Why marriage?

I never really thought about marriage in general, let alone with anyone I dated before but when I met my husband things changed and it felt like I wanted that forever with him. Obviously I know a ring doesn’t signify forever because many couples do without marriage but like you said, it’s a logical next step and just in general is a symbol for forever to embark on that chapter together

We've been together 10 years, cohabitating 5 of those. I didn't care about marriage (still not sure if I do tbh).


We are making it government official because while we share healthcare now through a domestic partnership allowance, I wouldn't want something as dumb as not signing a piece of paper to jeopardize his healthcare, stand in the way of death benefits or being able to make life changing health choices for each other.
I will admit there was also an aspect of societal pressure - couples who have known each other a year or two are seen as "more established" or secure because they decided to exchange jewelry. We've out lived a few.

View Quoted Comment Hi Emily,
Thanks for sharing. I agree, there are benefits such a healthcare and social security, etc. When it comes to legally marrying.
May I ask, was your FH'S family okay with him dating a woman from another culture?

View Quoted Comment I understand what you mean, and as unromantic as it may be those are some of our reasons too.


FH’s best man actually got married just after FH and I met and is already divorced and in a new serious relationship.

View Quoted Comment Yes, his family has been amazing and welcoming from the beginning. I've had good talks with my mother in law - she did reveal she was a bit hurt or confused at first on why her son didn't choose someone from the same culture, but she's seen what we bring out in each other. I'm very happy with the family I'm marrying into.

View Quoted Comment So our first state story has become a hilarious history. His best friend and his girlfriend at the time crashed our first date. Best friend in the girlfriend get married maybe two years in (and we love both of them.) My partner is the best man at his wedding.
They stay married for a few years, but then divorce. Also fine, these things happen. Best friend dates a little bit, then he meets and proposes to someone fairly quickly (and we love her!)
My partner ends up being the best man, again! Needless to say, the best friend now gets to be the best man, and I'm pretty sure part of his toast is going to be talking about how we went to both his weddings. 😂

View Quoted Comment Thsts great. I do not know your FH, so I cannot speak on him; but my FH and his famiky are from the same culture as your Lamont. FH has two older brothers and both of them bash women from their own culture and talk about how unattractive they are, etc. Intercultural relationships/marriages are perfevtly fine, but I think it's absolutely unhealthy when a person sees people of their own culture as unattractive and/or inferior. And it's completely unhealthy.

View Quoted Comment That’s funny!


Our first date, FH had just come back from attending his sisters wedding in Texas. He worked nights and weekends and I worked M-F 8-5, so he didn’t want to wait another week until our schedules aligned for a regular date, and insisted on picking me up during my lunch break at work. I swear at least half of my department came out to get a look at him 🙄. I almost called my boss and feigned food sickness to avoid going back in and facing all of them lol! We weren’t particularly productive the rest of the afternoon.

Okay, thanks for sharing. You sound very excited about it.

View Quoted Comment Lol now that's an entrance 😛

I think the simplest answer is, because we want to. No one is requiring us to. We want to get married because we love each other and truly do want to spend the rest of our lives together.

For a period of time, I thought marriage was stupid because it was just a contract that you didn't need in place.

After being with my partner for a few years, I started to realise that I wanted to make that commitment to him, and vice versa, and that it would be quite nice to do things 'traditionally'.

That, and things such as health care, children, and even dealing with estates is much easier if you're married!

We don’t want kids, we’re older. When we first started dating we both wanted to be open to the possibility of marriage if it felt right. It’s definitely a different level of commitment and we wanted it.

View Quoted Comment Of course; thanks for sharing, Emma.

View Quoted Comment It's funny how our opinions can change. Thanks for sharing!

View Quoted Comment Okay, thanks for sharing!!!!

Do you want the practical reasons, or the deep psychological reasons, 'cuz I can go either way...?

Practical: I've been hospitalized before, and that meant my mother became the Official Person To Make Decisions For Me, due to next-of-kin stuff. THIS IS BAD. We did have DH sign a health proxy, but then he'd have to carry that around. Being my husband makes him my next-of-kin. Problem solved. We also want to have kids. Less paperwork if we're "legal". We'd also hoped taxes would be better, but we're both in the arts, so that ... didn't work out the way we wanted, lol. Health insurance... kind of? But, being in the arts, that's expensive no matter which way you cut it. But with two of us, we can manage to get a slightly better plan. And his eye insurance is great. Also, we've been together for a long time, people were asking when we'd get married... *I* was asking when we'd get married...

Deep stuff: My parents were married for 30 years, and then divorced in a particularly spectacular explosion of My Mother Going Crazy. You'd think this would turn me off marriage, but because it blew up my life when I was 16, it really made me crave a family and the stability that came with a relationship. (Cue destructive relationship in my 20s to desperately create this. Go to (more) therapy, kids!) DH is Catholic, to him, marriage is a sacred relationship. Because I knew from the moment I set eyes on him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Because we've spent 6 months around each other 24/7 and I ... want him to go back to work for his sanity, but also don't want to be away from him. Because he's supportive and nurturing and a good cook and a good nurse and also will cover my flank if I, uh, get a little fiesty about something.

Oh, and I like his mom.

View Quoted Comment Hi Rebecca,
Thanks for the detailed answer. You're hubby certainly sounds amazing.

This isn't true for everyone but for us we started running into legal/technical/financial issues by not being married. We love each other of course... But if we weren't running into other issues, we would just stay put. We have know each other since 17/18 and we are 32/33 for age. Nobody is surprised.


My husband didn't have healthcare but my healthcare is pretty good. He couldn't get it with marrying me. His healthcare was $400 a month with no dental. Mine is $40 with really good dental. Healthcare was the biggest stressor before the wedding because he literally had none 45 days before the wedding.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend also isn't recognized when you live together and try to do things that married people do... Like car insurance, bank accounts, kids, adult life, etc. Can it be done? yes. Does it make everything more difficult? yes. Things you don't think about like getting a simple car inspection because he's at work and you're free... But you can't because you're the girlfriend.
My line of work (military) also doesn't recognize "boyfriend/girlfriend." They don't really recognize "fiance/ee." So the only way my husband can get recognized is by marriage. This has the perk of he is now eligible for military discounts and access to things without me having to be physically present. Before, if he wanted to go do something, I had to go with because he wasn't my husband.
But my husband and I are married and it has made our life easier in those respects.

View Quoted Comment You've certainly brought up great points!