When someone says "we will try to be there", does this really mean they will not actually attend?

No one said that to me. I do know when I say " i will try" it usually means i will not.

Hmmm...wouldn't include them in the seating chart...

I don't think it necessary mean they won't attend.

When my sister was engaged, she decided to have her wedding during the school year. Since it was two years away I didn't know how my schedule would look like. So I told my sister that "I will definitely try to make it". I had every intention of going. I said that because I didn't want to disappoint her if I couldn't. I felt if I said I will definitely be there then it will lead to a bigger disappointment if I couldn't make it.

hmmm...I don't know when your wedding is. If it is not until next year, a lot could change so people may just want to keep their options open. At least they said they will "try". I grew up with one of my cousin (who I considered to be close) and she flat out said she could not make it. Originally I was planning to have my wedding in June 2014 and she wanted to go somewhere abroad to work. I want to point out she had nothing planned, set in stone, got accepted to any program etc. It was so hurtful that she wasn't even going to "try" to make it. I guess we weren't as close as I thought we were or she simply was that selfish. I hope this story put it into perspective.

I didn't hear that from anyone. We sent invitations and people either accepted or declined - that is how you know your head count. Not through verbal comments more than a year before your celebration. They don't know at this point if they can attend. It's a long time away for them. A lot can change in a year. You won't know your actual head count until RSVPs are in.

Well this was the thing:

We got SO MANY "we will tries" "we might be able to stop by" "we might just have to send a card" etc. this was a major factor in us moving the wedding to next year (instead of later in 2014). FH was really upset with the notion that everyone already had plans laid out for 2014 (which I told him might happen) and seemed like they would not come. I just think my FH will be disappointed because I do not think a lot of these friends and acquaintances will end up coming. The wedding will take place out of town anyway so I just hope we do not end up with half the people we invite not showing up.

Do people really just "stop by" a wedding?

Honestly, I tend to react with a "we'll see" response when I feel put on the spot to commit to something I really don't want to commit to. It seems a little unusual that this is all coming from FH's potential guest list. Is there any reason that people would respond this way (for example, did he decline their events in the past)? I'd just go ahead and plan your wedding. Send out the invites and let the RSVPs fall where they may.

Yes, one of the major reasons we moved our wedding was because of previous engagements with both sides of our families where people said they ALREADY had plans for that SPECIFIC weekend (I was floored, but apparently they all plan their vacations a year ahead).

This conversation all went down at the end of December after Christmas at my FIL's annual holiday party. About 40 people were in attendance - the same people who would be invited to the wedding - and they all acted like they had plans and an excuse as to why they would not be able to attend a wedding in October of 2014. I had it in my mind that this meant they would NOT COME no matter when we had the wedding, but it REALLY upset my FH to the point where he was saying "we need to move the wedding so they can come". My FH rarely says anything about the wedding and planning so when he said we need to move the wedding so people will know further in advance so they can plan to come, I agreed. I just think FH is going to be in for a rude awakening when a lot of these people still do not show even though we bumped the wedding.

I would take that as a "no" If they do show up, I would ask the venue to "try" & accommodate them. But I would not prepay for their meals.

@Erin: For example: My family takes a vacation together every year - that is booked one year in advance. So, basically the whole month of August was out because of money and travel and planning. Unbeknownst to me, several of the men who we would be inviting on FH's side already planned and had paid for a hunting/fishing event down south the second week of October - again it was planned in October of 2013 which was two months before we got engaged. My aunt and uncle are visiting relatives in Scotland, you guessed it, the second weekend of October and that was planned in November of 2013. After we counted and added up all the people who would not be able to make it and all the "we will sees" it was apparent we would need to move the wedding up at least a year to give people adequate time to plan if they wanted to come. My thing is I still do not think the "we will sees" on FH's side will come regardless despite the fact we moved the wedding back a year.

@ Mrs. Valentine - she shouldn't take anything as a "no" right now. Her date is over a year away and she hasn't even sent out invitations. If they are still saying that two weeks from the wedding, after the reply date has passed, then agreed - they should be a "no".

I would not worry about it too much. You have over a year. Send out the STDs, send out the invitations and whoever has plans to come will come. If they are as close as FH thinks they are, then they will say "yes."

Guests are never a guarantee. You invite them, they decide if they want to / can attend. Your head count is determined approx 2 weeks before your wedding, not 1.5 years before. If you strongly believe now that these people won't attend, then you could consider adding more people to your guest list. But you have a TON of time to decide this. I would not count them out so soon.

Like the other ladies said, once you send people the invite you'll see whether or not they're able to attend. It could be since you asked them so far in advance and they didn't want to say "I'll def be there" if they weren't sure yet. Some people just don't like making plans so far in advance...

Worry about it once you send out the invitations... My grandma had a vacation planned and was suppose to return the morning of my wedding, but she changed her ticket to return 3 days before the wedding. My aunt had something planned the afternoon of my wedding and she is giving the tickets to someone else for them to attend the event. The people who truly want to be there, would be there regardless.

It seems like you have to take a lot of ppl schedules into consideration to choose a date. If you cont' doing that you'll never get married. Good luck!

I am being more realistic about this than my FH. He is very much caught up in trying to accommodate everyone to make sure everyone can attend. I think this stems from his sisters wedding, so he is guest list comparing, which I do not like at all. We booked our venue so we cannot change our date. He wants to do StD's so I agreed we would do that about one year away to give people plenty of time to decide if they want to come. I also think FH is worried about not having a "full wedding" like his sister had. I am fine if only 50 people show up.

Is the hunting/fishing trip an annual thing? Would a different month for your wedding make a difference in them attending?

DH & I attend a convention EVERY year, usually in July. I have brothers who go deer hunting every fall. Some people have family reunions the same week every year.

I basically asked my family and a few very very close friends when they had major commitments such as vacations/conferences. Blocked all those out on the calendar and chose the date. Told them. Then picked the venue. Done.