Lazell
Savvy September 2022

Why do people not like having children at their wedding?

Lazell, on March 14, 2021 at 1:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 92
Saved
Reply

I’m not trying to offend anyone, but I’m genuinely curious why people do not allow children at weddings or receptions? Even before I had my daughter, I would have wanted my nieces and nephews to come and celebrate. I would also not attend a wedding that my child was not welcome at...

92 Comments

Latest activity by Jessi, on June 9, 2021 at 12:33 PM
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    Because sometimes on peoples wedding days they don’t want to have to worry about a child screaming through their entire ceremony. Kids generally couldn’t care less about attending weddings. Half of the time they get bored and fussy. A lot of kids hog the dance floors as well. Kids will also probably go up to the cake and try to put their fingers in it etc. ****many**** depending on the age, don’t yet understand the socially acceptable things that you should or shouldn’t do at a wedding. For example, you shouldn’t tell your mom that you have to go pee or that you’re bored or you want to get up out of your chair and run around while someone is saying their vows. As much as some people think it’s cute when their child does it, a lot of other people find it annoying and distracting.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    A lot of it for me was a space issue. By not inviting children, that freed up a LOT of room on the guest list for me to invite other friends who I also wanted to invite, but didn't have room for if kids were on the list. Another thing is alcohol. Some people prefer that children aren't in attendance if plenty of alcohol will be provided and people partying. Other people don't want their weddings to be family friendly events, while others absolutely love the thought of a family friendly event! There is nothing wrong with either option, it's just difference of what people are looking for with their weddings. Some people may be afraid of young children getting bored during the ceremony and being disruptive, or infants crying, etc. It's not an attack on the children not being invited, it's just the vision of what the bride and groom want for their wedding.
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    Also, especially at open bar events, sometimes people don’t want to have to watch their kids the whole time. Sometimes adults just want to go to a wedding and relax and socialize without someone saying mommy mommy mommy every two seconds.
    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    I think that a big part of the choice to include kids or not depends on the vibe of the wedding. For a backyard BBQ style wedding in the afternoon, including kids may be very normal and appropriate. On the other hand, inviting kids to a black tie evening wedding with a 4-course plated meal and open bar doesn't seem like a good idea. In my opinion, the fancier the wedding, the less appropriate for kids. Also, a lot of people don't want to have to worry about kids crying or screaming during the ceremony, or making a fuss during the reception.

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    We didn't invite children for several reasons. We didn't want a bunch of young children running around our very formal wedding ceremony, we didn't think young children needed to be at an open bar reception, and including children would've taken us over our budget. My husband's two nieces and two nephews were at our wedding, but that's because they were part of the ceremony. None of my siblings have children so it wasn't like we were excluding any immediate families children.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    • Flag
    Not all people have the space to invite kids or the budget. Kids at our venue still ran us around $50/pp while adults were $140. To add, plenty of people don’t like children or don’t want to worry about their/their other guests’ behavior being child friendly. This is a know your crowd thing I guess but as a mom I’ve never been offended when my child hasn’t been invited to events.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Alot of people say it is because children are wild and unbehaved. Interestingly, the same people who do not discipline their children and teach them how to behave in public and have good manners in general are the same ones who say "etiquette is outdated" as many on this site preach.

    Contrary to popular belief, it is highly offensive to those who have to find childcare and otherwise would be allowed to bring their behaved kids to another wedding, to have wedding party children and random infants only. Same with strange cutoffs of 12 or 13 where a 7 yr old who has to stay home is well behaved and would enjoy the party while their 15 yr old sibling is a troublemaker who gets to attend. Kids are all or nothing. You cannot make exceptions without offending your nearest and dearest friends/family.

    • Reply
  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
    • Flag

    We had children at our wedding, but the last wedding we attended was child-free because it was a black-tie affair. I also want to say (though I'm not 100% sure I'm remembering correctly) that I wasn't invited to one of my cousin's wedding, because I was a kid at the time (it's been a long time though, so I may be remembering incorrectly).

    • Reply
  • Molly
    Expert August 2021
    Molly ·
    • Flag

    I think it's important for adults to have time without their children. I don't see the harm in going to events or hosting events that are adult only. It's healthy for adults to have time with other adults without having to worry about their kids running around. It also benefits the kids because I remember going to some family weddings as a kid and I was bored out of my mind (especially during the ceremony). I would have much preferred to spend some time with a babysitter or grandma while my parents enjoyed some adult time.

    Some people want to have an adult-only affair while others want to have it be more family. It's completely fine to have an event that is not child-friendly (long ceremony, open bar, many course meal) and it's completely fine to have a more family-oriented wedding.

    My FH and I only have 4 real little kids in our family that are coming to the wedding (plus one of our couples friends has a little girl but, they're still debating if they're bringing her). If we had more than those 5 though we probably would've considered a child-free wedding.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated September 2023
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    My friend and I were talking about this yesterday!

    For her, she doesn't want ill-behaved kids screaming and being disruptive, especially during the ceremony and during the vows.

    I agree with her on that, but I also just don't like kids, don't want kids, and am super awkward around kids. Same goes for FH. However, there are no nieces, nephews, or children of close friends at the moment to worry about, so I think my wedding would be kid-free regardless of if we specifically requested it.

    • Reply
  • M
    Super June 2021
    Melanie ·
    • Flag

    I simply don't want kids running around or screaming the entire night and their parents won't drink as much and "let go" with their kids in attendance. Our ceremony space is next to a lake, and I can easily see kids trying to get to the water and their parents chasing after them. If you don't want to come or can't come because you can't find a babysitter, we won't be offended at all, it's all a personal choice. Also a majority of our friends and younger family members have kids (most under the ago of 3), so our 65 person guest list would easily be up to 90 if their kids were allowed.

    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    I love the idea of kids being around all the time, but sometimes weddings are not appropriate events for kids. I went to an evening wedding with plated dinners and mostly adults. Well the plated dinner took forever, as they often do, and the kids (who were very very well behaved) were so hungry and overtired that they were sobbing at the table. The dad had to go ask other tables for their bread basket leftovers. The kids were young and were probably used to a 5:30 dinner and 8pm bedtime, meanwhile dinner was served well past 8. Not exactly a great experience for them or the other guests.
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I don't get why people get offended about newborns. The mom is likely breastfeeding, and the baby is vulnerable and fragile, of course you should allow a 2 month old to stay with mom.
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated September 2023
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Ooof, yeah, nothing would ruin the fun faster (for both child and adults) than an unsupervised kid going into a lake. The safety point is a good one also! Last wedding I went to, this one couple was not paying good attention to their ~1yr old son, who amused himself the entire time by attempting to pry the covers off the electronic baseboards in the restaurant.

    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag
    We are having kids at our wedding, but a clear reason I'd see not to would be to avoid a screaming child during the ceremony.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super June 2021
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Oh nooo! Yeah you have the parents who will be focused on watching their kids, and in turn not enjoy the wedding to the fullest extent, and then you have the ones who don't keep an eye on their kids and their kids get themselves into some kind of trouble. I love kids, but I'd rather just avoid either situation completely!

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    It’s really a preference on what you want. Our kids are older & out of the house. I don’t want kids running around at my wedding-doesn’t matter how well behaved you think they are. The parents won’t be able to enjoy the festivities or on the flip side, enjoy it way too much & not pay attention to the their kids. We know & expect some guests to decline our invite because we’re having a no children wedding. We respect their choice as they’re respecting ours.
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    How do moms go to work everyday?
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    I would not want kids at a wedding because they are typically loud, dirty, run around and you have to watch what you say around them.
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    In the first couple months, many don't. Many do, but I think there's broad support for helping all mothers stay home for a couple months early on
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics