Who Can Be Excluded from Rehearsal Dinner in Destination Wedding?

If fmil is hosting, she gets the most say over the guest list.

New wife can cohost with fmil and pony up or shut up.

I would leave out the drink invitation--it will cost a bunch and still smack of b list.

Is your brother coming?

If your FH's mom is paying she gets the final say on the guest list. I do think since its a DW its probably better to do all or nothing.

IE - You either invite all the guests or you keep it very small and simple. You, FH, Bridal party and parents. No siblings or grandparents or anyone who isn't directly involved and call it a day. Especially if you plan to have a small cocktail party afterward.

ETA: THe cocktail hour sounds okay if it isn't a formal invitation and is only by word of mouth. if FMIL is paying for that then that should just be melded into the RD IMO

I'm the opposite of Christy. If i traveled all that way I'd want some time to myself. Every other day has something planned.

I say have the rehearsal dinner with your nearest and dearest, and start the official wedding festivities on Saturday. Not everybody needs to go to the rehearsal dinner, even though it is a destination wedding.

I am having a destination wedding. I am not inviting everyone to the rehearsal dinner. We are providing dinner and breakfasts other days for our guests. We felt that having a rehearsal dinner with just family (parents, siblings, godparents, grandparents) was a good way to spend quality time with them. We have no bridal party so that's why were not listed. Also, since we are providing dinner and breakfast other days for the other guest if we invited them to the rehearsal dinner they would have no opportunity to venture into the city to see dinner / night life because they might obligated to come to the dinners we invited them too.

I agree with Nonna is FMIL is hosting it than she gets the final say on guest list.

Rehearsal dinners, in theory, are just that. Rehearsal people and their SO's. I don't think you have to invite everyone to every event for three days.

I'm with OGK on this one but ultimately she who pays has the say.

Soooo by inviting everyone who is at the wedding to the rehearsal, you would basically be having two weddings, no? I don't see the point of hosting everyone both nights, especially if I was in FRANCE (and after a many hours flight) I would want to be able to have some time on my own to relax and not be in social mode but ultimately this is up to whoever is paying.

How many people will be at the wedding? Are you forcing people to get there on Friday?

I had a DW. We invited everyone to the rehearsal dinner and a morning after wedding brunch. We had about 50 people for each of those events and 80 for the wedding. I felt like it was important to host my guests when they were traveling for the weekend.

@EM My RD was in no way a second wedding lol. It was a buffet dinner at a nice restaurant with beer and wine. My wedding was outside at a beach resort with a four course meal, entertainment, and a premium open bar. Plus, you know, I got married lol.

I am also someone who would appreciate (probably even need) some time to myself during a scheduled full weekend.

When are you asking people to get there? It seems like if you made it clear that wedding events start on Saturday you are ok. If you asked your guests to come on Friday it would be rude to exclude them from the dinner. If the guests chose to come a little early, then they made that choice and can entertain themselves or rest up.

Numbers also matter. If more than half your guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner then people will feel excluded. If it is less than half I think you are ok.

You have something hosted for everyone on every other day of the wedding weekend. It is absolutely not rude to keep the RD to closest family and wedding party only. It's fine.

I agree with @OGK. I would want some time to myself considering that there are events every other day.

I would definitely want that one night to myself to do what I wanted. Personally it is completely exhausting to me to fly long distance and I really like to spend time on my own with FH getting to know where I am and settling in. I like the idea of immediate family for actual dinner then some optional drinks at the mansion after wards, that way I can choose to join the group or not without feeling pressured.

There is no breach of etiquette if you confine the guest list for the RD to those attending the rehearsal and immediate family. A destination wedding does not mean you are required to host every meal for the complete stay of all the guests.

If you so choose, you could invite others to join you for drinks afterward, or, if you need more control over the budget, coffee and dessert.

The only breach of etiquette is your future Stepmother in Law giving out erroneous advice when she is not paying.

@fall bride - this would be a third dinner we're hosting. Wedding is on Sunday and we're having a big lawn party on Saturday

@Mrs. Fall Bride - A few reasons but mostly because I don't plan on drinking at the lawn party because the wedding will be the next day. I'd really like an event - the rehearsal dinner - to have fun, drink and give a special thank you to the people closest to me.

To clarify: The rehearsal dinner is a THIRD night. All guests and invited and included in all events on Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning.