Wording on invitation

It can definitely come across as passive aggressive to her bio mom (especially if she is not in a financial position to contribute), and possibly the fiancés family.

Can the actual wedding invite have the Mr and Mrs Jones, Ms. Smith Invite you to the wedding of Bride and Fiancé, Child of *Insert His Parents* or "Together with their families"? and then just have "Reception to Follow" at the end?

To me, invitation wording isn't a hill to die on if it will offend parents of the couple. I think your step daughter should do a preliminary invitation and show it to all parents and see if they are ok with the wording.

Usually when you see this issue, the roles are reversed- the parents are the ones wanting the recognition on the invitation. I think it is incredibly admirable of you to want to forgo your names being listed in order to maintain peace with your son’s in-laws. Since you are more than happy to not have all the recognition, maybe they could put “together with their families, (son) and (FDIL) invite you their wedding…”

The traditional way to do this is to put the names of those who are hosting (aka paying for) the event at the top of the invitation. Traditionally, this has been the brides parents, but as we all know there are all sorts of ways to host and pay for a wedding. You can read all about all the ways to do this in all sorts of various scenarios on how to word the invitations here: https://www.brides.com/story/guide-to-wedding-invitation-wording

Many people opt for the "Together with their families" wording, particularly if there are several parents/grandparents/other relatives/the couple themselves/etc who are paying for the wedding.

In any event, it sounds like your step daughter is trying to give you and your husband credit and thanks for hosting the wedding, which is appropriate. She probably also wants to be conscious of her mother's feelings about this and have a talk with her before printing the invitations so that everybody knows what to expect.