So yesterday was an emotionally hard day for me. I finally let the sucky situation that many of us brides and couples have been experiencing this year sink in, and I had a full on meltdown ALL DAY. Today I feel more angry than sad. But the tears still fall.
My fiance and I have decided to fully stop planning at this point. Our venue was booked in February as was our photographer and DJ, Caterer, and baker. But with the orders in NY it seems impossible to still plan. I know I don't want a wedding where standing, dancing and mingling is not allowed. Not even our first couple dance or father daughter dance. And with Phase 4 still keeping indoor dining out I'm not sure how I can have a reception. My venue is being very short with me and tells me to wait and see, but there is such agony in that. I know the guidelines where I am will not change without a vaccine and I understand why. We went through hell March, April and May. On top of everything, my wedding being right behind flu season so it feels pretty hopeless. I honestly, like many of you feel robbed of what should be a beautiful experience where our biggest stressors should have been over DIY-ing or floral arrangements etc. But not a global pandemic among many other things.
So I am deeply considering canceling as I know any hope of a later 2021 date is long gone by now. And my fiance and I wanted to start a family next fall. I don't want these plans to be pushed back so I can chase a date of a hopefully better future.
I just need advice on when to cancel if that is what we decide when we reevaluate things in a month. My next deposit is not due until March, but every 2 months the price for canceling increases as per my contract. It just feels like an impossible situation. Is there a right time to cancel? Is now to early to know about June? I feel stuck between planning just in case a miracle happens and at the same time not getting too attached to the idea because the come down is hard. I have dress shopping next month and I don't know how I am supposed to feel about it when all of our plans can go out the window. Should I even still shop at this point?
My contract has a minimum of 60 guests the only way a minimony would be allowed and we won't be charged for the 60 is if mandates are still restrictive. I don't want to lose money but I also don't want to lose hope, but hope keeps me wishful and the fall from that is pretty brutal.
I hate that we're in this situation. I hate that we are all hurting. I hate that the world is hurting.
I'm just so damn sad.