What’s asking too much?!?!?

You are not responsible for attire for the wedding party or the hotel rooms for your guests. If someone agrees to be in your wedding, they are also agreeing to pay for whatever you choose for them. All you need to do is discuss a budget as far as that. For your out of town guests, it is up to them to pay for their stay. Either they’ll be able to do it or they won’t. Unless you’re rolling in money (which not many of us here are), there’s no reason to pay for either of these things and no one would expect you to.

Thank you so much this helps very much!!!!! Also what’s the best way to discuss with them this rather than waiting for them to ask or just saying “I’m not paying for you” ect.

View Quoted Comment I honestly don’t know why they would ask. Traditionally it’s not the responsibility of the bride and groom to make travel arrangements. If anything, you can look into getting a block of rooms at a local hotel and then share that information. As far as the bridal party, they should also know that they will have to buy a dress or rent a tux (or whatever). I don’t see why you would need to say anything at all, and it would be extremely rude of them to ask. Of all the weddings I’ve been in and been to, I have never expected anyone to pay my way for anything.

View Quoted Comment We approached the financial aspect of the wedding with them by saying that we don’t want our happy day to cause a financial burden on their family. We told them to let us know at any point if something is unreasonable and we will find a way to compromise on it. They were all very thankful we at least acknowledged that they will be paying for things.

Are you in the US? There isn’t an expectation for the couple to pay for bridal party clothes or guest accommodations here, but I know in the UK it’s more the norm to pay for BP clothes (not sure about accommodations), so just making sure because it sounds like you’re surprised by not having an obligation to pay for those things. If you and your guests are from the US you don’t need to bring it up at all because no one is expecting for you to pay. Just check with budgets for the BP and choose something affordable for everyone, or just say “choose anything in this fabric and this color” and go for a mis-matched look (very popular now). For accommodations it’s nice to give people a list of hotels in the area or even do a hotel block where a hotel will hold rooms for a time period for your guests to book, but you still don’t pay anything for it. Most hotels don’t charge you a fee to put a block, some do so I would just avoid any that charge or require a minimum amount be booked or else you pay a fee for the difference etc. Even a hotel block is not necessary, just nice if it’s an option.

Thank you all this means so much to have this information. Growing up I always assumed the parents or bride and groom pay for everything, now seeing that this is not the case relieves so much stress about budgeting and what I’m not obligated to do!!!! I can’t thank you enough

It is important to ask your bridesmaids individually for an ideal dress budget. If someone says $100, it’s not fair to ask all the ladies to get a $300 dress (or you can offer to pay the difference). I’ve seen here Azazie has great dresses.

Also, if you require your BMs to get their hair & makeup done then you should pay for it. It may be nice to make it available to them and let them know much much but let them know it’s not required.

I don't think it's rude. Some people don't expect it anyway.

Hi...I don't know if you can move your wedding out a little (as far as the date) so that you can afford it? As far as paying for out of town guests, you don't have to.

I have been feeling so guilty about making our day too expensive for our guests and bridal party. We are doing a lot of work to find affordable options for dresses (online), suits (non-traditional and doing cardigans they can buy and keep), the hotel is within walking distance of the venue (no need to get an uber!) and hosting the dinner and the drinks we are setting a min. for open bar spend then it will go to cash. I also looked for the most affordable, but talented, hair and makeup artists in our town. Just look for other options and pinterest is so helpful! You do not have to pay for any guest accommodations or anything for the bridal party unless you choose to do so. Then after you consider all of that, then focus on you! It's your day and people can choose to come or not. It will be great! I promise!

You aren't responsible for their attire or hotel room. i've had this discussion with FH recently. when someone is asked to be in your wedding, it does come with some responsibility. part of that is paying for the dress/tux needed for the wedding.

They are responsible for the attire and the guest are responsible for their own hotel rooms. You may be able to get a discount for your guests if you block off so many rooms for your wedding at a particular hotel. Sometimes they also do free shuttle to your location. I hope this helps!

As far as my wedding goes I will probably end up paying for either gifts for them or the makeup/hair.

I would consult on budgets, and pick affordable attire for bridesmaids & groomsmen (under $100). For hotel, I'd let them pick wherever they want to stay in budget. But I don't think you have to pay for either of those things.