When to Begin Uninviting Guests (covid)

I know it’s additional cost, but maybe send out a note to those people that may get uninvited to let them know that you’re monitoring covid regulations and may have to downsize.
As a guest, I’d appreciate an update and not being left in the dark. This way you don’t quite have to uninvite people yet.
At the end of the day, it’s not in your control and I’m sure your guests will understand.

All our guests were coming from out of town. 1/4 from a different country and the rest from the East Coast, and our wedding was on the West Coast. We made the decision to downsize and announced it in September, for our December wedding. We got lucky, our family in the other country actually had their flight cancelled by the company so they didn’t need to deal with cancellation fees etc. They also expected the wedding to be cancelled or downsized anyways as the borders were closed and they couldn’t have come.
Our other stateside guests had not booked flights or hotels yet. Most people are pretty understanding that things change so rapidly and didn’t want to figure out their trips until the last minute.
I would guess your guests are the same, although you could ask around and see if some have already made travel plans. You could definitely send a little note that the situation isn’t improving as you hoped so you’re currently keeping an eye on things before making a decision, so people do wait a bit more for their travel plans. For the ones you do actually get to invite, if you tell them in March they would have enough time to book a hotel with 3 months to go so I think the best bet is to just wait until March

I would wait until you send out invitations before you send out notices to those who you have to uninvite. That way, you have time to see where restrictions are closer to your date (just in case some restrictions are loosened and you can invite more than you thought you'd be able to), and you're still giving plenty of notice to those who you have to uninvite. I also like Annika's suggestion of sending something out now to your guests to notify them of the situation and that you're watching the restrictions and may need to downsize, and that you'll keep everyone in the loop.

So, we had sent our save the dates in February 2020 for an October 2020 wedding. We then sent Change of Plans cards (to those we could no longer invite) in July, followed shortly thereafter by invites.

I'm not sure how many of our guests had actually booked rooms at that point, though. Because of everything going on, I think most people were waiting (but we felt ok about it because our block was with Hilton and they have been wonderful throughout this whole thing).

If I were invited to a June wedding at the moment, I'd personally be holding off on booking anything until closer to the date, or I'd just make sure there's a flexible cancellation policy.

I'm also getting married on June 12th and in this situation! We're a bit more fortunate and only have to reduce our count from 120 to 70.

I've already put a note on our wedding site saying we have to reduce our guest list, hoping that would prevent people from booking hotels. I'm planning on sending change of plans cards to the uninvited people in February and including a zoom link for them to join virtually if they would like. And then my actual invitations will be sent in March. My reasoning for not sending them at the same time or holding off is I don't want one friend to reach out to another saying "hey, did you get the invitation?", only for them to get a change of plans card in the mail a few days/weeks later. I'd rather those people know upfront. If restrictions are lifted in March/April, I'd reach out to those people via phone and let them know of the situation and see if they would still like to come.

Instead of "uninviting" would you be able to do a livestream of the ceremony? We decided to only send save the dates to our top 25 guests in the fall for our May wedding because that's been the limit in CT where we are. But we still want to include our full guest list of about 150 people in some way. So we are having a vendor come in and livestream the ceremony (not reception). When I go to order invitations, I'm going to order 2 different invitations. One for the livestream and one for in-person guests. And whatever the gathering size is at that time is how many in-person invites I'll send out. And everyone else will get a livestream invite. We are planning on having a big anniversary BBQ party in the future when restrictions lift to include everyone invited to the livestream to celebrate, and we'll say that on those invitations.

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Hi Brigitte-

I am also getting married in CT (7/31/21). We postponed from last August. May I ask where you are getting married and are you having a reception? Are they indoors or outdoors? I am struggling with what to do since it seems like nothing will be better in CT and my FH and I do not want a masked wedding. We want dancing and hugs, etc.

I am so frustrated because we can’t even do a DW at this point, with all the restrictions for flying. What was exciting last year when I got engaged has become a stressful, unenthusiastic trial of patience.

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Hi Tonya! Congratulations! You're getting married on my birthday so that makes me super happy! We are having our reception at the Simsbury Inn in Simsbury, which is a fully indoor ballroom. So our guest number right now has been reduced to 25. And the venue already reached out and said they will work with us on our date with whatever the restrictions are. I totally get where you're coming from with not wanting to wear masks. However, I have been to 3 different weddings in CT since September and honestly they all were still pretty awesome and normal. Yes, masks were worn at the churches (only guests are required to, bridal party did not wear masks at all) and at 2 of the 3 receptions masks were more of a "suggestion" than a rule. Those were both held in that window back in September and October when we went into Phase 3 when 100 guests were allowed. People wore masks if they chose and the bride and groom were dancing and hugging people all night. So, anyways, as far as masks go, based on my experiences at pandemic weddings, I'm not too concerned about the masks ruining pictures or the overall feeling of the day. Especially with more people getting vaccinated, people will start feeling a little safer. And for dancing, there was dancing at all 3 weddings!

I've been reading these forums since the restrictions started and my FH and I already decided that we're sticking with our date no matter what. The only thing that's frustrating at the moment is the gathering limits. I'm hopeful that they will go up, but I've made peace with it just being the bridal party and parents. I know it's a lot more stressful than it should be, but I'm so excited for all the things I do have control over like my dress, flowers, centerpieces, and music.

If you don't want to see any of your guests in masks on your day, you might want to postpone. I tend to be overly optimistic at times, but IMO I think by your date a majority of the population will be vaccinated so the mask mandate may be lifted but some people may still choose to wear one. Either way, I think it's all about having the right mindset about the day.

I'm getting married outside in California in April (4.24.2021). Due to our state's stay at home order that just lifted today we haven't been able to send anything out yet. Heck, we haven't even had our engagement shoot yet! Our plan is to send a Save the Date out to everyone we'd like to have there given ideal circumstances. I'm not sure if we'll be able to live-stream it, but we'd definitely like that to be an option. If it is, we'll take a look at what our restrictions are just before sending out invitations and figure out exactly what to do. If our ideal number of guests is allowed, we'll just send out one set of invitations with response options of "yes", "no", and "yes, but virtually". Phrased better, of course. If we can't have that many, then we'll send the yes/no/virtual invitations to the allowed number and virtual only invitations to the rest. Basically, the plan is to not have to uninvite people, but rather change the nature of the invitation if necessary. If live-streaming isn't an option then we'll have to deal with that when we get there.

Everyone generally knows things are changing by the minute, so I expect most people will be completely understanding of changes like that. One thing I have to keep reminding myself of is that the people who really matter and will actually be there because they love and support FH and I won't get their knickers in a twist if they aren't able to be there in person because COVID. People who do get mad would be there for the wrong reasons and therefore don't matter. I hope this makes sense and helps, though please take it with a grain of salt as I'm really quite terrible at phrasing things well in writing. The struggles of being a verbal processor...

I agree with Lisa. I also live in Massachusetts, and I would wait/hold off on uninviting people. A vaccine is here. I can't see restrictions staying this tight, numbers are going down, Baker is already starting to lift them and it's only January. I would wait until April and then make the call. Best of luck!

I also live in Massachusetts and agree with you that there will be some sort of guest count limitation this summer as we have been one of the most conservative states throughout this entire pandemic and are struggling a bit on the vaccine rollout. We had our minimony in 2020 and are planning on celebrating with a "larger" group this coming fall. We are currently hoping that 100 people will be allowed this fall, but do not anticipate any more than that, especially if the event is indoors. Last summer, we pulled the trigger on uninviting people at the 90 day mark, but made our decision about two weeks before that because it took us about a week or so to figure things out and write up a Change of Plan email to those no longer invited to our minimony. If you have a fair amount of people flying in for your wedding, I would personally give a minimum of 90 days notice as airlines' cancellation policies are not as flexible or lenient as they were a few months ago. If everyone is local though, then I may wait until the 60 day mark.

View Quoted Comment I agree! There actually really cheap postcards and business card size cards on Vistaprint that would be perfect for something like this. You can get a couple hundred for under $50.

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Hi Brigitte-

I was wondering about those weddings you already attended in CT. Did the invitations include any Covid related information, such as if masks were required, etc. ? I am trying to decide how to go about giving some information and wanted to know if you had any input based on what you saw already.

Thanks-

Tonya

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Hi Tonya - I just checked, and there was no covid related information on the paper invitations. But all included a wedding website which is where they put all of their covid updates/guidelines. I think this is because it changes so often and sending more physical cards is expensive, it's probably easiest to update guests that way. I know one of the weddings was originally supposed to be up in VT (changed after the invites were sent) and the bride texted us to let us know of the change and to go to the website for more info. She also had to reach out to make sure we would still be attending because we had already sent out our RSVP.

I would just make it very clear somewhere on your invitation for guests to check your website for any updates. Hope that helps!

I'm on board with two above poster suggestions:

The obvious one is to try to livestream the ceremony if you can. This way, no one gets "uninvited" technically. This route is starting to become very mainstream (I honestly kind of wonder if we will see this extend past the pandemic - for OOT guests who really cannot make the wedding for whatever reason, offering the ceremony on livestream. I kind of like that idea, really.)

The second would be a simple note, email, etc. that you are monitoring restrictions closely and will keep guests informed as the situation progresses.