When You're an Ugly Bride & Everyone Knows It

If you are on this app, I hope that means you have found a person who loves you whether or not you are ugly or beautiful. I hope you also love yourself no matter how you look ❤

You have a fiancé and are in love. I am sorry kids were mean to you. Your fiancé thinks you are beautiful. Have you tried to talk to anyone about this? Maybe a professional? I do not want anyone to think badly of them self.

REPOST: Ever since I was a girl, I've been one of those awkward, ugly girls that EVERYONE loved to bully - the boys would jokingly ask me if I'd go out with [insert name of another guy who is clearly off in a nearby corner sneering with impending laughter], the girls would go to every effort to make you look stupid to inflate their ego(because being better looking wasn't enough) - because when you just don't have the social skills or the confidence to fight back, you're an easy target.

Not much has changed, I am still socially awkward, riddled with anxiety and still very much below the bar in the appearance department - I'm overweight, with crooked teeth and never ending acne, though that has lessened over the years at least.

Thankfully, I lost a lot of weight after high school and fell in love when I went to college, but college was far from paradise. My anxiety and the stress of college lead to me gaining all the weight I lost back and my anxiety just kept getting worse.

My fiance still loves me unconditionally, and I know it's all within my control to fix, I did it before, I can do it again.

But it's going to be a long road, much longer than a mere 30 days (that's how soon the big day is).

It's just that I've been so hurt by things future in-laws have said about my appearance recently. Some have called me an ugly cow or a troll and it's just so hurtful when I've been with my fiance and his family for 6 years - through abuse, divorce, unplanned pregnancies, even visiting one of them while they were in prison - I understand they don't have to like me and I don't need their approval to be my fiance's wife, but it's still so hurtful the people you have looked at as your family and treated as your family for 6 years still have no respect for you as a person, let alone as a family member.

Your post makes me so sad. I hope you start talking to a counselor or psychiatrist to help work through and deal with all the mean things people have said to you. I'm sure you are a beautiful person and bride, inside and out.

charms88, I hope you have had support for your situation. If you think talking to someone may help please consider checking out 7 Cups of Tea, a website where you can chat to trained listeners as well as access guides, exercises, and tips for working through a variety of tough situations - http://www.7cups.com/

His family doesn't dislike you because of your appearance. They are mean people, and use your appearance because they know it gets to you. If tomorrow you lost 100 lbs., fixed your acne, etc., they would still be mean people.

You need to talk to your FI about limiting your contact with them, because they have found your insecurities and are working on making them worse. He needs to support you by telling them outright that you are going to be his wife, that he is in love with you, and that if they can't lay off the nasty comments, they are out of his life.

View Quoted Comment Oh he has, sadly they don't respect him or even really each other.

We literally had one FBIL admit to messing around with other FBIL's ex-wife while she was still his wife.

I think you're right that even if I had fixed everything, they'd still be find something. It's still very hurtful though when some of it has come from the nieces and nephews you've doted on for the past six years and the issues and tendencies you've seen in their parents starts to come out.

We all have insecurities, but reading your post it's more than that. It really breaks my heart to read that you're being treated that way. I hope you can talk to someone to help you overcome this.

Charms88,

I feel like there’s something very important that you need to know: you are beautiful just the way you are! You always have been, and nothing will change that in the future.

Your fiance is with you because he loves you, and he loves you enough to say this is the person I choose to spend the rest of my life with! I’m sure he probably is someone who knows you better than most people, definitely better than your in laws. Value his judgement higher than theirs, but not only that, remember that your beauty stands strong, and has not, does not, and will not change depending on who is judging. Your beauty does not, has not, and will not waiver depending on what your bathroom scale reads. Every one is created unique and different, and your beauty has not, does not, and will not waiver depending on the beauty of others around you.

The words that have been said by people that are special to you can hurt, and they were wrong to say that! I’m so sorry for the horrible (and inaccurate) things that have been said. Keep standing strong! You are a beautiful person, and you will be a beautiful bride (inside and out!)

They're toxic and do not respect you. I know it's easier to just say to not allow them to effect you, but as soon as you see less of them and focus on what's important in your life, you will be so much happier. Small doses. Don't spend as much time with them as you have in the past.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree, love yourself, accept yourself first than anything else.

I am so sorry to hear this Charms88. I know it might be difficult dealing with theese hurtful remarks, but I would just try to remain focused on the fact that you have a wonderful fiancé that loves you unconditionally. It takes an amazing individual to open up about something like this, so it shows just how beautiful you truly are. Keep reminding yourself of how wonderful you are. Please try to remain positive, and let us know if there is anything else we can assist you with. Hang in there.

Honestly I'd choose to never see them again. Relatives don't have to be your support and love family. Together, create a family of friends, people who love you for you. Find groups to join together, whether interest groups, a faith community, or even a support group.

View Quoted Comment

*hugs* just remember your fiance loves you and that's all that matters.

I get it. I was picked on SO much in school. One guy even asked me why I was so ugly. I was terrified of talking to new people since I was always the butt of everyones joke being the only red head in our grade. I never thought someone would look at me and think I'm beautiful. I still think I'm ugly. All because of those kids that I spent so much time with(same kids from k-12..it was a smallll city). To this day I'm still afraid to talk to people. So much so that I almost didn't start dating FH. We work together and I guess he'd try talking to me but I'm so afraid of people I'd just quickly keep walking. So just know you aren't alone. But your fiance thinks you are amazing and you should too!

My heart goes out to you. Your fil make you insecure about the beautiful person you are. They are the ones with the insecurities because if people have to knock you down to build themselves up they have issues. . My grandmother taught me that someone nasty ways make them ugly. You can be the most sought after flawless beautiful person in the world. But if you have nasty disposition about your self you are ugly.!!!

Honestly, the true beauty that will shine through is the joy on your face when you say “I do.” Even the most “beautiful” people can suffer from crippling insecurity and feel “ugly.” Beauty and confidence is a mindset. Be proud of who you are and what you have faced in life. It sounds like you are handling the in-laws situation with as much grace as possible. Keep your head up and don’t let their unhappiness rob you of your joy.

Good Morning OP! I have to be honest stay as far away from FH's family as possible. They sound like terrible awful people & bring no good to you! Keep those around you that bring out the best in you! Focus on yourself and FH and all the amazing times you have coming up. Beauty is skin deep, believe me I know plenty of "beautiful" people who are so ugly on the inside that, it negates everything god gave them. ((hugs, hugs, hugs)).

Don’t listen to anything his family or anyone says. Anybody who talks about badly based on somebody’s appearance rather then sees the good in them and sees how happy they make their family member is truly the ugly person. Beauty truly does come from within you. Looks don’t mean everything and quite possibly mean nothing. Someone can be the best looking person on this planet, but the second they start making comments about someone else’s appearance they quickly turn into an ugly person. It’s what on the inside that really matters.

Also never forget your self worth.