Words of encouragement

I'm sorry you're feeling stressed, but this post is extremely vague and it will be difficult for anyone to give you real advice.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry. We are getting married in July. My fiancé is catholic. And we have a priest for the wedding. But my fiancé had expressed he wanted to get married in July outside of a church. And most priest will refuse to marry outside of a church because it’s not the catholic tradition. And in the catholic religion there are marriage classes and to my understanding they take at least a year or so. And he wants to get married in July.
I was talking to a friend of mine and his about it. And she said to get someone else to do the wedding instead of a priest which would go against his religion. And the only thing he asked for with the wedding was a priest and to do it outside of the church if the priest would allow us to. And it’s just stressing me out and I’ve cried myself to sleep the past couple days due to this single situation. This friend nor most of my family isn’t religious so I would expect them to understand.

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I'm sorry this is stressing you out, but your friend is right. I've never known a Catholic priest to perform a wedding ceremony outside of the church. What your fiancé wants are two contradicting things. This is definitely a situation wherein he needs to decide what's more important: getting married in July (and outside of the church), or having a priest perform the ceremony.

You could do even more digging to see if you could find a priest willing to go outside of the church, but if his family/circle is religious, there's a chance they won't accept the marriage as valid, which is something else your groom may have to deal with. It all comes down to the hierarchy of what you both want over everything else.

So, I can’t speak to why you’re friends and family are saying not to get married in the church but I can tell you that at this point unless you have a home church that you attend regularly, the likelihood of you being able to get married by a priest even in a church in 5 months is unlikely. The marriage courses aren’t optional(although some churches do give you options). Applying for a dispensation, which is what you need to get married outside of the church, can also be a lengthy process and unless you’re long standing members of your church, most priests in my experience won’t even help you apply for it.

View Quoted Comment His family/circle seemed fine when he expressed he wanted to have the wedding outside of the church. And the priest he wants is also a marine and he’s hoping to make an exception since they’ve known the priest for 20+ years and are both marines

View Quoted Comment We’re hoping they will at least help us a little bit with the classes because he won’t be able to be present for the classes like he is supposed to be because he can’t have his phone or anything because he’s in training currently until March and then he has 2 months of schooling. And with the priest being a marine and knowing his family for 20+ years were hoping he will be understanding.

View Quoted Comment It’s not up to the priest though. Dispensations aren’t granted by priests. They have to be granted by the diocese.

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That's definitely great, but I don't think individual priests are allowed to make those decisions (I'm not Catholic so I could be wrong, I'm just going off of what my Catholic friends have experienced). I still think it's probably going to come down to your fiancé choosing between these two options.

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There are some Catholic Priests who will marry you outside, but they are tough to come by. You would have to ask around... Having somebody other than a Catholic Priest marry you would be against the Catholic faith. Fingers crossed you can find one to marry you outdoors.

As far as the marriage class, they don't take a year. You typically do you first meeting with the Priest to get the basics and information about you/FH, then you have to take Pre Cana which is usually a 1 day or weekend thing (sometimes you can do this online! Even though that isn't what they prefer -- would have to ask your Priest), then you meet with the Priest again and do the FOCCUS test. The Pre Cana isn't optional and you both have to be present. It is a mandatory class for Catholics.

I wish you the best of luck & hope it works out for you to get married in July

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I am sorry you are stressed but here is my opinion...not your issue to solve. I know planning sometimes falls more on us brides which is stressful but it sounds to be that your husband is being the stickler wanting two exact things so personally I would sit down and tell him that he needs to make that happen. That should not be solely on you especially to the point you are crying yourself to sleep. He needs to step in and take on that responsibility.

My fiancé was very naïve about how the Catholic church + marriage by a priest thing worked. He thought FOR SURE you could have a Catholic priest marry you outside a church. Nope. I think you and your fiancé need to meet with a local priest so he can hear it from their mouth. That's what we did. Even though I had been telling him all along it was impossible he didn't believe it until he heard it from them--- I think he thought he could find one who would be willing. Also, our marriage course was 2 hours on a Friday evening and 7 hours on a Saturday. That's it. Done!

Many places offer weekend retreats, about $400 instead of the spread out 6 pre cana sessions done with your own priest. Various dioceses and religious affiliated places ( here, nearby Catholic College) offer these 1 weekend alternatives. Don't know where you live, but if you post it, people in your area might help. I have been to outdoor Catholic weddings at War Memorials with consecrated altars outdoors, most recently an outdoor one at Cathedral of the Pines. The priest ordinarily teaches at a Catholic University. He was able to get permission through the local diocese for doing it outdoors. If you complete pre cana, but marry outdoors with any Christian Clergy, the Roman Catholic Church has a procedure for such valid marriages, to bring you into church recognized marriage. Look into it. Or take a pre cana retreat very soon, and ask there. Most people I know who have had a Catholic wedding outdoors, have had a willing priest, not pastor of a local church at the time, like one affiliated with a school or Catholic organization . Or a friend or relative who is a priest.
Since the church will recognize any Christian marriage, with pre cana in the Catholic Church, you may want to do that if the family is happy with it. There are many Ministers of a lot of denominations who will happily do outside ceremonies. If either of you attended a college, many have their own clergy, or chapel, but people from area church denominations will marry their students, wherever you like. Retired Ministers also often are a good choice. If you skip pre cana, you have to do it after your Christian marriage before your process to get your marriage recognized by the church. They are better about it if you do it before the wedding. My husband was raised Catholic, and I am not Christian. We did not want to marry in the Church. But his family priest recommended pre cana , and we found the weekend of counseling was great for talking about subjects that never came up in conversation, about what our personal moral choices, or codes of behavior are, as in, what will we teach our children in everyday living, not church doctrine. Assumptions you each have about who runs the household, or to what extent things are shared equally, and finances, and relationships before and after marriage with parents and in-laws, were good to get people talking. Check out a retreat style pre cana, online, or through your diocese .

DH wanted to get married in the Church, so I tried.

We spoke with the priest, we did the precana weekend (it's only a weekend, or sometimes just a day.... and if you are not Catholic, and want to do it, DM me because I had an *experience*).

We may have passed precana, but... I hated it. I loathed it. I thought it was worse than useless, and was, honestly, seriously traumatized. (I am not Christian, so please keep that in mind.) We spoke to the priest again.
The priest avoided us, and then denied us the Church.

We got married in a civil ceremony by our friend, at our venue, and it was perfect.

Priests will not (and cannot) marry you outside of a church. (This is doctrine.) They will not marry you without the precana. They will only do a convocation (I think?) or a blessing if you are already married, and you still need to prove your "worthiness" to them.

You need to sit down and have a deep discussion with your fiance about religion, it's place in your relationship, and what he really wants out of a wedding ceremony.

It sounds like he wants 2 different things. If he wants a catholic wedding with a priest, you need to get married in a church. If he wants to get married outside, then find an officiant and get married in July! I’d tell him to make a decision pretty quickly.

Actuarally, it is not church doctrine, that you must marry in a church. That is current church policy. Very big difference. Priests used to marry people in other places, fairly regularly. And it can be done, still, in many diocese . Also, military people have a little leeway with the chaplain setup. A willing priest seems to be the key. In my early teens, two times we had Catholic priests who performed home weddings on my grandparents property, and my parents. With permission, for about 50 guests at one and about a hundred at another. I am 37. Not that long ago. And 8 years ago, and 10, I was involved in 2 Catholic weddings not in churches. One in the recreation building of a nursing home complex. O e at an outdoor war memorial Park, while in the military. Bride was military. Priest was an Army Chaplain.
Not every place is hard and fast about policy.

Maybe this will be helpful
https://www.milarch.org/marriage-preparation/

Special procedures, including for dispensation, and marriage prep, for military.