Who Pays

The etiquette on this is blurred. In my area, if you ask someone that's underage to be in your wedding, you pay for their attire. We paid for both of our underage flowergirls.

You're not responsible for anyone's hair or makeup unless you're requiring it.

The 15 year old is a groomsman so he would be the only groomsman not in a tux if he didn't rent one so I definitely would want him to match the others. As for hair and makeup the pricing starts at $35 for hair and $35 for makeup so it would be a minimum of $140 for hair and makeup for both girls not including tax or tip. It can be more expensive depending upon the style they want. We could probably pay a portion towards the tuxes for the boys, but we did not budget for them. However, if we paid a portion for the tuxes that would mean that we couldn't pay anything towards the hair and makeup and their mom didn't seem to think she should pay for that even though she is the one requesting it.

Honestly, we just paid for our ring bearers (shirt, shorts, suspenders and bowtie) and flower girl outfit (dress and flower crown). I was able to find some reasonably priced outfits for them and didn't want to go through the who's paying stress. With that being said, since we're paying for that, we decided not to do extra gifts. The boys will be 3 and 1.5 and our flower girl will be 1.5, so i don't think they will notice if they get gifts or not

Personally, I paid for my flower girls dress because her mom is a bridesmaid. Mom is also having their hair and makeup done, which is fine, they're paying for that. I never agreed to pay for anyones hair/makeup which is why lines are not blurred. However, you mentioned paying for flower girl baskets, ring bearer pillows, and crowns. These would be something you paid for as a couple, as it is something that adds to the wedding. Ex: You would (hopefully) never ask your wedding party to pay for their own flowers and these items should be looked at as similar.

Part of the reason I mentioned flowers is that their mom told me they need flowers for the rehearsal to practice with so are additional things I don't think are necessary, but I plan on buying so they can practice throwing them because their mom thinks that is necessary.

Is it possible to compromise and have the younger boys in suits instead of tuxs and to buy instead of renting? I'm sure you can find lesser expensive suits that they can wear more than once, however I also understand if you don't want to compromise. For makeup i think that you guys should stand your ground since you are not requiring for the girls to have their makeup done. All they really need (if any) if maybe some color lip gloss, mascara, and some blush to help enhance some features in the photos. You definitely do not need a professional for that. I was a junior bridesmaid in my aunt's wedding and as far as I can remember my family paid for my dress and tiara and if i wanted my hair and makeup professionally done they would have to pay for that too. Unless you are paying for everyone's hair and makeup or requiring it, I don't think you are obligated to pay for theirs.

For the ring bearer we picked a tux that is similar to the tuxes the groom and groomsmen are wearing, but cheaper. As for the 15 year old, he is one of the groomsmen so he should definitely be in the same tux as the other groomsmen. It is cheaper to rent both tuxes rather than buy them. My fiance and I have been talking and the company that we are getting the tuxes from offer a free tux if you rent so many and we are talking about letting them have the free tux for the 15 year old which would mean we would have to pay for my fiance's tux, but then they would only have to pay for the ring bearer's tux which is only like $90. As for hair and makeup, it definitely isn't a requirement. We aren't paying for anyone else to get their hair and makeup done so I feel that cost should be in them. My fiance just feels bad because he doesn't want to make them spend a bunch of money. I totally agree with not wanting to make them spend a bunch of money either, but I don't think we should be expected to pay for hair and makeup to be professionally done for a 4 and 6 year old. My fiance and I just don't seem to agree on this matter.

I understand your point completely. I don't know if your FH is the same way but (since we do not have any kids of our own yet) my FH is a suckerrrr for his niece. He LOVES to spoil her. Is there a possibility he wants to pay for their hair and makeup because he partially wants to spoil them? Or is it possible that his sister may have fallen on some financial hardship and he knows but doesnt want to say anything? Either way I still agree with you that hair any makeup is not a necessity. Maybe give them the option we were going to get the girls "this gift" for being in the wedding but since you want their hair and makeup done we would be replacement gift. Kind of leave the decision up to the parents?

In my humble opinion, flowers for the day before is totally unnecessary.

If it's just the little boy's tuxedo, you can find them for $45 at Macy's or continue to search at a Saks off 5th etc and that might take some of the edge off.