Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Chasity Jackson
Beginner September 2020

Will my bio kids go without?

Chasity Jackson, on September 18, 2019 at 8:32 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 29
Saved
Reply
My fiancé has 2 children from a previous relationship and I have none. We’re getting married in a couple of months and have been considering house options. I’ve always wanted a big family and would like to have 3 of my own children. I’ve always pictured my children having a better life than I did (I had a GREAT childhood btw). So about the house, we’re considering at least a 4 bedroom home due to his two children (Girl: 9 Boy: 7) needing their own room and it’s what we can afford. I’m just wondering where my 3 kids will go? I understand one child will go in the extra 4th room but what about the other two. It’s not that I don’t want to help provide for my soon to be step kids but I feel like my bio children will end up going without. You can’t combine a new born baby & a 9 year old in the same room—or even when they get older. It’s like I’m giving my step kids a better life than my bio kids will have. I’ve always pictured them having their own room so should I start picturing them being crowded in one room? I just feeling a little discouraged right now because it seem like I can’t give my bio kids the life I had/wanted...can somebody help me look on the bright side of things? Maybe I’m overthinking things...

29 Comments

Latest activity by MD, on September 19, 2019 at 3:58 PM
  • H
    Super September 2019
    H ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I think you're thinking too far into this right now, honestly. You said he has 2 and you have none, correct? Even if you were to conceive soon after your wedding (or before) then more than likely, his kids will share a room together just for the sole fact they are older (not because they're his just want to be clear) and the spare will become the nursery.

    Even if not though, the baby won't be sleeping in his or her own room for a good 6m-1yr as it's recommended for baby to sleep in the parents room the first 6m (of course this is only a recommendation so baby doesn't HAVE too).

    As far as the other two, should you decide you still want more after, you would still have plenty of time to figure that out. So many things can change in 3m, 6m, let alone 9m. You may end up deciding to buy another house before you even conceive a second.

    I would worry about who is here now and let everything else fall into place when it's time.
    • Reply
  • Da Mom
    August 2022
    Da Mom ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Once you marry they are your children too and shouldn’t be treated different because they’re not your biological children. If you have 5 kids and 3 bedrooms to put them in, then you double up a couple kids. Kids don’t need their own bedrooms. Given that your existing children will be so much older than any new additions, it makes sense that they have their own rooms. I really wouldn’t worry too much about it now. By the time the younger kids are old enough to want their own rooms, the older ones will be away at school or maybe even on their own by then.

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. Danger
    Expert November 2019
    Future Mrs. Danger ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You are overthinking this right now. It will take a number of years for you to have 3 more children. Enjoy and bind with the two children you just married and let time figure out the rest. It will work out.
    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. Danger
    Expert November 2019
    Future Mrs. Danger ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Whoops I meant "bond" with them
    • Reply
  • Mary
    Expert July 2019
    Mary ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You are overthinking this way too early! Many families decide to move to a larger home when they are expecting, so you may not be in the same house in the years to come as your family grows. Additionally, depending on how far out that may be, as the older kids go to college and move out their rooms can be repurposed so siblings sharing a room can get their own, etc.
    • Reply
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You're definitely overthinking this right now. I understand planning ahead but you dont know for certain how long it will take you to conceive and things could change by the time a new baby is on the picture. Life could have you move somewhere else where you can get a bigger house when the family grows more.
    • Reply
  • Izzykern
    Super April 2021
    Izzykern ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    In my opinion you should view his kids as your kids and not think of them any differently than your future bio children. You are overthinking it at this moment because those 2 children are here now and you should enjoy bonding with them (:
    • Reply
  • Fleur
    October 2020
    Fleur ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would not ignore your feelings and chalk it up to “overthinking”. These are real, serious considerations for you to sort out. I would maybe talk to a trusted friend/Dr/therapist and even delay the marriage until you’re feeling good with things bc there are children involved. Just advice from a stranger.....Good luck girl!!!

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Have you discussed children with your FH? Does he want 5 kids? I think it’s kind of disturbing that you don’t think of your stepchildren as your own and think that your biological children deserve more or better than your stepchildren. These are things I would definitely discuss with your FH.
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    Devoted October 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I understand where you’re coming from and I’ve had similar thoughts. My fiancé has a 9 year old from his first marriage that is with us during the school year (majority of the time). Currently, we live in a 3 bedroom house so we have 1 spare room. We have discussed how many children we want together and we’ve decided on 3, if able to obviously. Therefore, we will outgrow this house by the time baby #2 is on the way. We have a finished attic that I find to be quite charming and I think my future step son will enjoy once he’s older (own floor, away from crying babies, own space, etc.). Where I’m going with this is...maybe find a house with a finished basement or attic that you can transform into one or multiple bedrooms to accolade all kids. I’m not about sharing rooms, never had to, never would want my children to either. Also...for the age of your future step kids and being a boy and a girl and close to puberty....no way should they have to share rooms. I don’t think you’re trying to treat them differently...I understand where you’re coming from and I’ve had the same thoughts. Just some ideas to consider!
    • Reply
  • H
    Devoted November 2019
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would see that as a red flag if I were the one with kids and you described it that way. You don't have kids yet and you are already worried about the pecking order. It's not easy being a step and you will probably secretly love your kids more. However, you are making a commitment to those kids to love them and look out for them as a mother. They should never feel like they are 2nd place in your heart. Dont feel bad that the bonding takes time and effort. It doesnt happen overnight for either side. Love the family you have and the rest will come naturally.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Bubba
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Will they live with you full time?
    • Reply
  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You’re putting the comfort and happiness of hypothetical children over the children you have now. You can always get a new house, very few people stay in the same house their whole lives. Think of it as your starter home and when it gets too small you can find a bigger one. No one has to go without.
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Live in the moment. You don’t have any kids right now. Also your “want” may not go the way you want. So there’s no need to plan for additional bedrooms just yet. Also, you have an extra room if a first child comes along.
    • Reply
  • Chasity Jackson
    Beginner September 2020
    Chasity Jackson ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Please reread the post and don’t add extra assumptions. Yes we have discussed children. I think it’s kind of disturbing that you expect everyone to think like you — it’s hard for a women with no children to automatically think of other kids as her own. Don’t get me wrong I love his children and they love me — but I don’t have children of my own to know that feeling. I think it’s also disturbing and disrespectful for you to say I think my bio kids deserve MORE than my step kids. Not once did I say my bio kids deserve MORE, if anything I was stating I wanted things to be EQUAL. You’re disturbed by your own disturbing thoughts sis.
    • Reply
  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Even if your kids are different genders, they can share a room at earlier ages. The American Association of Pediatrics recommend that babies sleep in the same room with their parents for the first year. This house should last year many years, even if you have kids right away.

    Also, is there a basement or atic that can accommodate a finished room? A first floor study or office? Convert dining room to bedroom and put dining table in the living room? By the time you need an extra room or two, the stepkids could sleep on a different level.

    • Reply
  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree that you’re thinking a little ahead about this. I understand you want all the kids to have the best, even if you end up having three more. The older two are too big to be sharing a room since they are opposite sex. If you have children, it would be totally ok for them to share a room for a few years. They would not think anything of it. I always had to share a room growing up with my younger sister, and my one year older sister got her own room. It’s just how it works sometimes. Before you know it, the oldest may be going away to college and you could rearrange rooms then. Also, you can always move in the future if this becomes an issue. I wouldn’t purchase a house that is going to overstep your budget for kids you haven’t had yet. But whatever you buy now is not a permanent residence for the rest of your life. It’s great that you’re thinking ahead, but I think you’re making this stressful for yourself for no reason. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials!
    • Reply
  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I think you're getting ahead of yourself. Your kids will come in time, but you can't sacrifice your stepchildren's lives NOW for the (possible) lives of your own biological children. Your step children are here now. Why not give them the life you've always wanted for your children? Being a step parents means treating them as your own. It's not their fault you're not their biological mother. Don't hold back on the things you want for your kids just because you didn't birth them. In time, as you have your own children, you and your FH will figure out what works best for your family.

    • Reply
  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree with others. I think you're jumping the gun. My mom remarried and my youngest brother is 9 years younger than I am. We lived in a 3 bedroom house where my 2 younger brothers shared a room and I had my own. My youngest brother was 9 years old when I went to college. When I wasn't using my room, one brother would stay in there. I hardly ever came back anyway. I think I spent one or 2 summers of my college career at home. I never moved home after college. My middle brother went to college 2 years after me. Then my youngest brother was alone. Sharing a room isn't a big deal. Live the life you have now and plan for the future the best you can.
    • Reply
  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I have to agree with all of this. This home may not be your forever home, and even if it is the children you have now are older and who knows how life will progress. Get what you can afford and still want now and look forward to new possibilities in the future.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics