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Abby
Beginner August 2022

Worried about fh family not showing!

Abby, on February 26, 2021 at 11:39 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
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My FH and I currently live about an hour away from my family and 2-3 hours away from his. We haven't chosen a venue yet, as we aren't sure if its going to be in my home town. My family will come visit us about very two weeks or so, and we'll go visit them about every three weeks. His family though has visited us twice since we started living together a year ago and that was because we babysat his younger brothers for a few hours. He complains a lot about the fact that they don't come visit us now as it is.

My home town is a highly sought after tourist destination, so we will need to book blocks of rooms as soon as possible. BUT the issue is that I'm worried that since his family already doesn't come visit us, that they won't want to make the trip down to my home town about a 3-4 hour drive for them. His mom might try to coax them down by trying to pay for the rooms for them, which I wouldn't want her to do. She has six kids still living at home with her and a tight budget already.

I know he'll be devastated if only a small amount of his family shows, compared to my side. (Which is about 100 family members on its own)

14 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Spring, on February 26, 2021 at 5:05 PM
  • Apryl
    Dedicated March 2022
    Apryl ·
    • Flag
    I think they'd make the drive for the wedding.
    I wouldn't think twice about that drive.

    Have they expressed interest in the wedding ?
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    I would suggest FH having a conversation with his family and simply ask if they would be willing to travel for the wedding. Is there hesitation to visit covid related? Most people have not been visiting family this past year.
    • Reply
  • Abby
    Beginner August 2022
    Abby ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    They have expressed some interest in attending, but a lot are still trying to get back one their feet from covid last year.

    • Reply
  • Sharonda
    Rockstar January 2021
    Sharonda ·
    • Flag

    I don't know if there is much more you can do about that besides invite them to the wedding and make them aware of the lodging options -- unless you decide to change the location to accommodate them. But even then, there is no guarantee they will show up. I had this same concern with my minimony which was about 3 hours from my family and 5 hours from my husband's family. At first, we were only inviting immediate family, but then we decided to invite our aunts, uncles and godparents as well. While all of my aunts and uncles and godparents were onboard and came to my wedding, none of his aunts, uncles or godparents did. (When they received the invitations, they told us that it was too far. I thought I was being thoughtful when I picked the location because had I picked my hometown or the city where I currently live, it would have been even further away from his family -- like 8 to 10 hours). I asked my husband if he wanted to invite anyone else since his aunts, uncles and godparents weren't coming, and he said no - he was fine with their decision. Plus, my family loves him and treats him like family so he didn't feel like he was missing out. I felt bad, but I did what I was supposed to do (invite them) and it was their decision not to attend.

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  • Abby
    Beginner August 2022
    Abby ·
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    His grandma won't leave her house because she's terrified of covid. His family won't travel anything past an hour away from where they live most of the time in general. He's said that he'll talk to them when the time gets closer since its in August next year. But with it being a tourist town, we'll have to book almost a year in advanced for a block at a hotel.

    I guess I'm just really nervous since we plan of buying a house this year and we have no intention of letting people stay with us. We already have a little one and are talking about another, so it'd be a full house.

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  • Abby
    Beginner August 2022
    Abby ·
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    I plan to invite everyone he wants on his side. My family adores him and treats him like family, but I'm worried he'll still be upset if they don't come.

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  • Sharonda
    Rockstar January 2021
    Sharonda ·
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    I completely understand, and I felt the same way you did (but honestly, I think I was more worried and upset than he was). However, unless you are going to move your location, there isn't much you can do about their decision to come. Hopefully, they will though. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    You really have three options since they are against traveling. A.) make it as easy as possible for them by providing lodging B.) have the wedding closer to them or C.) accept that they likely won’t come
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag

    If people want to attend, they will make the effort. I would not move the venue to them.

    • Reply
  • Abby
    Beginner August 2022
    Abby ·
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    That really is the harsh reality of it, but I we can't afford lodging for them and we may have a backyard wedding if we get the house we want. It'd be about where we live now.

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  • Abby
    Beginner August 2022
    Abby ·
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    We haven't picked a venue yet, but I would prefer my home town. (I can get a discount there)

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    May I ask, how often does he expect his family to visit him? Especially during covid? I live 2 hours away from much of my family and they never visit me. My mom lives 7 hours away and visits me once a year. I don't recommend anyone to ever have expectations of how frequently family should visit. Unless he was a minor living away from his parents for some reason.
    • Reply
  • Abby
    Beginner August 2022
    Abby ·
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    They always talk about coming down to visit. The few times that they have come to town they don't tell him or stop and visit. He usually finds out after they have already left. So it's kind of hard on him when they do things like that.

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Okay, I can understand the disappointment of them being in your currebt city and not stopping by nor calling u to ask if you can meet at a cafe/restaurant/shopping center.
    I recommend that HE tells them that it would mean a lot to him if they definitely came to the wedding and that he's concerned they may not come due to past behavior patterns
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