Why can’t you throw yourself a party?

I honestly don't think anything is wrong with planning your own shower aha but people say it's tacky because a shower in particular, is usually where you get showered with gifts so people think it's tacky because you're having a party where you're asking for gifts.

but honestly i feel like i was so involved with planning my own shower and my bff wanted to have a shower for herself aha so it's like i don't know how that's considered tacky when the bride often wants it anyway?

i think the tacky aspect people refer to on here is where you ask for gifts in particular. 🤷‍♀️ i dunno ahah

Sooooo here is the reality: If you go by tradition some can see it as tacky. It is all a know your crowd situation. I think it is fine to throw your own if it is something informal like a night out. Maybe do not plan a weekend get away and expect everyone to pay. I personally would not see an issue with throwing your own and in my friends crowd they would not care. I know brides that have coordinated their own, even travel but some will find it tacky. The tradition I suppose is that your bridal party did it for you.

View Quoted Comment I was thinking of something like a day on the lake. I don’t drink so bars aren’t a good option. I don’t think it would be too expensive.

It’s exactly as Kristen noted.

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In my opinion ask your bridal party would they be up for that. I was at one point thinking an adult sleepover with my girls but I would buy the hotel and not expect them to do anything but bring something to share for eating and drinkings lol. But I know my girls and they just want to celebrate me even though I am having a minimony. You know your crowd better than anyone. I can see why traditions and etiquette exists but I feel it depends on the situation. Someone once told me throwing your own bday party to them is tacky because it is gift grabby but my friends and I do that often esp because we are too busy to always plan bday parties for each other lol. I say do what makes you happy and just say you are doing XYZ to celebrate and if they come awesome and those that do not oh well....most friends just want to celebrate your day.

It is not so much that it is 'tacky' to throw your own party as it is to ask others to pay for said party. If you throw yourself a bday party you pay for it as you are the host, same as for a wedding. Showers are different because the whole premise of a shower is to receive gifts.

First, a birthday party you throw for yourself, with presents, is bad manners, seen as greedy.
But os you throw a party for your 30th birthday, no presents, and you are paying for everyone else to have a good time, supplying a nice place with good food , drink, and company, you are fine and generous. .... A bachelorette where your friends help celebrate, by holding a party in your honor, which they plan according to what they want, in their budget ( the giver of an honor or a gift always chooses the when, where, and cost) and ask you to come, with them paying any admission, meal or drink for you the guest of honor, is fine. Hosts are offering what they want to do, in their budget, and paying costs.
But, if a bride asks her bridal party or sisters and friends or anyone else to give her a party, tells them what she wants, and expects them to pay any part of the costs that is bad manners, greedy and egotistical. Why? Because no one offered to give her one. Begging or demanding first that people do a party in your honor. Then deciding what they would do with their money, instead of them as hosts choosing what to do, and the cost. ... But if you want to have a last deal as a single person, and you throw a party which you plan and pay for, and you invite people with no coercion ( no saying, but you are my bridesmaid and you should do this for me the bride), accepting all declines graciously, and you paying for food, drink, activities, place, for everyone, then you are a gracious host yourself, giving without asking for anything from others. ... This is not just for weddings, but following guidelines for good etiquette overall. You never ask others to publicly honor you. You never ask for gifts or money ( except emergencies) for yourself. If others offer you honors, gifts, a party, you may say yes or no. But you may not trade up: If they offered a home cooked dinner, you don't ask for a night in a hotel, or a limo going bar to bar. You do not increase costs with your suggestions or requests with a shower, bachelorette, or birthday party. If you want things done your way, you host, play and pay for everyone, and you have control, and others come if they want. ............. Weddings in every major culture are different, but a lot have common things. Most cultures, family and friends give a couple things to help starting a home ( giver chooses what. Not the one getting it.) Weddings usually have or had a deep religious or familial base. A couple is given good wishes when they marry, by anyone emotionally close. They may be invited, they may not. You do not have to be invited to the wedding to give a gift, though most think, if you are close enough to be invited, you definitely are close enough to give. ( That is a tradition, not a rule of etiquette .) If in fact people you are not close to invite you, you need give no gift, and not go either. But if a couple you are close to marries, and no one is invited, or they have a small or far away wedding and you are not invited, it is tradition to give at least a small gift to people you are close to, when they marry.** Wedding gifts are a life stage or honoring a social commitment type of gift. Since you give them traditionally whether or not you attend any ceremony or party, they are only looked at in terms of hosts at minor parties. At the wedding itself, whether your parents host or you do, the celebration is of the marriage. Your reception is an optional part of the marriage. ( Not a thank you for coming to the ceremony, because you may be invited to only the reception.)You are not giving the ceremony or the reception with the intent of getting gifts. That is why you are not supposed to mention anything about gifts or money in an invitation, or any ceremony and reception thing, unless someone offers something to you or asks what you would like. Again, you do not ask or expect individuals to get you gifts. They must offer, and they the guests decide whether to give, what to give, and the budget. Couples can host their own weddings, traditionally, because the gift is not related to the ceremony or reception. But to the level of emotional attachment, and good wishes, you have for them starting a home together.You give to people you care about, when they marry, unrelated to whether or not you are there to see it. That is the tradition. A new couple forming a family receive goods because they need them to make a home. Totally unrelated to a party. Where birthday parties, often, and always showers, the purpose is an occasion for every guest to bring a gift and have it opened.

A wedding isn't really a party that you throw in honor of yourselves, although it can feel that way sometimes. People want to see you get married and they're supposed to be there for the ceremony to support you as you start (continue) your new lives together. The reception afterward is a party, but it's an opportunity for you to actually spend time with the people who will support you during your marriage.

That being said, I think it is pretty tacky for you to host a shower for yourself since that one's pretty much all about the gifts, but I think it's okay to host your own bachelorette party if you have something in mind that's specific, low key, and inexpensive for your guests.

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Not all birthday parties are asking for gifts, In my circle of friends if one wants to celebrate their birthday they throw it themselves. Now if people choose to bring you gifts that is fine. Sometimes people just want to celebrate just because. I feel it depends on your crowd because we all as brides can disagree. I have not been to one bachelorette outing where gifts were required or asked. If anything people just pay for their own meal. I think the OP just wants a night out and not expecting gifts. If people choose to give her one there is no harm in that. I have been to various gatherings where I gave a gift even when told I did not need to but I wanted to.

I’m throwing my own bridal shower. But that’s because I’m a control freak and I want everything a specific way and my circle understands this about me. And quite frankly idc what anyone has to say about it. I know what I like and what I expect and I don’t want to put pressure on anyone to go about things the way I would or spend that kind of money. We already have everything we need so I’m not expecting any gifts. It’s just another reason for us to get together, eat and drink.

No, a wedding isn't a party you throw in honor of yourselves. A wedding ceremony is a ceremonial event where you get married; a wedding reception is where you receive the guests from your ceremony and thank them for attending with food and drink appropriate to the time of day.

There is no real difference between throwing yourself a birthday party and throwing yourself a bachelorette party - both are considered rude from an etiquette (manners) perspective. It's rude to throw a party to celebrate yourself.

View Quoted Comment I agree completely.
If you want to host a wedding related party yourself, a bridesmaid luncheon where you thank your attendants is acceptable. Anything else is not.

I Dont See Anything Wrong With It. My Bridal Party Isnt Throwing Me Anything, If iWANTED It Though I Would Plan It Myself . I Dont See It As “Tacky” Or “Greedy” At All.

View Quoted Comment Exactly! Although I wouldn’t care if a bride threw her own shower. Not everyone has a big group of friends and some girls don’t even have moms. I hate the “nobody deserves a shower” if I want a shower I’m going to have one.

View Quoted Comment Me either!

View Quoted Comment You know what honey you're right. For various reasons I'm not having a large wedding and Sadly my mom passed away almost five years ago. So not everyone has the same situation as others might. I fully agree with you the attitude of well if no one host for you then you don't have one I feel is rude to say to someone. As you can see by all these comments every person is different and everyone has different rules of etiquette. Two of my friends know that my fiance and I are just having a minimoni with a few friends but they're still willing to help out with the bridal brunch that she and I are throwing and paying for with no registry and I know my friends have told me that they would go because I just want to celebrate my upcoming day even though I am not doing a full wedding. That's my friend Circle that's just how we are. And I agree with you I wouldn't even think twice if someone threw their own Bachelorette or bridal shower like I wouldn't care and I would feel go in support of that person's a good friend of mine. I think you need to do what's best for you and everyone is going to have a difference of opinion. Just like others have said though I wouldn't do something very low-key that is not very expensive on other people's pockets.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I’m glad someone agrees! Everyone deserves to feel amazing during their wedding season. Also I think it’s even more weird to have someone throw a party for me. Just because I’m awkward 😂

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Girl yassssss. You do you! I love it. My MOH and I are hosting a bridal brunch. It is just celebrating my day even though I am having a minimony. No registry and if anything I got party favors for them lol. Nothing wrong with that and I feel things are changing these days.

It's a silly "rule." I'm not having a wedding party, and was planning to throw myself a bachelorette just as an excuse to get together with my girlfriends. My friends ended up planning one for me anyway, but I don't see anything wrong with planning it yourself if you want.