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Devoted August 2022

Wording of Parents on Invitation

Emily, on May 9, 2022 at 12:47 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 11

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We are having a black-tie option wedding, and we are struggling with the wording for the invites. I think the traditional way is misogynistic, and I wanted to include our moms names. We have the names as "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe." When I showed the invites to my parents, they thought it sounded weird and that they think it should be "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe." I personally feel like this is backwards, but I wanted other opinions for the wording.

Thanks!

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Taylor, on May 9, 2022 at 11:47 PM

VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on May 9, 2022 at 1:06 PM
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We did it like "Mr. & Mrs. John & Jane Doe." For black tie I would definitely include the titles. If the woman has a different last name, then we did "Mr. John Doe & Mrs. Jane Smith."
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on May 9, 2022 at 1:14 PM
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You could do "Mr. John Doe & Mrs. Jane Doe" if you want to use titles and full names for everyone.
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Devoted August 2022
Emily · on May 9, 2022 at 1:16 PM
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That's what we initially had, but they we found out that the "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe" was more grammatically correct.
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Devoted August 2022
Emily · on May 9, 2022 at 1:16 PM
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It might be a bit long, but that could work.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on May 9, 2022 at 1:36 PM
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It may not be the "proper" way, but I always thought including middle names sounded more formal. You could do John James Doe and Jane Jamie Doe. Omit the Mr. And Mrs. Altogether to it flows better
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Super May 2022
Sloane · on May 9, 2022 at 4:13 PM
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Hmm I never thought of this as misogynistic, but I like the idea of Mr. And Mrs.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on May 9, 2022 at 5:50 PM
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Agree with this. Plus black tie is the entire atmosphere, not just a dress code. It’s super formal all the way across the board, so titles are expected.
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Devoted August 2022
Emily · on May 9, 2022 at 6:16 PM
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I definitely agree too! Not having titles would look informal.
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Dedicated December 2023
Marlee · on May 9, 2022 at 7:25 PM
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People who are familiar with/used to the so-called rules of etiquette might think including the woman’s first name is “weird”— they might not be actively sexist, just unaccustomed to seeing it. Personally, though, I don’t think it offends anyone to include the woman’s name, or even to put the woman’s name before the man’s on the invite. But some women will certainly be offended to be referred to as an extension of their husband. Someone I know said it reminds them of how in The Handmaid’s Tale, the handmaids are called Of[man’s name]…. I think that’s an extreme comparison, but the point stands.

One note about titles— we decided to do include titles for the sake of people who have Dr., or Rev., or such as their title. We think those people would be very bothered if we dropped their titles.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on May 9, 2022 at 8:57 PM
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As far as professional titles, you can certainly include them but traditional etiquette says that they are reserved for business correspondence/events which a wedding is not. Do with that what you will.
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VIP October 2022
Taylor · on May 9, 2022 at 11:47 PM
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Ours isnt black tie but we only addressed our older crowd by “Mr & Mrs John Doe” as we knew it would matter to them. The rest we didn’t
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