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Lady.ghoulica
VIP October 2027

Who usually gets ready with the bride beside her Bms?

Lady.ghoulica, on August 7, 2018 at 12:24 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

I guess I am just double-checking on what is proper etiquette. I know that the BMs and MOB usually get ready alongside the bride, but what about her future MIL?

My FH's mom and I do not have the greatest relationship.

She's a tomboy and never wears makeup, dresses, or jewelry. She hates when people spend money on her, like, she's even yelled at my FH for buying her a card for her birthday. She's just nutty.

I guess my real question is, am I supposed to invite her to get ready with us? I know it wouldn't be her type of thing, and she would likely decline, and her presence would make me uncomfortable, so what should I do?

20 Comments

Latest activity by tempestt, on August 7, 2018 at 8:59 PM
  • Julie
    Dedicated February 2020
    Julie ·
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    If you know she would likely decline, I would invite her just to be nice.

    I don't think there is any set rule on this. I've seen it done with and without the FMIL.

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  • Lady.ghoulica
    VIP October 2027
    Lady.ghoulica ·
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    I mean, she would just be sitting around because she doesn't wear makeup or will do anything fancy with her hair.

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  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·
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    I extended the offer to my FMIL, FSIL, FSILs Fiance, and one of my close friends who is not in the BP. It only felt right to include them and I didn't want anyone to feel like they weren't being included or anything like that. If they declined that was fine but at least I put the offer out there. It never hurts to be considerate

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Maybe your fiance can ask her if she's interested? I'm getting ready with my bridesmaids, my mother, and my fiance's mother & stepmother.

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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    My MIL and I really don't see eye to eye either and she tends to make comments that upset me. My wedding was at a hotel venue so I had a suite for my bridesmaids and I to get ready in, my husband's half sisters (ages 8, 12 and 14) were my flower girl and junior bridesmaid so they also got ready in the suite and my husband's older sister who was a bridesmaid did their hair and makeup. Basically what happened was that my 7 bridesmaids, 2 junior bridesmaids and flower girl got ready in my room the entire time and my mom and mother in law popped in from time to time. Since my husband knew his mom might say something upsetting at some point he requested that she stay in his room as much as possible. He also politely explained to her before that I am really self-conscious so she should avoid making certain remarks to me while she's in the room.

    So basically don't have your fiance's mom to get ready with you, if she brings it up, have your fiance recommend she stays with him because your room will be crowded (the excuse we gave). It's not really etiquette for her to get ready with you, unless like in my case she has young daughters in the room with you that she might want to check on

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  • Lady.ghoulica
    VIP October 2027
    Lady.ghoulica ·
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    Mmmhmm, my FH's mom is very similar. She's two-faced and likes to make comments behind people's back. I wouldn't want her to scuff at all of our beauty expenses or the way I look.

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  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    My mom and FMIL are getting ready with my BM's. I did invite one other guest not in the wedding party to get ready with us since she is staying in the hotel room with one of my BM's for the night.

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  • Brittany
    Expert May 2019
    Brittany ·
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    I've had a lot of back and forth on this. My FMIL and I also don't have the greatest relationship and like you said, her presence would make me uncomfortable as well. I asked my photographer what most of her brides do and she said it's about 50/50. I talked to FH about his thoughts on the matter because I don't want there to be any drama surrounding it. He said that he would rather her just get ready in her hotel room and meet us for family portraits later.


    So now, instead of stressing about her being with me while I'm getting ready I'm just going to stress about her showing up late or looking a hot mess lol

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  • Lady.ghoulica
    VIP October 2027
    Lady.ghoulica ·
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    LOL!

    We're totally in the same boat.

    I feel like if I extended the offer, she would decline simply because she doesn't fit in. I know she'd rather do anything else, like help setting up, than sitting there with us. Ugh, I just .. don't. want. to. ask. her.


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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    Ugh yes! The only crappy comment she made was about the weather. I was trying to stay positive while we were getting ready that it wouldn't rain during the time we would be taking pictures and everyone else in the room knew to stay positive too then she comes in and goes "OMG look at the weather, it's definitely going to pour and storm SO bad allllll night" So I was like "No. it's not." anddddd it didn't rain until after photos were done Smiley smile

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    No I don’t think you’re obligated to invite her to get ready with you, unless you are really close with her. I’m just getting ready with my bridesmaids. My mom is of course welcome to join but she isn’t a super dressy person either... guarantee she will get a blowout the day before and put on eyeliner the morning of, and that will be that lol
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  • Alyssa
    Super December 2018
    Alyssa ·
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    I am having my mom and my bridesmaids. I offerred to future MIL and future SIL (who was originally a bridesmaid but dropped out) and they both declined the offer.
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  • Danielle K
    VIP June 2019
    Danielle K ·
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    This is the entire reason I am pushing back about having his little sister be a flower girl. I can not stand his step mother or father and to be honest I am not a big fan of his little sister. I want none of them anywhere near the room we are getting ready (also a hotel suit)

    OP 100% up to you. If you feel uncomfortable with her there don't suggest it. If she suggests it just say it will already be too crowded. If she does have children (daughter<s>Smiley winking getting ready with you? Maybe you can say they need to be at the location ready by x time, rather than having them get ready with you?

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  • April
    Expert September 2018
    April ·
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    My BMs, my mom, my FMIL and my step-FMIL will be getting ready with me. Thankfully my venue has a bridal suite for everyone to get ready in. I'm paying for makeup for everyone and some people are having hair done as well.

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  • Josh & Justine
    Super May 2018
    Josh & Justine ·
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    There's no set rule for who you should or shouldn't invite to get ready with you.

    But, you should definitely only invite people that you actually want there with you. I'm not close with my MIL or my SIL, and definitely would've been uncomfortable if they were there. I didn't even consider inviting them. I only wanted my BM's and my Mom there with me and had one of my close friends who wasn't in the bridal party stop by for a couple hours before she left to get ready.

    If you extend the invitation, there's a chance she may feel obligated to accept it and then you'll be stuck with her there, lol. If she wouldn't want to come, and you don't want her there - no need to ask!

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  • Malei
    Super October 2018
    Malei ·
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    I was only going to have my mom and his mom get ready with us because they wanted their hair and makeup professionally done so I was going to have my HMUA do it. However, because they would have to wait around with us for hours until we leave the hotel, I just hired a professional to travel closer to where they want to get ready.

    I don't think there's a set rule on who you should have with you. If one of my bm's didn't want their hair and makeup done by my HMUA (I gave them the option), then she wouldn't be getting ready with us.

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  • Cynthia
    Expert May 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    I’m not inviting my FMIL to get ready with me. We have a decent relationship, but she lives on the other side of the country, and she’s never met my bridesmaids or family. I’m inviting my MOH, my 2 BMs, my Mom, and my aunt (who I was named after) to get ready in the bridal suite. We all know each other and are comfortable. The addition of someone new being stuck there for hours on end not knowing anyone would just create an awkward vibe that I don’t want on my wedding day!
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  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
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    I'm not asking FMIL to get ready with us. If anything, she'd be spending time with her own child that morning, not me
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  • C
    Beginner June 2019
    countrybride123 ·
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    Totally feel the exact same way. Certain people I just do not want to deal with getting ready around. I have no idea what to do about this either.

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  • tempestt
    Dedicated September 2019
    tempestt ·
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    Me and my FMIL don't have the best relationship either. However I will offer, even though I'm sure she is foing to decline. But I know she will try to make a big issue if I didn't.
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