Worried About Misbehaving Kids at Formal Wedding

How old are the kids? I would set up a kid's table with activity books, coloring, disposable cameras, small toys, blocks, etc. for them to stay occupied. I'm typically against distracting children with screen time, but if they have tablets that the parents could bring along with headphones, that might keep them busy long enough to get the important stuff done.

Is there any way you can talk to the parents or other adults that know the children and just ask them to make sure they keep an eye out for the kids during the ceremony? I know that kind of seems like you're asking parents to be parents, but maybe they'll understand how nervous you are about having them running wild. I mean at the end of the day, kids will be kids, it just depends on if their parents/ones responsible are around to monitor them. I think if you explain your concerns and the amount of time & money you've invested in your wedding, they'd probably understand.

My 3 nephews will be our "ring security" since we have no girls in the family and will be foregoing the flower girl. They will be 8 (his nephew), 8, and 3 (my nephews). 3 year old's are kind of hit or miss, which I understand but any time I've seen him he has been an angel. My 8 year old nephew is always very well behaved but my brother and his wife tend to be a bit selfish and I can just see them disappearing and my parents feeling obligated to play babysitter which I want to avoid at all cost. HF's 8 year old nephew definitely suffers from only child syndrome and his parents have 2 VERY different parenting styles. FH's sister tries to talk him down calmly which only works when dad isn't around. Dad's approach, however, is significantly more aggressive (like a smack on the cheek for wanting a hot dog on our cruise last year instead of the fancy meal we were eating...not judging not being a parent myself but...really?). Anyway, we have a second small room across the hall from the reception where we will be stationing the boys and a babysitter with a small projector for a movie, some games and crafts and the like. They are more than welcome to join the party if they want but the babysitter will be responsible for keeping them under control. I know the sitter's eyes cant be on all 3 of them at once, especially if they are in the different rooms, but she'll be close enough to step in and bring them to a quiet place for a time out or whatever should they misbehave instead of having FH's BIL going Macho Man Randy Savage on his kid in the middle of my wedding.

We're actually doing a wedding without kids. My family is large with a number of little ones, but for reasons such as this, we've decided to make the day "adult only". My nieces and nephews are invited, due to them being honorary flower girl/ring patrol.

On our invites we included this line: Although we love your little ones, this is an adult only affair. Enjoy your date night!

I feel you on this one. I have similar concerns, but not sure hiring a baby-sitter is in our budget. I’m pretty sure some of our friends wouldn’t want to use a baby-sitter they hadn’t chosen themselves. I think you could try having a baby-sitter at the reception itself to distract them instead of in the hotel? Sorry your FH isn’t getting it.

... and this is why I’m not having kids at my wedding.

You need to talk to the parents and tell them that they need to make sure the kids are behaving and occupied or they will be asked to leave. It isn't your job to have to worry about their kids.

View Quoted Comment 😂 You always crack me up, Kenisha!!! Please start your own blog or write for a magazine.

I don't know...unfortunately, I think this is something you are just going to have to deal with. I can't see an option that would work without coming off as offensive. As a parent, it might rub me the wrong way if someone approached me asking me to find a way to ensure my kids don't misbehave. With that being said, my children are great and don't misbehave, but I have seen plenty of "lazy parents" with unruly kids. If you hadn't already asked them to be in the wedding, I think i'd opt for no ring bearers etc. and explain there will be no other kids there, so you didn't want them to be the only ones (because that is no fun for them). Your best option here (in my opinion) is to provide kid activities (coloring books, small quiet toys) and hope the parents are smart enough to bring a tablet. No matter what, you can't prevent them from acting up. That is their parent's job, and their parent's job only. Just try to not let it bother you, because no wedding goes perfect and smooth.

We're also having a kid-free wedding aside from our flower girl (bridesmaid's daughter), ring bearers (FH's nephews), and a friend's son (FH's godson who has special needs). We'll have a 9 year old and three 4 year olds; and I trust the parents and grandparents to help keep them in line. Plus it helps when we've known them all since they were born- we kind of have pseudo parenting rights.

But we will be prepared with goody bags for all of the kids with games, toys, and snacks. Our bridal suite also has lots of comfy couches and a big screen TV. Given that we're having an evening wedding, I've told all of the moms that the kids are welcome to go upstairs to the bridal suite and chill out.

I feel your concern. My little cousins beat each other up everytime I see them for some reason. Then they burst into tears and start screaming. And the parents just ignore them...

Kids misbehaving is why our first decision before even getting engaged was that we’re having a kid free wedding no matter what. I think you need to advocate for what you want because it’ll stress you out all the way from now until your wedding wondering how they’ll act. I would absolutely “lock them up” if it meant not having to worry about them.

View Quoted Comment

I totally agree with you, Danielle.

Telling the parents outright to keep their kids in check will come off wrong, whether or not they are aware that their kid's behavior is less than desirable at times. As far as the babysitter is concerned, you can offer it, but you also need to understand if they decline your offer. Since they're going to be in the wedding, you can't really banish them from the reception, especially if the parents want the kids with them. I can't really see a way to prevent the poor behavior besides having things to keep them busy and hoping that does the trick.

As a parent of two small children myself, I would most certainly come prepared with things to keep them busy and occupied (and hopefully quiet). But kids will be kids in the end.

I would talk to your fiance again. Explain what you saw at the other events and your anticipation for it at your wedding, ruining pictures and video and taking away from the wedding. It's unfortunate you asked them to be involved already, because it sounds like an adults only wedding is a better option.

Yeah, I won’t be having kids at my wedding. Fiancé and I both agree that it’s not an appropriate place for kids.

Not knowing these particular children, it's hard to know for sure.... BUT I do remember having similar worries to you.... I had 28 children (all family) at my wedding (ages 1 -12 out of 185 guests). I don't recall a single noise, annoyance, running, etc. from the entire day. It's probably a combination of parents being extra diligent at a wedding and me being so busy/occupied that I may not have noticed. I did have custom wedding coloring books which kept them busy during dinner , the bar made them kid cocktails and then they loved to dance, use the Photo Booth etc. It sounds like it's too late to change your kid approach so I hope you have the same experience I did. Good Luck!

You could give them little age appropriate package with games and coloring books and what not to keep them occupied during the the sit down parts of the reception

What are their parents doing while all of this is going on? Call me old fashioned, but if me or my siblings behaved that way at a family event (wedding, funeral, etc.) we would have been in serious trouble!!!! I mean, I get that kids get bored sometimes at grown-up events, but that doesn't mean it's ok for them to act like hooligans! My parents would have kicked some serious kid butt if we dared run around or yelled and screamed.

I don't get why parents these days don't make kids behave! It starts with the parents. Hopefully you or FH can have a calm discussion with these parents about how their kids are expected to behave at your formal event. I wish you luck.

View Quoted Comment

Ditto, same here.

Perhaps their parents need to explain to them that they need to have special behavior because this is such a special day.