Why, Yes! I DO want unsolicited marriage advice from strangers!

The Lebanese lady married 10 years was talking the most about how I don’t understand how much work it takes in a marriage. She said it doesn’t matter how long you have been together or if you live together before, you will have a really tough marriage. The unmarried Greek guy was telling me that I’m going to be miserable and they’re trying to scare me off because I’m not strong enough to be married. The 70+ year old lady (unsure of her ethnicity, but it’s somewhere oversees. She actually reminds me of the cancer lady in OITNB, but not as cool and more run down) just kept repeating that I’m going to get divorced in the first year because I’m American and she would never divorce. Maybe after 10 years if she isn’t happy, but all Americans divorce after the first year, just to find something new. About 10 minutes in, an American girl around my age chimes in that she knows what it takes to be married because she’s been with her guy for 3 years and they have been married for 1 year. And that first year was the hardest thing she has ever experienced in her life.

The entire time I just keep nodding my head. It’s not that I am cocky and refuse to take advice. Many of our friends were together for many years before marrying. All of them said that the first year is in no way different than any other year, except you get everyone asking you how the first year is going. FH and I have been together 5 years, lived together almost 3 years by the time of the wedding. We have owned a home together, shared responsibilities taking care of the home, and have had a joint bank account for 2 years at the time of the wedding. We have shared bills for almost 3 years at the time of the wedding. We’ve been through planning how holidays work with who’s house we go to. We pick up each other’s prescriptions. It’s not about a strong commitment. We are fully committed to one another whether we are married or not. Marriage is just a status symbol. I do not put someone who has been married for 1 year and known their spouse for 3 years total, over someone who is not married but have been together over 10 years.

So what the fudge is different, other than my name and filing taxes jointly instead of separately? I understand how different it can be if you have not lived together, or if you were together less than 2 years. But I’m not going to take advice from the 3 people in class who continually ask questions on why they can’t discriminate against people and why do they have to be honest when selling someone’s house. I just think it’s hilarious how people think they are doing a civil service by berated me about a marriage of two people who they do not know. And why my marriage would be any of their business.

Anyways, just thought it was funny. I told FH about it and he started laughing, saying that I attract all the weirdos because I am so quiet and let everyone tell me whatever without talking back. What funny, unsolicited advice have you been given?

How rude of these people. I have started telling people that I'll ask when I want their opinion. Mostly my family never complete strangers. Just wow and kudos to you for not slapping someone.

Last I checked, our divorce rate isn't 100% so how is it to say that we all get divorced in a year?

Also: the divorce rate has dramatically dropped the past 5 years in general, soooo

My MIL has been married, divorced 3x, and wants her new BF to marry her.. She has jokingly said on more than one occasion she wants me in the divorce... I had a customer warn me not to get married, because he was FORCED to cheat on his wife.

People are dumb

I think you did the right thing by just nodding your head and not listening to them. These people are basically using a stereotypical opinion on marriage in North America.

I'll never understand people who try to give advice to a couple they have no understanding of. People don't and can't understand the kind of relationship a couple has behind closed doors. If it works for them, don't butt in with your unwanted advice.

This drives me insane!!!!! I know what you mean by the "the first year of marriage is so hard..." I have lived with FH for almost 4 years and in our home that we purchased together over 2. We pay the bills together, shop together, clean, everything and anything that a home needs. So what is the difference after we are married? I really don't get it and it drives me insane when people say it. I always always ask whats the difference. Because I want to put people on the spot and make them realize how dumb they sound. The only thing that will change for us is my last name, our taxes and maybe health insurance.

I get it when we say we want to try for kids pretty soon after. "Don't you want to wait a few years and enjoy married life?" Oh you mean you want me to wait a few years to do exactly what we have been doing the past 2-3 years...no thanks. People should really keep their dumb opinions to themselves. If I want advice I will ask.

One person expressing their views would have been one thing....but multiple would have pushed me over the edge. Bravo to you for not blowing a gasket.

I try not to talk about the wedding, so I don't get too much unsolicited advice. Of course when we first got engaged I told a lot of people, and anyone who was divorced was automatically negative about it.

I have had a few people give me the "wait to have kids speech" but that's not happening. We have been together 4 years and lived together most of that time. Is there stuff we want to do without kids? Sure, but we both screwed up financially when we were younger, so when we had the time, we didn't have the money to travel and whatnot. It's just stuff we will have to put of until retirement.

I love to troll the hell out of those type of people. When I worked in retail, I constantly had people commenting on my upcoming marriage. I would say shit like "I'm just marrying him for money... We have an arrangement" or something crazy like that just to further piss them off. Hilarious.

Elyse - I rarely ever bring up wedding things. I only ever do if someone asked. They just noticed that I had a ring on, and that's what sparked them to talk to me on the 15 minute break. Many people have said things to me just because they saw a ring, and I never brought up a conversation with them to start. I was drinking from a water bottle and they saw the ring, that's how this conversation started in class. And yeah, I have many co workers who are divorced that, even before I was engaged, told me to never get married because they said the guy is just going to cheat on you and you'll have to divorce and lost all your money. And I never brought up anything to them, either. This was them bringing it up. I think because I'm so young (25, but look younger) people just come up to me and think they are helping by giving me negative advice. Meanwhile, I just nod, but in my head I'm rolling my eyes and thinking how sad of a life they have that they need to bud into my relationship when they don't know me or my SO!

I can't believe they ganged up on you like that. Like not one, but three people thought this was a completely appropriate conversation. People are idiots.

KM - I'll have to see if I'm ballsy enough to say that That sounds fun. Lol.

I would have paid to be a fly on the wall just to see their reactions Km! That's awesome!

Yes, I love it when people who don't know me make all kinds of assumptions about my life and relationships! Good for you for not snapping at all of those busybodies.

Lol utter shock, especially since I worked mainly with really old southern ladies.