Who to knock off the guest list?!?!

I feel like there are really 3 ways to do this:

1. Invite who YOU want to, people may be upset they got cut but oh well.

2. Only invite the family you have spoken with/seen within the past XXX months/years (seen in the past 2 years, talked to since COVID, you decide this boundary)

3. Cut it off at a certain familial point (For example, parents/siblings/Aunts/Uncles/1st cousins only. No second cousins/other extended family)

We also have huge families, and most of them we haven’t spoken to in years. We cut off our invite at immediate family, like Ja said above. Parents, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles, 1st cousins, Grandparents and my Great Grandmother (only living great grandparent).
This was the easiest and most fair way to do it that way other members of our family wouldn’t be upset that they didn’t get invited.
We bought our home in the end of 2020, so that’s also the time cut off we made. Anybody in the accepted family category that we haven’t seen/spoken to was also not invited. We ended up with about 100 guests total versus 300 if we invited everyone.

My fiancé has a massive family and we decided that in order to keep ours within a reasonably affordable price range we would keep invites on his side to immediate family (mom, dad, siblings, and nieces and nephews) and then his aunts and uncles. We chose not to invite cousins as he has over 70 cousins... Most of whom I have never met or we really didn't even care if they were there or not.

Hi Jenni. Just here to chime in, don't forget your friends! After you make the larger family cut-off guidelines, ask yourself if you'd rather fill this slot with your trusted friend or this cousin you haven't seen in years. Try to refrain from making the wedding a family reunion or to heal any family strife. It's just a party, but it's yours with your future spouse. Ps. It is more polite to send wedding announcements after the day has passed. Best wishes!

Don't feel bad! Most people understand that you cannot invite everyone, especially if you have a big family. Make sure that the people who DO make your list are only those you really want to be there (no pity invites, no obligation invites, etc.).


For my husband and I, we only invited parents, siblings, nieces/nephews, aunts/uncles, and grandparents. All other guests were our close friends. There are 1 or 2 cousins I really wanted to invite but there was no easy way to do that without highlighting that I like those few better than all the rest. We livestreamed the ceremony (for free using Lovecast) and shared the link widely with the whole extended family. I was happily surprised that some of my cousins who were not invited tuned in to watch. There were no hurt feelings and everyone felt at least somewhat included. I also recommend this if you have family/friends who live far away and can't travel to be there!

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Thank you everyone for the advice! I was also thinking about live stream and announcements. I've already been married once 20 years ago and everyone was at that one. So I may just do live stream and announcements or just livestream. Thank you again!

Make a list of those people whom you cannot imagine the day without. Everyone else gets an announcement. Do not invite anyone out of obligation to please others such as parents (their friends, associates, other relatives, etc) if they are not important to you. If parents want to host family they can start a tradition of a family reunion picnic at a local park venue at another time that everyone contributes to equally. Every family dynamic is different. While it may work for some to invite parents and siblings only and best friends don’t make the cut, some people are not close to parents/siblings and their extended relatives are much closer. That said, just because you are close to one aunt/uncle/cousin does not in any way mean you are required to invite a different aunt/uncle/cousin you have no relationship with.


Also you can’t ask someone to celebrate your relationship with fiancé and not acknowledge or invite their significant other as a named guest. If they consider themselves a couple regardless of the time frame they are together that needs to be respected. They are not a plus one which is a random stranger who is invited out of obligation to entertain unattached single guests under the assumption they can’t have fun without a date.

I read a book on how to keep a wedding simple and cheap, and one of the tips was, "Keeping the guest list at a minimal." I knew this would be easy for me since I don't like a lot of people, Haha, but I did have a big family and I love all of them. But before I jumped of the deep end, I finished reading under that subtitle, " keeping the guest list at a minimal," and it said, "To help with this, ask yourself this very question: How would I feel if this person didn't invite me to their wedding?" After reading that my list went from 65 to 10-15.

So maybe ask yourself this question. Sometimes we like to invite everyone we love, but just because you love a person don't mean you necessarily have a relationship with them. And most people can understand that. Good luck girlie and congrats!

View Quoted Comment That makes a lot of sense! Thank you so much!

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You're welcome Happy to help!