Widowed father and newish girlfriend- i don't want to invite her

If they want to see how family dynamics are with her around, they should throw a family dinner. Your wedding isn’t the place for your dads girlfriend to figure out if your family fits her plan with him. Usually I’m pro invite a SO no matter what, but if she’s already saying they might break up, I don’t know that I’d care to invite her.

I’m sorry for the loss of your mom. I do not think you should invite her mainly due to her not caring and your dads reason for wanting her there. Your wedding is not a social experiment. It also sounds like an inconsistent relationship and you’ve never met her.

Well, technically she should be invited. But, I totally understand where you are coming from. I guess my response to your dad would be that if he's really interested in seeing the family dynamic with her included, he should start with a dinner, or brunch, etc. It isn't really respectful to use your wedding as that platform, especially if he's showed no initiative to incorporate her into family events in the past. Frankly, it would be a distraction that isn't fair to you unless you are a willing participant. Also, if she's expressed she doesn't care either way if she comes, she's really not that invested in this relationship - your dad might need to hear that.

Invite her 100%. If she doesn't want to come, fine, but if she decides to come and be there for your dad, then great.

In this case, I would not invite her. They have mutually agreed to be in a trial period with an expiration date.


If your dad and gf want to test out how she'll get along with your family, they can do so at a dinner or lunch or any other time.

View Quoted Comment Agree completely. He should host a family dinner.

I'm going to give a different response than most others. You've never met this woman, so you don't really have a grasp of her personality yet and the things that are being said for/about her could be portrayed completely incorrectly. Unfortunately, when we become adults, our parents' priority should come off of us and be more towards their happiness as you are moving more towards finding your own happiness. Maybe she isn't so much upset with how he prioritizes you, but she's trying to figure out where she fits in and it could even be that she's upset that he hasn't invited you around yet. My mom is engaged to a man who was a widow and they started dating less than a year after his previous wife died, he had 2 kids and I know the feelings were the same until they actually sat down and met. Now his 2 kids are very much a part of our family and we really enjoy spending time with them. I don't think you can make a decision on this until you get a chance to meet her. If your dad is completely unwilling to set something up for you all to meet, then she has no business being at your wedding. If you do meet and she is everything that is being said about her, then maybe leave her off. But you could meet her and be completely wrong about her. You just won't know until you meet her and I think once you do and actually talk to her, your answer as to whether she should be invited will be more clear.

I’m sorry for your loss Jenna.
I agree with Sarah, your wedding is not the time or place for her to critique your family dynamics.
Good lord, I have a visual of an uptight critic, pen in hand taking notes, while eating a finger sandwich, nose in the air looking like she smelled a fart. Let her organize a family gathering for critiquing on her own time using her own money and resources. This is a wedding, your wedding. Without guilt or apology, surround yourself with those who support you and your loved ones and who are there to celebrate your union.

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I totally agree with Cool on this one. My condolences on the loss of your mom, and I wish you a lot of happiness in life going forward, especially with your wedding

I wouldn't invite her. You've never met her and she seems to be looking for an out on her relationship anyway.

Not sure what's meant by a "live and let live" attitude that would be a negative. Sounds pretty sane to me, actually.

I personally would allow her to attend, but do not include her in any of your family photos. You don't know this woman and if things don't last for them, you won't have to look at your photos with her in them. Let her be his +1 and leave it be.

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I think OP means that while this woman isn't going to actively harass gay people, she doesn't exactly agree with the idea of them or their relationships. And while that's not the worst stance for someone to have in their daily life I can understand why that type of person wouldn't be welcomed with open arms to a LGBT+ wedding.

I agree with others that your wedding is not the place for her to scrutinize your family's dynamic. I think the advice of others to see if your dad can have a smaller get together first is the way to go. If he can't or doesn't want to then she doesn't need to be invited. I wouldn't want to go somewhere and meet a ton of people knowing that in a month I could break up with my date and have all of those people wondering what happened.

As a mate of your dad's you really should invite her. She may not come, but suppose he does marry her? Awkward. I would, however, put out clear boundaries on photos - who is included and who is not included.

Extend the invitation. It will be up to your dad whether he brings her or not. As to her feelings on gay people, how do people come to realize that though there are differences, LGBTQ people are good people who matter in this world, if they are barred by their friends and family from attending good parties and celebrations? If you never go to places where all people are accepted, how do you change attitudes? Don't exclude people because their Vibes don't suit you. Let them come and have a good experience .

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Yes, that's exactly what I meant

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Lol it's not her job to teach this woman that lesbians aren't terrible people by inviting her to a lesbian wedding. There's nothing wrong with OP not loving the idea of inviting someone who doesn't agree with her relationship to their WEDDING

View Quoted Comment THANK YOU!

Except that I am not white. And I do not see it as a responsibility to teach, nor a reason as they give to keep people out.
Imagine if the worst problem with race or religion, or any other thing, was tolerance.

View Quoted Comment A wedding guest should not “tolerate” the couple. They should love and celebrate them.