Will i really regret not having the reception i thought we'd have?

Personally, I think my fiance and I would have appreciated having leftover money to put towards a house. But we paid for our house and are paying for our wedding. The house you'll have forever or at least longer than a day.

I think, despite all the things you want, you'll be happy to be married.

I've wanted some of those same things, wanted to be able to invite all my family and friends from high school and old jobs, wanted a princess gown and beautiful flowers and all this lovely decor in a big beautiful ballroom. But now that we've solidified the things we have, I'm wearing my mother's dress and our guest count is only about 75 like yours, and we're DIYing and cutting back on some things, I'm just happy to be getting married. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this man.

And if, down the line, we can have a vow renewal and make it a big party and I have my dream dress and everything is exactly how I wanted it to be now, then that would be fun too.

I think a reception typically always includes food, so I'm not sure how it's free at his church? Have you guys tried to cut your guest list to 75 to see if it's even possible for you both to do so?

My father & mother said the same thing. They said they'd pay for a wedding but if we didn't want one, we could do a crazy huge honeymoon or put it towards our house. I've been dreaming about my wedding ever since I knew what a wedding was and it's very typical in our friend group to have large weddings (and in my family). My husband has a ton of friends and would have been disappointed to not celebrate with them (and same for me).

We owned a house prior to our wedding (technically the bank owns it and we rent it from them haha) and we for sure could have put it towards renovations or paying more off, but we chose not to. We both are happy with our jobs & incomes and are comfortable paying our mortgage and for renovations as they come along. We won't live in this house forever so we didn't want to put all our money towards a house we may sell in two years. Yeah, our renovations would have been 100% done with way sooner but we are both so happy we chose to have a big wedding instead.

I kind of agree with Kelsi. My FH's parents surprised us with a huge amount of money, and we already agreed to keep our small plans and let the rest be a down payment for a house. It's one day. I think a house is a better investment because you won't get money back on a night of dancing. BUT there are probably people who would say they don't want anything less than the big wedding and would regret not doing it. So really, its your call. Only you can say if you'd regret it.

I would have definitely regretted not having the reception I did. Yes having that money for your house would be nice but the way I see it is a house you will pay for and have for a long time your wedding reception you only have for one night. I say have your dream wedding. My husband wanted to go to the JP but I've had my wedding planned since I was 12 so he sucked it up we were engaged for two years and he paid for my dream wedding with 100 of our closest friends and family members in attendance and we had a blast! Our wedding was November 16th and people are still talking about it.

If it’s something you’ve always wanted, I think yes you will regret not having it. You can always make and save up more money... you can’t redo your wedding. (Plus, you’ll probably end up getting gifts that’ll reimburse you for a large amount of what you spent anyway)

View Quoted Comment I agree. You can't redo your wedding so I think you would regret it.

This sounds like a 180. It sounds like ignoring what you want. THAT, yes, you will regret. I DO think it’s possible to scale back and have a compromise wedding where you both get a little of what you want, you just have to navigate through priorities. There are plenty of ways to scale back and save that dont require bailing on the party side completely. The thing my husband and I ultimately agreed on was that we wanted our guests to have an awesome time, so we focused our spending on food and drink. This part was the most important to me— If I wasn’t going to provide this experience for my guests, I can honestly say I would rather have eloped. I do also think it’s important to consider what expectations your parents may have. My parents gave us some money , and even though there weren’t official strings attached, I know they would’ve been disappointed if we skipped certain things (definitely a meal), so there were a couple upgrades we made on their behalf (if it’s their money, we can spend it on this thing they want at the wedding instead of trying to save it for ourselves) — as at the base of it , they are giving you this money so that you can have the wedding you want.


TLDR; I think you can compromise and still be happy. But if you give up everything, you won’t be.

If you really put things in perspective El reception can be fun but honestly it is as fun as you make it. Receptions can be horribly expensive and having money towards a nice house is going to last in the long run. Trust me I have my moments to where I want the day to be so special that I'm willing to break the bank but honestly we have to step back and remember that it's one day and the main goal is that you are marrying the person you love. I do think you both should sit down and compromise on the reception. Maybe don't spend as much as you were thinking or have it as grandiose as you are expecting but maybe also not have it to what he wants to be. You should both meet in the middle somewhere.

I must agree with Mcskipper, 100%.

If you feel as though you are completely sacrificing everything about your big day, you will ultimately regret that one day. You may be able to put it off, and do your dream reception/ceremony later on, or for your vow renewal, but it's not the same, and it'll never feel the same as doing it the first time around.

To scale back the wedding, that's one thing. I had to scale back ours by a lot when I realized how expensive it would be. It is primarily being paid for by FH and I, with minimal help from parents. He also REALLY wants his house. So with that being said, we are both getting what we want. The dream wedding, but just with a few scale backs, and he will have his house within a year. I think you guys are totally able to compromise.

FOB and I made the exact same offer to D and SIL. They chose to use the money toward their "perfect traditional wedding," and I do not think they have ANY regrets.... It was truly what they both wanted so it was a relatively easy decision. The fact that their dream wedding was fully paid for (between us and FOG), has allowed them to save like crazy for their first home and they expect to be in within the year, based on what they've been able to save.

My fiancé always tells me we’re only getting married once and that we have to make our day special. He knows how I’ve dreamt of having a big wedding, so he’s completely okay with it even though it’s super expensive. I know the most important thing is being married to your FH, but I don’t want to have any regrets if I settled for something I knew deep down wasn’t what I wanted.

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I agree with you here. People keep telling me its not just one day. I tell them yes. I know they are only telling me that cause they want me to go all out and invite them. I rather save money. A lot of people just go to see and have something to post on social media. I went to a friends wedding and saw people eat and leave. So i don't know if i want to spend all that just to feed people lol.

View Quoted Comment Noooope lol. Not spending a ton on their appetite lol. I agree that receptions that are budget friendly can be nice. My friend having public care her wedding surprisingly was good.

I'm not in this situation because we are paying for our own wedding, but truly any money we don't spend could be put toward anything else really. We aren't having a huge blow-out, but we also aren't skimping on anything because we want to have a really nice party. It's important to us to have this celebration and treat our family and friends to a wonderful evening. We are so thankful to have found each other a bit later in life (we will be 40 & 44 at the time of the wedding) and we plan to celebrate accordingly. That isn't to say that a smaller celebration cannot be as meaningful - everyone just has to decide what their priorities are. We are lucky we can pay for the wedding we want and it isn't going to seriously compromise our future plans.

Hmm that's really tough.
I feel like you may regret not having the wedding of your dreams but at the same time, you may also be super happy with the one in progress.

Would it be possible to just scale down without sacrificing your dream wedding so that you can still contribute some towards a house? Find a different venue, go a bit cheaper on the food or bar, etc. I would try and compromise instead of just immediately getting rid of everything. I know I personally would regret it because a wedding is only supposed to be a once in a lifetime event and I’ve been thinking of my wedding since I was young!

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I agree. You have an opportunity to make your dreams come true, and you only get one shot at it! I think you and your fiance need to have a serious discussion about it! I know I would regret not having the reception I dreamed of!

Thank y'all for all your thoughts an opinions. I really needed it!!!

We've decided to meet in the middle. We are hoping to keep it low-budget, but still nice enough to fit all our guests and still have the dance I dreamt of and a meal. It's nothing grand, but I think it's enough to make it a fairytale story for a day