Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Cassandra
Beginner December 2020

Who is walking me down the aisle?

Cassandra, on January 13, 2020 at 8:30 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
Okay so from my google searches, this question has been asked many times, but I still don’t see anything that fits me own personal situation..


I guess the easiest way to start is my biological father and I did not come in to each other’s lives until I was 18 (I am now 29) that’s a long story in and of itself but basically he didn’t know I existed and yes I have proof of that, and of him being my real father. So now over the last 11 years we are best of friends. We have a strong and genuine bond as if he were there throughout my whole life.
Now I also have a step dad from age 9 until present day and our relationship until me moving out at 18 was, to say the least, very rocky. I am the middle of 5 kids, me being my mothers only biological and my mom and step dad not having any children of their own. I never felt like one of his kids growing up, and nothing was ever done to change my perception..
As an adult our relationship has been... better. I wouldn’t say so much as to “father-daughter” but he has been there for me when I needed something fixed when I lived alone, stuff like that. I do still hold on to some of the stuff he put me through as a child. Recently he has expressed (but not to me) that it will be hard for him to watch my bio dad walk me down the aisle..
I am pretty stuck. My bio dad is absolutely going to be a part of walking me down the aisle, but what do I do about my step dad?
I should note that most of the posts I read similar to my situation were of brides having this AMAZING relationship with their step dad, or not having that great of a biological dad. I feel opposite but still also unique.
Any info would be appreciated. I am sorry this is so long, but I needed the whole picture out there (or the shortest version at least). Thanks in advance!

12 Comments

Latest activity by Allison, on January 22, 2020 at 7:46 AM
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    They could both walk you down the aisle and you could even do a first look with both.

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated June 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Mine situation is kind of similar. I think I'm going to have my stepdad walk me about half way to my bio and have my bio give me away. I'm still tossing that idea around because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. My stepdad is actually my ex stepdad and he raised me. I didnt have a strong relationship with my bio dad until I was 16
    • Reply
  • Bryana
    Dedicated April 2021
    Bryana ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I like the idea of them both walking you down to give you away. What’s your thoughts on that?
    • Reply
  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I say do what makes YOU happy. You said it yourself, you two don’t have a strong relationship. He shouldn’t be too surprised. And if he will feel hurt, he needs to express that to you, not someone else. If you want your bio dad to walk you down, have an in person talk with your step dad about it, and just explain that since you and your dad have gotten so close, you’d like him to walk you down. You could try to compromise and include them both. Maybe he could stand up at the end of the aisle to “give” you away with your dad. Or maybe have them both walk you, and enjoy the advantage of having two men who love you give their blessing. My son and my mom are walking me down, since I was raised by my mom, and it’s important for me to have my son’s blessing to marry my FH (his future step dad). It’s your wedding day, so you can choose whatever you feel is best!
    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Beginner December 2020
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes I do kind of like that idea! Or what Ashley said, the half and half. I have some time to think about it. We aren’t getting married until December. But I like to weigh all my options early!
    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    KAREN ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I say do what your heart tells you to do. You could do both. I had both my mom and dad walk me down since they both raised me equally (my parents are together, but my dad wasn't around much when I was younger due to him getting his PhD, working ,etc so my mom was basically a single mom except for weekends--I appreciate all my dad did, but it doesn't change that my mom was around way more) and I'm so glad I did.

    • Reply
  • J
    Dedicated June 2021
    Jasmyn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I'm literally in almost the same exact situation. I already asked my stepdad and he accepted however I have yet to ask my bio dad and i get a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. I want my dad to know its not because i'm punishing him for not have a good relationship but a celebration of having 2 really great men in my life who helped raise me. Have you already had the conversation with your bio dad?

    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Beginner December 2020
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    My bio dad said he will do whatever makes me happy. It’s my day. If I want him to walk me all the way down the aisle or halfway or not at all, as long as I’m happy.


    My problem is the relationship I’ve had with my step dad not being the greatest. It’s truly what is holding me back. Because to me he wasn’t a great man that helped raise me. He only started acting like a real dad or step dad after I became an adult and on my own. But he is telling other people it will hurt him to see my bio dad give me away. But he hasn’t said any of this to me.. it’s just confusing and hard. But once I make a decision there is no turning back from it.
    My bio dad is 100% walking me down the aisle.. it’s just a matter of if it’s halfway or all the way
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated June 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Ive actually talked to my bio dad and he didn't care at all! He knows it's my day and doesn't care. I haven't asked my stepdad yet I'm more nervous to ask him! Lol but I don't think he'll care! They both know that I call both of them dad and I'm grateful for both of them being there for me
    • Reply
  • J
    Dedicated June 2021
    Jasmyn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I think at the end of the day you need to trust your gut. Do you WANT your stepdad to be apart of that moment?
    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this. It sounds like you are including him out of obligation. Is this true?

    • Reply
  • A
    Savvy May 2021
    Allison ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Meghan Markle walked down by herself halfway to show her own independence before being escorted the rest of the way by Prince Charles. It was supposed to be her dad but he had a heart thing come up: https://www.independent.co.uk/royalwedding/meghan-markle-walk-aisle-alone-feminist-prince-charles-royal-wedding-harry-latest-news-a8357766.html

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

WeddingWire article topics