who plans the bridal shower?

My MOH is planning mine, and my FMIL did try to add on 15 guests who I have no relation with they're her friends. But I stood my ground and limited her to 2 friends. Told her thats not fair because my MOH is hosting and my own mother isn't inviting friends. And the only reason why she wants friends there is because "there will be no one there for her".

Its up to you though, she may contribute to hosting but if she does contribute she has the right to invite x amount of guests as well.

I've heard of brides having multiple showers (one for each side of the family). Your FMIL can also plan her own. But, I don't think she should be demanding hijacking what your MOH is already planning.

My MOH is planning mine, and I've always heard that's who traditionally does it. However, there is nothing wrong with FMIL planning a second shower if she wants too.

What she said was she wants to talk to the MOH about the existing shower to give her information (she didn't say what- i'm just speculating that she wants her to invite people)

edit- i should probably add FMIL/ FH is from massachusetts and we live in NY, so her doing another shower might be a lot?

I had 2 showers, one planned by my BMs and a couple of their moms, the other by FMIL's friends (i have more family-by-choice than blood relatives in my life). we ended up having the 2 because the combined guest list would've been bonkers. it was kind of nice to have one for each side of our families.

I'm reading a lot of things in OP's comments. First, unless your shower is months before your wedding, it's WAY too early to be sending bridal shower invites. I can't even imagine you're close to sending out wedding invitations. Also, I don't get from your post that anyone is "hijacking" anything (just yet). Without knowing your FMIL and without you letting us know what the relationship is like, she could either, really like to contribute her time and money or could want to take everything over (or more likely something in between).

Also, we don't know if FMIL brought up the shower or if OP did. Too much unknown to access the situation. Perhaps if OP wants advise, she can provide more context. I don't think its fair to jump to conclusions.

ETA: There's no rule about who throws a shower. Circumstances vary greatly - I've seen them thrown by the mom's, MOH, sisters, or a combination thereof. It all depends on each person's situation.

Sorry about that- I tend to way-overcomplicate things so I was trying to just keep it to a quick question.

The shower is August 26th. It seems like everyone I've encountered is asking about it and wants to know whats going on. This is the summer season and people need to make plans, so maybe not sending out invitations to a whole list of people who can or can not make it or the world won't end, but maybe getting the word out to the FMIL would be nice. Perhaps I should ahve just done that..

OK, #2, I didn't say hijacking at all. I am just worried she is going to invite extra people. I get along with her, we have a great relationship. When she gave us a list of people to invite to the wedding that included some extended family and quite a few children, she was flexible when we told her we needed to cut it down a little shorter. I could say respectively she wouldnt be contributing money but maybe she wants to help in some way whether it be with decorations or setting up. Inviting extra people would only add to the cost for who is paying, assumedly my MOH.

I did just text a friend about this and when I said FMIL is helping us with our honeymoon though, friend said if that's the case then she should be allowed to invite people to the shower.

Yes I brought up the shower but in the context of wanting this thing planned. Perhaps with that being said, she wanted to just help get the ball rolling for me. But her statement was something along the lines of I'm the mother of the groom so I should be involved and need to be a part of the planning. I can't rememer exactly was said, but I just wanted to make sure my MOH isn't going to be bombarded.

To add a little more, again I don't want to overcomplicate, but the reason why I was only inviting FSIL, FMIL, and FSMIL (future step-mother in law) was because I didn't think it was appropriate to invite extended family of FH. "Gift-grabby?" I would rather just a card at the wedding and keep my shower to close people to me. These poeple would be driving 3 hours to come give me a gift.

The MOG and I will be throwing the shower for my youngest daughter as we want to include both sides in one shower plus friends of the bride and will be quite large. I'm sure we will include the BM's in the planning process but we will be splitting the cost between the two of us. We decided this 1 week after they got engaged and the wedding isn't until April of 2019. Um yeah, we are just a tad bit excited

MOB you are so cute! I wish my mom was this involved. She called me and asked "what the party is that MOH is planning for me". Your daughter is a lucky bride

The traditional hostess of a bridal shower were the friends of the bride's mother. This sometimes included aunts. The mother of the bride was never to host and it was looked at the same as the bride throwing one for herself. The fmil sometimes also hosted a shower for the groom's family.

Also, there were not any expectations on the bridal party. It is a newer, east coast expectation that MOHs and the bridal party are expected to host the shower.

Just to add to the commenters that say only the aunt should host, due to tradition, I only have one aunt. All my uncles never married or are divorced. I have a step Aunt who lives in Australia with my Uncle and an Aunt that lives in California. So that won't work.

I think my mother, fmil and maids are helping put it together. I'm not sure. In my opinion, anyone close with the bride should be able to contribute and help plan.

My MOH actually procrastinated while planning mine, and didn't send the invitations until the Monday before (no one came, it was awkward, not that I told my MOM that), so my FMIL decided to just throw a second one at the church without warning me. It was sweet of her.

I think that the bridal shower is thrown by whoever wants to throw it really (except for you, you can't throw your own shower). I say, if your FMIL wants to be involved, let her.

Yeah no one is really coming forward as far as other friends or family. my mom offered to pay, and then called me the other day and said i should call my grandma and ask her to do it for me so she can be involved in the wedding!!! so awkward i would never go to someone and ask them to do that! mom is in florida so she isn't planning anything, just said (and then kind of retracted i guess) funding the shower.