Why did no one warn me? A PSA. /I just need to vent, guys.

Because they were being rude to her and and were seemingly trying to concoct some sort of weird adult-child version of the parent trap between their real mom and my FH’s step father. So totally warranted that she no longer wanted to extend the invite to them- (we had not yet sent out STD’s yet anyway) when she asked me to take them off the list I asked her “are you absolutely positive” as we are using every last seat in our 160 person capacity, and she said yes. I then gave her the opportunity to replace those seats as it was 6 spots and maybe she could put some of her other friends in lieu of them or something and she declined. At that point my FH and I were pretty excited because we were then allotted 6 additional people who are our friends that we could invite, so we did. Fast forward to last week when we were getting our actual invitations printed, we have already sent out the save the dates to everyone, etc- our capacity is reached. FMIL decides that her and the step kids are back on good terms and wants them back on the list. “It’s only right.” “You’ll look rude otherwise!” “They are his step brothers/sisters!” Okay, yes- that’s true but we filled those spots already, and his step siblings have only been step-siblings for the last 7 years of his life, we aren’t close with them, we don’t even have their phone numbers, and more importantly, we don’t have the room anymore. So FMIL is all sorts of pissed off when I explained that we simply do not have the capacity, she responded, “well I doubt every single person you invited will be able to come anyway.” Which, again-may or may not be true but we can’t bank on that… especially for 6 seats! I’m still not sure where to go with this one- hopefully she just gets over it as there is literally nothing I can do.

Outside of that some of the less-pressing matters I’ve had to deal with are as follows:

-Having to explain why we chose our venue (We’re having a semi-destination wedding, semi meaning literally 2 hours away from our home town, it’s a resort town, tons of hotels and stuff to do if people want to stay or a relatively easy drive if people choose to not drink and drive home) FFIL has brought this up every time we’ve seen him since we booked the venue last June.

- Having to explain to certian older/religious relatives why we aren’t getting married in a church. I haven’t yet told them we’re using a friend to officiate and not a pastor, this will bite me in the butt later, i’m sure.

-Having to explain why we aren’t inviting and children. I love kids and it hurts my soul that I can’t invite my nieces and nephews, but the truth of it is, we have a lot of people we wanted to invite and not a whole lot of space. This has been a sore subject between me and my sisters.

-Having a rather uncomfortable conversation with FMIL after we booked our ceremony/cocktial hour musicians (“You mean you don’t want me to sing? I prepared some things to sing during the ceremony!” ) Ugh.. I’m trying to avoid this subject still.

-MOH is making a big deal right now about wanting to have some sort of defining accessory that will make it known that she’s the MOH. (As if coming down the aisle right before me and having her name in the program as MOH isn’t going to be enough.) -She also got so drunk before my dress picking out that my mother had to take her outside, but… that’s a subject I’m still trying to push to the back of my mind.

Anyway. I just needed to vent a little. I know all brides go through drama- I just wasn’t prepared. Someone should have warned me and not said “this will be the best time of your life!”

Thanks for listening.

All I can say is holy shit and I'm sorry! And for the love of God tell your FH to handle his damn family... where is he in all of this?

@Kailee Haha, I appreciate that. FH is a wonderful guy, but isn't a big fan of getting involved in any drama, or hurting his mom's feelings in particular. He does a lot of quiet nodding in agreeance with me during these conversations.

Oh geez. Glad I dont have to deal with this. My FH's mother got remarried when he was in 5th grade. I like my FMIL, but she does not have a good relationship with all her step children. They are kinda a dysfunctional Brady Bunch, but we invited everyone and I'll place them at tables far away from each other. They are decent enough to not cause trouble, so I'm not worried. They all lived together at different times from elementary school age on...so it's a little bit of a different situation.

And my FH has the same attitude. Doesn't want to get in the middle or hurt his moms feeling.

I see that your wedding is in Wisconsin, and I have to say 2 hours is like nothing for Wisconsin...traffic isn't bad at all compared to other places. I'm from Oshkosh so I'm familiar! Not sure why people complain about that when it could be alot worse. Best of luck!

Wow I am so sorry. You're handling everything beautifully though! Come vent to us anytime!

I'm sorry you are having so much drama- I must be lucky. Not everyone's planning goes this badly, so I do disagree with your statement " this time is NOT- I repeat- ABSOLUTELY NOT the most wonderful time of your life"

Hope it gets better for you, if not, just ignore those toxic people!

Lmao, it's so much easier to elope or have an intimate wedding.

That's rough! Hopefully your FMIL comes to term with her decision. She shouldn't have been so hasty with her decision to remove them. You are handling it great. Come back and vent anytime!

I hear you! So many dramatic situations and people don't pay attention or think about how it affects you and your FH! I'm going thru the same thing with alot of my family and guests and honestly wish I had taken FH's advice and done a DW in Mexico. Too late now though - getting married in 12 days!

OMG. I totally agree with you... the step sibling are SOL at this point. your FMIL needs to accept she made that decision and do not feel bad about it! Especially since your FH doesn't even talk to them - much less have their phone numbers! Also I literally LOLed @ FMIL wanting to sing. Even if she is good at singing she definitely shouldn't assume she was singing. I also am having to deal with having to explain to future in laws why we aren't getting married in a church. Such a tough subject... I've been brushing it under the rug for now since my wedding is date is so far away. I just want to elope as well!! Good luck girlfriend!

The best piece of advice I got during my engagement: on the phone with my mom, and suddenly she whispers "Hold on, let me go in another room!", and she went into another room away from my dad. She then told me to ignore all the people who say this is the "best time of your life". That pressure makes it harder. She told me it can be the worst time haha. She and my dad (now married 45 yrs) had more fights, stress, and difficulties while wedding planning than they ever had before - and they went to a JOP and then back to the apartment for the reception (they brought in bagels)! It's hard! Don't feel pressured to act blissfully happy.

YIKES.

I hear you on the no kids thing. The loudest complainers in my family are the ones whose kids ARE invited. It's weird, but true!

@OP are you getting married in the dells? We're going there for our mini-moon after our wedding!

Regarding everything else, sorry that you are having problems. Personally I wouldn't have taken the step kids off the list because you had to know i n the back of your mind she was going to pull this crap. But yea, I think FH needs to stand up to his parents and help take some of this stress off you. There are such things called boundaries and capacities, which she obviously isn't respecting either. Sorry you're dealing with this. I've been there!

Two comments:

1) I totally sympathize. I thought my family was going to be totally chill and unconventional, drama-free. I was wrong! Weddings bring out the worst sometimes, when everything is seen as so high-stakes.

2) Your FH "doesn't like to get involved in drama or hurting his mom's feelings." And you do? That's some bull. I suggest you insist that he be more involved.

Thank you for all the support! The struggle has been pretty real recently. It's nice to get some input from people who have been/are going through it.

@MrsVoegs17 Actually, we're getting married in Lake Geneva. But my bm's are planning my bachelorette party in the Dells and i'm so excited, such a fun place!

@Kelly M. I know- I told FH from now on, all future FMIL bitching is getting directed to him.

Hey @OP I despise this wedding planning bullshit also. I am CONSTANTLY asked by every god forsaken person I encounter "how's the wedding planning?"

I have to force myself to smile and say "oh, it's good!"

They never stop there. Annoying AF. FH and I went over to good friends of ours who recently bought a gorgeous home. The wife is one of my BMs. We spent 2 hours chatting and talking about the house and the home buying process. We got in the car to leave and I turned to FH and said THANK GOD NO WEDDING TALK FOR ONCE. He was cracking up, he calls me the AntiBride. Lol.

Couple of small pieces of advice:

1) who is paying for the wedding? Because otherwise, you don't have to explain SHIT to anyone. Just tell whoever asks that "we haven't decided quite yet" or "hmm.. thanks for the idea/suggestion! I'll keep that in mind!"

2) I would consider hiring a pro officiant rather than a friend. On the desktop version of WW, search for officiant posts and read replies from @Celia. She makes great points about why to hire a pro/NOT using a friend for officiant. It's too important of a role.

3) we are doing no kids and I'm a huge supporter of this.

4) you handle your monkeys, FH handles his monkeys, or the circus goes to shit. Lol. I mean, if FMIL has gripes, let FH handle it. You gave them a chance to include everyone and she let her petty childish bullshit get in the way. She can kick rocks (but let FH tell her that).