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Just Said Yes May 2021

Where to hold the wedding when the families live on opposite ends of the state?

Sara, on November 12, 2019 at 5:45 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 6

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I’m from the southern half of Ohio (15 minutes from Kentucky) and my fiancé is from the northern half (about and hour from Michigan). The distance is roughly 3 1/2 to 4 hours apart. We met at a church we were (and still are) attending that is about 30 minutes south from where his family lives. He really wants to have the wedding at our church and the reception at an event hall about 15 minutes from the church. In theory I would be okay with that, but my family just isn’t going for it. My family is very very traditional. They want to me to get married in my hometown, and part of me would absolutely love to get married at my home church where I grew up. My parents also aren’t very happy about our engagement (that’s a long and awful story), and they are being very petty about it. To the point where both of them have threatened not to attend if we hold the wedding ceremony in the north (and yes, it is important to me for them to be there to a degree). Either way we go, I know we are going to be excluding people we love. There are people on both sides who aren’t going to be able to travel far (or aren’t willing to travel far). So I’m trying to figure out what is going to be the best way to handle this situation. Does anyone have any advice? We’ve looked into getting married in Columbus (a half-way Point) but neither of us really want to do that because we don’t have any attachment to that area and we don’t necessarily like traveling bigger cities. I thought about having a small, intimate wedding ceremony at my home church because it’s a small place, my guests would be most interested in being at the actual ceremony (of course his guests are still invited for those who would want to travel), and it would mean a lot to me. Then the next day holding a big reception up where our mutual friends and his family live because they are more of the party people. Or maybe we should get married somewhere completely different and have two receptions when we get back? Is having two receptions really a good option or will people not care as much since we would already have been married by that point? I really have no clue what to do, so I would appreciate suggestions!

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Alyssa, on November 21, 2019 at 9:17 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on November 12, 2019 at 5:55 PM
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I think that a huge part of a wedding is joining two families. Holding separate receptions for each family completely disregards that. You said that you've both expressed interest in getting married in the church that you attend together and that sounds like the best option to me. I understand that having your parents there is important to you, but if they decline your wedding invitation just because they aren't getting their way, does it seem to you like it's that important to them? Now is the time to establish boundaries and put your foot down. Decisions are made between you and your FH, not your parents. This isn't their wedding. If you let them have their way now, their control problems will carry over into the rest of your marriage, including any children that you may have in the future.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on November 12, 2019 at 6:01 PM
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I agree with PP. this is your day so YOU and your FH make a plan for what you guys want to do and then go from there. If family doesn’t come that doesn’t say much about them.
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Super August 2020
Alex · on November 13, 2019 at 1:55 PM
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Where do you guys live now? I would suggest having it there. Wedding planning is so much easier if you are locate! That can be how you explain it to your family. You aren't trying to hurt anyone's feelings, you are tying to minimize the stress on yourself and your FH.
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on November 13, 2019 at 3:18 PM
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I had a similar issue. FH and I live around 5 hours from where we met. His parents moved after we graduated so they don't live there anymore either. We decided to get married in the town where we graduated from college because it's only an hour and a half from our current home and it's also closer to our families (3 hours). This was an effort on our end to compromise. My family is not happy about it and wanted us to get married in their town. It was a huge argument and I finally put my foot down and told them no. I'm paying for 75% of the wedding and it made zero sense for us to have it there for coordinating purposes. It would be nearly impossible for me to plan from 5 hours away. I'd do what y'all want and they'll get over it. It's YOUR day! If they really want to be there, they'll make an effort.
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Just Said Yes May 2021
Sara · on November 18, 2019 at 11:12 AM
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Thank you all for your input. It makes me feel better knowing I’m not crazy for wanting to have our wedding where it means the most to both of us. I know that no matter what kind of logic I use to explain the decision to my parents it’s not going to go over well, but like you all have said, if they really want to be there they will be there.
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Super December 2021
Alyssa · on November 21, 2019 at 9:17 AM
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You need to do what is important to what is important to YOU and your FH. If your family is going to be petty about where the wedding is held and not come and not support the marriage because of it, they need to grow up. It sounds like they are not being supportive either way, so you may need to have a heart to heart and find out why.
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