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Just Said Yes June 2021

Who do i invite to the bridal shower?

Erin, on March 23, 2021 at 2:09 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

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So, here’s my dilemma: I am a people pleaser and I’ve spent this entire wedding process trying to make sure everything has gone smoothly. I’ve done my best to give all of my family AND my FH’s family the little things they’ve asked for. Don’t worry though. I’ve made sure that the most important things that I wanted were taken care of and gotten first and foremost. But now I’m stuck with not knowing who to invite for the bridal shower.

My biggest question is should I invite my fiancé’s female family members? His mom is 100% for sure invited. But do I invite her sister? Do I invite my FH’s dad’s sister in laws? If I invite his one sister and her daughter since I’m close to them, do I need to invite his sister in law? There’s a group of couples my parents have been close with my entire life, and I’m definitely inviting one of the wives. She has been a huge part of my life. But if I invite her, do I need to invite the other 3 as well? It’s just become so difficult because my dad has 7 sisters. Yes. 7 whole sisters. Lol. And from them there are 8 of my girls that are cousins and some of them have daughters that I’m fine with them bringing and two of my male cousin’s wives. My dads side of the family is HUGE but we are an extremely close family. There’s not a single one of them, including those brought in by marriage, that I don’t feel a special bond with. Plus all my close friends and my moms family. I don’t want a bridal shower guest list of 100 people

I can’t accommodate to that. But I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I just feel lost. This is the first time in the year of planning I’ve been doing that I’ve felt so anxious. I hate hurting people. It hurts me to my core to know I’m the reason for someone’s pain or anger.

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Chelsea, on March 24, 2021 at 3:24 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 23, 2021 at 2:20 PM
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Have you talked to the hostess(es) about how many guests they can accommodate? If so, start by adding the guests that you’re closest to and if there are spots left on your guest list, extend the invite to larger circles like your aunts. I would definitely recommend inviting more people from your FH’s family than just his mom, you don’t want to totally exclude them.
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Expert September 2021
Dayna · on March 23, 2021 at 3:02 PM
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It sounds like your family is kind of similar to mine. My dad has 6 sisters and one married brother. I invited all 7 aunts. I have 4 female cousins on that side (well there's a bunch more but I don't know them). Only 2 of them are invited to the wedding so they were also invited to the shower.
On my mom's side, I only invited her one best friend and her brother's wife and daughter. I have several great aunts on that side and miscellaneous other family who are invited to the wedding, but I am not close with any of them so they were not invited to the shower.
On my FH's side, I invited only family I know fairly well or am close with. Generally, family we would see on holidays or at least a couple times a year. This included: his mom, stepmom, grandmother, one aunt and her wife, sister, sister-in-law, and brother's girlfriend and daughter. I excluded all cousins and other aunts I do not know well, even though they are invited to the wedding.
I think it's fine to invite only the one friend of your parents who you are close with. As for your FH's family, I think more than just his mom would be good, but stick with people you at least know and would enjoy having there. I agree with Caitlyn that if a venue/budget has already been set by the host, this may help you narrow down the list and if anyone asks, explain why. My shower ended up with an invite list of around 40, although thanks to covid, only ended up being about 20 people. It was wonderful though!
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on March 23, 2021 at 3:46 PM
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As Caytlyn suggested, I would ask the host how many guests they can accommodate. The bridal shower guest list is typically made up of the women (who are also invited to the wedding) who are closest emotionally to the bride and live locally (usually about 2 hours away max would be my limit). Sometimes exceptions can be made, like for instance, my husband's grandparents live in Florida (and we live in NJ), but his grandma was still invited because, well, she's grandma lol. See how many people that puts you at.
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Expert June 2021
Chelsea · on March 24, 2021 at 3:24 PM
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I ended up inviting most of the women on the guest list. I only excluded those who live significantly far away. I also made sure to invite siblings — for example, he has an aunt who lives 1.5 away so she was invited but because I invited her, I made sure to invite her sister even though she lives four hours away. I did this so nobody felt like I didn't like them (confessed: also a people pleaser).
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