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Dedicated June 2021

When to decide to finally cancel?

, on August 7, 2020 at 6:43 AM Posted in New York Planning 0 11
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Hey everyone,

So yesterday was an emotionally hard day for me. I finally let the sucky situation that many of us brides and couples have been experiencing this year sink in, and I had a full on meltdown ALL DAY. Today I feel more angry than sad. But the tears still fall.

My fiance and I have decided to fully stop planning at this point. Our venue was booked in February as was our photographer and DJ, Caterer, and baker. But with the orders in NY it seems impossible to still plan. I know I don't want a wedding where standing, dancing and mingling is not allowed. Not even our first couple dance or father daughter dance. And with Phase 4 still keeping indoor dining out I'm not sure how I can have a reception. My venue is being very short with me and tells me to wait and see, but there is such agony in that. I know the guidelines where I am will not change without a vaccine and I understand why. We went through hell March, April and May. On top of everything, my wedding being right behind flu season so it feels pretty hopeless. I honestly, like many of you feel robbed of what should be a beautiful experience where our biggest stressors should have been over DIY-ing or floral arrangements etc. But not a global pandemic among many other things.

So I am deeply considering canceling as I know any hope of a later 2021 date is long gone by now. And my fiance and I wanted to start a family next fall. I don't want these plans to be pushed back so I can chase a date of a hopefully better future.

I just need advice on when to cancel if that is what we decide when we reevaluate things in a month. My next deposit is not due until March, but every 2 months the price for canceling increases as per my contract. It just feels like an impossible situation. Is there a right time to cancel? Is now to early to know about June? I feel stuck between planning just in case a miracle happens and at the same time not getting too attached to the idea because the come down is hard. I have dress shopping next month and I don't know how I am supposed to feel about it when all of our plans can go out the window. Should I even still shop at this point?

My contract has a minimum of 60 guests the only way a minimony would be allowed and we won't be charged for the 60 is if mandates are still restrictive. I don't want to lose money but I also don't want to lose hope, but hope keeps me wishful and the fall from that is pretty brutal.

I hate that we're in this situation. I hate that we are all hurting. I hate that the world is hurting.

I'm just so damn sad.


Latest activity by Liz, on August 30, 2020 at 7:05 PM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    With your wedding being in June of next year, I personally would continue to plan. I think things will be at least a little more under control by the time next summer will be here. Covid will definitely still be around but I honestly don't think it will be as bad. And didn't Cuomo shut down indoor dining until June of next year? New York seems to be one of the states who have been getting better with numbers. My wedding is scheduled for March of next year and I am still planning as if things will be "normal". I may be a little optimistic, but I would HATE to stop planning just to be able to continue with my wedding. I would hold off in making a decision. You still have almost a year to go

    • Reply
  • L
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the previous comment - I think it's a little early to make a decision. You could sit down with your fiance and come up with a date that you plan to make a decision by, and continue planning for now, though don't put the date on anything. For a June 2021 wedding, I would suggest re-evaluating things things in January, and maybe make a decision by March or April 2021 on whether to postpone or not. It is not a fair situation, and it is not your fault. Keep an eye on where things with COVID are, though also continue to plan for your wedding. So many things with COVID change so quickly, so it's impossible to know where things will be in a year. I wouldn't give up hope just yet.
    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted October 2021
    Adrienne ·
    • Flag

    I know how you're feeling, our state just this week went more restrictive with indoor capacity, so I feel as though we made the right call to postpone ours. But for a June 2021 wedding, I think it is a little too early to decide. Things could get better in the new year as vaccines come out. We made our decision about 3.5 months before our wedding, so right around the time we would have ordered invitations. Continue to monitor over the next few months, and really think about if postponing or cancelling is necessary as we get into 2021.

    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Rockstar October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag
    I’m sorry to sound harsh, but are you seriously worried about a wedding scheduled for June of 2021?
    STOP, stop right now! There is zero reason to worry about your wedding in the summer of next year.
    Yes, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, yes, things will not be the normal we’re used to, but you have no reason to stop planning a wedding because of unknowns. Enjoy this time, plan the wedding if you’re dreams. Vaccines will be available as soon as the new year comes, venues and states will have a better idea on how to handle this pandemic, but you having a meltdown for next June is outright crazy. Many of the brides here are struggling to hold onto to their dates coming in the next 60-days. Stop worrying about the unknown, doing so will ruin what should be a happy time for you.
    • Reply
  • Camisha
    Savvy June 2021
    Camisha ·
    • Flag
    We just got engaged, are in the process of booking our venue for 05 June 2021, and are moving forward full steam ahead without worry. I think that’s because we worked out with the venue that we can postpone or cancel at no cost if we must due to restrictions on large celebrations and are ok with running off to Vegas to get married if things don’t get better next summer. I agree with the others in that now is too early to decide that June 2021 is a wash. Is your venue not willing to lift or renegotiate some of the contract terms based on restrictions that may be in place, or are they at least willing to allow you to transfer your wedding to another date at their location at no cost? At least if that’s the case, you can feel comfortable about knowing that if not in June, you can still celebrate like you want and can still hold it at their venue later in the year without losing too much money or any money at all. I’ve seen some brides on here are getting married in a civil ceremony now or planning so soon, and then having a renewal of their vows and a big celebration with everyone later. Maybe that’s an option if you don’t want to postpone the wedding ceremony itself. Good luck and hope you feel better and less stressed soon!
    • Reply
  • Renee
    Super June 2020
    Renee ·
    • Flag
    You are allowed to be worried about a June wedding and your feelings are completely normal. I am nobody to you and validate all that you are experiencing. I would suggest that you continue with your plans. If the New year comes around and we are still talking about increasing cases then you have every right to have a full blown freak out again. Then you can start talking about postponing and making major decisions because 6 months will fly by like 3 weeks and you’ll want to dot all of your i’s and cross your t’s. But in the mean time, have as much fun, love on each other and try to relax. Good luck to you.
    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated October 2021
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    We just postponed our Feb 2021 date and I felt exactly like you before we made the decision! I agree with many PP that June is a long way out and that you may be ok; however, what you need now is a plan.
    My fiancé and I spent several hours one night defining exactly what was necessary for us to go forward with the big/regular wedding (invite 75+ people, dancing allowed, no masks for wedding party during ceremony). Then we defined what a smaller backup option would look like (Smiley heart5 invites, intimate, nicer food, smaller location at my venue). We don’t want an inbetween where we invite a lot and many decline due to safety concerns. For you, this would also include how much $ is worth risking to ensure you are married and can start TTC in the fall.
    We agreed that we will get married on our new date, regardless. This allowed us to set dates for when we would make a decision to switch to the backup plan (Jan to our deposits on other vendors, April for sending STDs to the list, etc). While the pandemic has added a lot of stress and uncertainty to this process, this helped us to look at this from a project management perspective and regain control of the outcome. Hope this helps!
    • Reply
  • Neeva
    Rockstar September 2020
    Neeva ·
    • Flag

    I think there is value in being optimistic but I personally do not see weddings that are "normal" happening for a long time. Even if there is a vaccine none of us know how effective it will be or if covid will mutate (similar to the seasonal flu).

    I think you have to decide what you can tolerate. If you have to have a 60+ wedding and think you can get all of your close family/friends there then go for it. If you have a lot of out of town guests, elderly/sick guests- consider having a smaller outdoor wedding or eloping.

    My main regret with this whole business is not postponing far out enough or just cancelling before I put down so much money. I am now stuck due to financial restraints mostly but also emotionally don't want to keep re-planning my wedding. If I could do it again, I would have cancelled earlier, cut my losses and had a smaller outdoor ceremony with just family/bridal party.

    • Reply
  • V
    Dedicated October 2020
    • Flag

    I have been where you are! And your feelings are 100% valid. This is such an uncertain time and who knew we'd be the lucky ones to plan our weddings through it *sarcasm*!

    We made the final decision to postpone our Oct 2020 wedding about 2 weeks ago. So, what, almost 3 months before. I'm sending out change the dates this week!

    It was such a difficult decision because I had planned the ENTIRE thing. And then I had to, basically, replan the ENTIRE thing. BUT- we are still getting married on our original date with 8 people in attendance. Our new date will be a vow renewal and celebration! Best of both worlds!

    I know it's hard right now- but try to stay positive and keep planning! If COVID is still around, you will find a way to make it work that still makes your heart happy. At the end of the day- you're marrying YOUR PERSON and that's what matters. Good luck- sending positive vibes your way Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Andriana
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Andriana ·
    • Flag

    I hear you. My wedding is July 2021 and like so many other brides, I have concerns about what my wedding will look like. Like you, we are planning to not move forward with the wedding if the current restrictions on weddings are still in place next year. I went through a period where I stopped planning as well. Let me say, you are definitely NOT crazy! Your feelings are totally normal. However, I do think, it is a little too soon to decide that your June 2021 wedding will not happen. I am back to planning things and my next big expense for our wedding isn't due until January. I am hopeful that over the next few months, we will have a somewhat better idea of what next year will be like for weddings.

    • Reply
  • Liz
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag

    You are definitely NOT crazy to be worried and it is totally normal and 100% valid during these very uncertain times. My postponed date is July and I am not sure it will happen as we also are likely to postpone/cancel it again if the situation hasn't changed. I've struggled a lot with this too and also really wanted to start trying for a baby like yesterday if we had had our August wedding on the original date this year. It is impossible to know right now though what next summer will look like, unfortunately, so if you have the ability to wait it out until the beginning of the new year, it might be worth it and making a call when we know more in the new year (or whatever date feels comfortable to you as a date to reassess), as anxiety provoking as it might be to sit with the unknowns for the next few months. I'm sorry you are going through this too.

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