Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes May 2020

Where do i draw the line in helping with the yardwork?

Jules, on February 24, 2020 at 12:50 PM Posted in Planning 0 7

Saved

Flag
Hide content

So I am getting married young (I'll be 22, right out of college) and my parents offered to host our wedding. They said they'd (reasonably) expect help getting the yard and house ready for the wedding as much as I could around classes. ( My school is a 3 hour drive away). I agreed and so we planned on having the wedding at their house. After that, I found out my last few classes are online instead of in person. So immediately they wanted me to find a job. Also reasonable. Fast forward a few months and the wedding is exactly 3 months away from today. At this point, I have just started a new job, am trying to keep up with my online classes, am trying to get moved out of my apartment by school, and they have informed me they don't have time to help me get the yard ready and it's my responsibility. This includes seeding the yard, sodding some spots, shoveling out over 100 lbs of compost, leaf blowing, flower planting, removing and replacing the mulch, and clearing out the garden. (My mother is in nursing school and my father is working a lot) I'm completely overwhelmed but I feel like I don't have another option. I'm seriously considering cancelling the wedding and eloping, but some of my family have already bought dresses and plane tickets. I'd feel terrible cancelling. I have tried to do everything they ask and constantly get belittled for not doing enough. Is it fair of them to drop this entirely on me? They keep telling me it's my wedding, but then again they offered to host. We didn't ask. I'm just lost at this point. I don't know what to do.

Flag
Hide content

7 Comments

Latest activity by Katharine, on February 24, 2020 at 6:29 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 24, 2020 at 1:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
Can you find an inexpensive venue to have it at instead like a community center or legion? Or hire a landscaper?
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2020
Jules · on February 24, 2020 at 1:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
We've already printed our invitations. I'm not going to spend another $200 changing the address. It's either figure it out with my parents or elope. As far as a landscaper goes, they have just put in a several thousand dollar wood floor, built a poolhouse, and built a several thousand dollar arbor. They say they don't have money for it because of all this other stuff they've "done for my wedding". We didn't ask for an arbor or a wood floor or a pool shed. And my fiancee and I are just out of college. We certainly don't have the money to go do any of that, we can barely make rent. So I think it's fair to say no, those probably aren't options for us.
- Reply
Expert May 2021
Rachael · on February 24, 2020 at 1:17 PM
Flag

Hide content
Is there a local lawn care business you could hire to help? Or do you know anyone, high school kids or something you can pay to help you out?
- Reply
Super March 2020
kymarmck · on February 24, 2020 at 1:34 PM
Flag

Hide content
I definitely second what PP said about getting high school students to help out!
I know where I live, there are tons of high school students that would jump at the opportunity to do some yard work for quick cash! If you can afford to, I'd go that route! Truthfully I would budget about $200 and see if you can get 4 students to help you for a few hours! Even if you don't get it all done, with 5-6 people working on the yard for a few hours, it would get a HUGE portion of it done!
- Reply
Devoted September 2021
Erin · on February 24, 2020 at 2:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with what the PP are saying, even see if there any local boy scouts who could use this as an opportunity for their eagle scout project!
- Reply
VIP January 2019
Maggie · on February 24, 2020 at 5:47 PM
Flag

Hide content
I do think they have the right to ask you to contribute to your own wedding. Sure, if would have been nice if their plans had including helping you do the yard work, but your parents sound really busy, too.
If you can barely make rent, then clearly you can't afford to pay someone to do this work. And if you and your future spouse really don't have the time to do it, then this is not the venue for you. I would postpone the wedding until you can afford a venue or elope (and there's really nothing at all wrong with eloping).
Call your out of town family who already bought plane tickets immediately and tell them you are sorry to inconvenience them, but you have to change your plans.
- Reply

Expert July 2021
Katharine · on February 24, 2020 at 6:29 PM
Flag

Hide content
It sounds like eloping would be less stress on everyone. Either post-pone the wedding a year or two, or elope. As others said, notify guests immediately so they can try to get refunds or vouchers to use later.
While your parents are perfectly in their rights to make you helping with the yard a condition of using their house for the wedding, it sounds like they backed out their intention to help with the labor there too. So since they can't help anymore, explain that you've decided to elope isntead and save everyone the stress. Go to the courthouse & get married there. You can always renew your vows in a few years with a party/ceremony then, when you're in a better financial position.
- Reply