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Katharine
Savvy April 2022

Worried about guest's drug use (cocaine..etc..)

Katharine, on January 31, 2020 at 12:05 PM Posted in Community Conversations 1 12

I just want to start this by say personally I don't care what people do in their own time if they're moderate about it and it doesn't interfere with them working, going to school, being a contributing member of society. My FH and I decided that other than alcohol we would lead a substance free lifestyle because that is what makes us both comfortable.

However we do have friends (even our parents have friends) who use cocaine at parties. Again I don't care if they do this on their own time but not only do I not feel uncomfortable having this at my wedding- I feel that my venue as great as they are would not tolerate that ONE bit and would kick us all out. Not to mention my mother's side of the family is pretty religious and I am sure most of them have never even been around that sort of environment.

I want to ask specific people to please not bring sustenance to my wedding- but I don't want to offend or start any sort of conflict. I have no reason to believe anyone struggles with any sort of addiction I just don't want it there at my wedding. We've paid for top shelf liquor and I feel that's fine enough. What would be the best way to ask/tell people about this?

Thank you!

12 Comments

Latest activity by Laminetrack1, on November 15, 2022 at 8:41 AM
  • B
    Dedicated June 2022
    beee ·
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    I have similar concerns. I intend to add something to my website that mentions the open bar but that my venue has a zero tolerance policy for drugs of any kind.
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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Ehhh I am interested to see the replies to this. One would think people would know better, but that isn't a light drug to be messing with. In other words, they may not know better. You might need to tell them to isn't welcome but also have your bridal party be on the lookout for poor behavior. If people need to be asked to leave then so be it. Considering it is an illegal substance, that could put the venue and you, as the bride and groom, at a huge risk.
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  • John Smith
    Expert February 2015
    John Smith ·
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    I like this, because then it removes you from the situation to a certain degree and puts the emphasis on the venue's policy, not your own preference. No one can feel attacked because it's just their policy.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    We don't personally do cocaine, but some of our friend's do (the ones that party harder than others). None of them did it at our wedding, they were aware of the event and knew how to act appropriately. You really won't be able to prevent anyone from doing drugs if they bring them, so I wouldn't worry. You can always hire security to be ready if anyone gets out of control.

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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    Unfortunately what I've found throughout life is that more people are doing cocaine than we all think. I do not- but I know people who dabble in it at parties. I really think most people would know a wedding is not an appropriate place to be doing so (especially since their are guests of all ages, religions, etc.) there. But realistically if they are going to do it, you probably won't see them do it, you probably won't know, and you can't really stop them. It's no different than a guest being drunk at your wedding - ideally security will kick them out if they are sloppy (no matter what the source of the sloppiness is).

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  • Katie
    Devoted March 2019
    Katie ·
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    Like other comments have stated, I would hope that some people would be courteous to not bring hard drugs to a wedding - out of respect of the couple getting married as well as the establishment the wedding is held in and their legal obligations/policies. I do feel like you'd be doing your due diligence in terms of talking to friends/family regarding hard drugs. I think two things to consider here are:

    1. Is this a concern that someone is going to show up high and cause wedding chaos (or are they relatively "normal" in behavior when high?) OR

    2. Is it a legal concern that someone will physically bring drugs to the wedding?


    How you approach these discussions will likely depend on which of these things is more of an issue for you. Depending on who it is/how close you are to them, you can also enlist in others to pass on the message (ex: my mom had a discussion with my aunt about smoking at the wedding, or having your FH talk to the best man). There are a million reasons you don't want hard drugs at your wedding, and if these are truly not addicts, they should be able to respect it when you say "because there will be kids at the wedding, we don't want any drugs that could be a source of danger" "reviewing the venue policies, the presence of any drugs is grounds to immediately shut down the wedding, which would be so heartbreaking for us!" "We have such an amazing bar for the wedding reception, and I'd be a lot more comfortable if any other substances were left at home for our big day". You've maintained relationships with these people for a long time, all of which they have been using and you have not, without issue, so this shouldn't be an issue either Smiley smile

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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    Girl, I feel you so much on this! Some of our guests are frequent mary jane smokers and I personally do not care what they do but I cannot stand it nor do I want to have it around me and so many of our guests were my husband bosses and co workers and he would have been mortified and highly pissed off because he is very anti MJ and cigarettes considering that he is allergic to smoke. I didn't put anything on my website about it but did reach out to those I knew would be trying to partake and let them know it was not going to be tolerated. If they just had to do it, they would need to go off premises to do it. They are adults so you cannot tell them what to do but you can at least let them know that you are not going to allow it. I did smell it on some people but didn't see it so I am assuming they at least respected us and our other guests enough to go somewhere else to do it. Good luck!

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    I would think that people know weddings aren't the place for illegal substances, but then again...

    If your guests know you know they do hard drugs, then it might make sense to just talk to them about it and ask them not to bring any or use at your wedding. From a legal perspective, even if you were 100% fine with it and didn't care if they did it at your wedding, you could still be liable for their actions and I would not in any way want to be held responsible for hosting a party where illegal drugs were used. So I think you could have a conversation with them about it without making it seem like you are judging them for using, just making it clear its a no go at the venue.

    Also, I think its totally fine to tell your friends you don't approve of their habit and they can do whatever they want on their own time but at your wedding it is just not appropriate and won't be tolerated. That might not be a popular opinion, but I don't think you need to tolerate other people's bad habits and poor lifestyle choices at your wedding. If I went to a dry wedding I wouldn't take shots beforehand; I would respect the couple's wishes for a sober event.

    I hate smoking and my MOH and her boyfriend smoke and are staying in our AirBnB on site for the wedding. My MOH was already planning on wearing a nicotine patch before I even said anything to her because she doesn't feel smoking is a good look in a pretty dress and doesn't want to be smoking at a wedding because she doesn't feel its appropriate for a "classy" event. So your friends will probably get it, and if they don't they probably have more a using problem than you think.

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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    I would hope your friend's wouldn't do cocaine before or during your wedding. If they're open about their drug use with you, I would just be straight up and tell them you'd appreciate it if they don't use/bring it to your wedding - although, that's common sense. It shouldn't offend anyone. What's offensive is if they were to actually do that at someone's wedding.

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Quite frankly, I wouldn’t invite someone to my wedding I’d be concerned would do cocaine while there. Then, there is nothing to stress over.
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  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie ·
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    This is so crazy! Sorry, I don't want to sound judgmental and I'm probably really naïeve, but I can't even imagine needing to think about that. I fully expect some people will smoke weed and or take edibles. Maybe? I dunno there are some big drinkers. I guess I've never really been around it
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Honestly, if they’re friends can’t you say something like, “You know we love you and don’t care that you party but if you could please not do coke at our wedding... my family is super religious and I’m already freaking out about the day in general.” I don’t have friends who do drugs and if I had been worried about friends getting wasted I probably would have said something in a joking way like “I love you but please don’t get sh*tfaced at my wedding. I’m trying to keep it classy. At least til 10 pm.” 😝
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