespect their relationship while asking her to celebrate yours just because you don’t care for him. There are plenty of people I don’t like but being an adult I have to sometimes act like an adult and deal with them.

This happened with us back in August. My husband’s family in CA waited until the last possible minute to tell us they couldn’t come, and then his dads side of the family dropped out too, leaving us with quite a few open seats that we were already paying for. We were having only a 60 person wedding, so the distant family and his parents friends who weren’t invited were told this initially since we were paying for ourselves so they wouldn’t be offended. When my MIL’s family decided not to come, she asked if she could reach out to her friends and I said of course. She said her family is unable to come so they would love to invite their “friend family” and her friends were thrilled. They weren’t upset that they weren’t invited initially and didn’t feel as though they were a B list - they knew our situation from the beginning, and were very happy that we remembered them and wanted to have them share the day with us if given the opportunity. And they partied the hardest there lol

I think this is fairly common, especially during Covid.


The last wedding my FH and I were invited to (a few weeks ago), we were B listers. We had a great time! It was a small wedding anyway, and we didn’t expect to get invited but knew a lot of the guests who were so we were happy to come and have a fun time.
I can only imagine getting offended if I had truly expected to get invited in the first place.