Where did you draw the line on your guest list?

Okay, definitely don't have a second list (it's called B listing and majority of WW does not approve). How would you feel if you knew you got invited only because someone else turned down the invitation? Shitty right?

For a destination wedding, you will definitely have declines, so consider that. I say, invite whoever you want to celebrate your wedding with, and expect some declines, especially people like distant relatives and old high school friends. If you invite 70 people, it is highly unlikely you will have all 70 at your destination wedding.

My rule was they got cut if I hadn't seen them in person in the past year, with the exception of one or two family members.

Don't invite people just to have a bigger guest list. Would having 20 extra people really be the part of your wedding that would make it even better? Probably not.

I originally wanted 35, it's now at 85 (although I'm pretty sure it'll be closer to 65 when the time comes)

We didn't invite any of our parents friends, fortunately they never asked.

I am all for inviting a lot of people! I want it my wedding to be a big party so I think invite more. Especially since not everyone will attend a destination wedding.

Do not B list anyone.

Also - most people who are further removed are not going to make a destination wedding so why bother

I didn't realize a B list was that bad. Most people that are on it are people like high school friends and distant relatives that understand there isn't much room because it's a small wedding (considering how large our immediate families are)

Now I'm rethinking the B list thing. Thank you all for opening my eyes to that!

Glad you rethought the B list. It's refreshing to have people open to advice when asking a question.

As for the rest of your question, I wouldn't add anyone unless you wanted them to come before but didn't add them to the list to keep the list down. We had the opposite problem, wanted to keep it at a max of 75, ended up with a list of about 125 (I think), managed to cut it down to 119. I would have loved a little extra space for some friends, so I totally get that. But I wouldn't invite people I don't actually care if they attend or not just to fill the original estimated guest list.

We made 1 giant list of everyone we could think of. It was originally at 170 (including spouses, about 30 kids and +1's).

Then we started weeding out that list. Ours was budget based. So far we have figured that it's going to cost about $25 pp, and started trimming the list. The first to go were very distant relatives and the courtesy invites (friends of our parents that we thought our parents would want to invite if they were still alive, although we honestly didn't feel like those people would really come).

The way we look at our list now is "who could we absolutely not envision having our wedding without" And if the answer is no, we couldn't imagine not sharing this day with them, then they stay. If the answer is yes, we can envision this day without them, then they go." I'm hoping to get the entire list down to 100 total adults (right now we are at 116), so we're really close.

The only reason why I was making a B list, is that if we go over 70 guests the hotel (where the reception is being held) has a rule where we then have to spend a minimum of $10,000 on food and beverage.

This was easy for me. I dont really have a lot of friends. I dont make friends easily and have not made new ones since highschool. I have come to a conclusion that these people became my friends because they wouldnt leave me alone lol. I have 2 left. One lives 16 hours from me. The other is 3 hours. The one that lives 3 hours will be attending.

Everyone else on my side is immediate family and their family. My parents, siblings, their kids (most are adults) and their kids. Df has less immediate family and we live closer to his extended family so he has more extended attending than I do

Definitely don't do a B list but also consider that with a DW even people that are close to you are going to decline. We're not inviting any of my parents friends but FMIL has a few best friends that were inviting. His family's list is very small (opposed to my 25 aunts and uncles) so I had no problem with it. If it's someone you barely know, leave them off.

One thing to consider - your guests may not be able to afford a trip to Hawaii

Invite who you can afford, IF they all say yes, WHICH they won't because Hawaii is expensive.

We did an A and B list to help us decide who to invite BUT once the final list is done there is no more subsequent lists, that would be rude.

Our Deciding factors-

- No one under 18

- No coworkers (unless a coworker was a great outside of work friend)

- No invite if we had not seen or spoken to them in 1 year (facebook does not count)

- Each parent got 1 couple they could invite that was not on our list

- We set our number of guests first, then filled in the people

Once we had our 'must have' guests on the list we each started suggesting names of other people to invite. If there wasn't a positive reaction to them being at the wedding then they didn't get added to the list.

In your case, I would extend the guest list a bit to include older friends and extended family, knowing that they will not travel to Hawaii but that you would have liked them to be there. For a DW, especially a place like Hawaii that isn't cheap like Caribbean locations, you will get declines from even close friends/family.

I say keep it at 55 because if you start to make reasons to invite someone, you'll end up with a list bigger than 70! lol. Before you know it your reasons will go from "Let's invite my cousin's bestfriend because I was invited to her bachelorette party and we hang out once every other year" to "Well, I haven't seen my great aunt twice removed in 10 years but the last time I saw her she gave me a box of chocolates, so I think we should invite her"

Please don't B-list people. Especially for a destination wedding. If you're sending out a very late invite for a destination wedding to those people, it'll be obvious.

We had a larger guest list but as far as super distant family and friends, if my only interaction with them anymore was "liking" or commenting things on their Facebook, they were removed. If they were people I communicated with via text, phone, hanging out in person, and we kept up with each other over the years at least, we invited them.

Originally we planned for a max of 100 guests. Then after researching and really figuring out the type of party we wanted we decided a more intimate party with those that really know us as a couple and care about our happiness was more our thing. So 3-4 friends for each of us, parents, siblings, and our children. BOOM. BAM. Guest list set and no stressing offending people because Sally is invited and they aren't.