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Kayla
Just Said Yes May 2023

What would you do?

Kayla, on December 10, 2021 at 7:35 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 32
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So recently my fiance and I decided that for wedding attire for the wedding party everyone pays their own way. We told everyone today, who is in the wedding party, and one of my in laws (her girls were gonna be in it) threw a holy fit about it. We told everyone now for a couple reasons. First because it is a year away and it gives some time to save before we go shopping. We have the attire already selected and is not that expensive at all. 2) This way when we do pick a date to go to the store everyone has their money. I know of some couples who will pay for their party and everything. I normally would be okay with this, but my fiance also comes from a big family as well. We only have 4 people each plus flower girl and ring bearer. Everyone else seems okay with is as they have a heads up. What are ya'll planning to do or did do?

32 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on December 20, 2021 at 5:36 PM
  • Cece
    Master November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    We will be paying for our wedding party’s attire. The way I look at it is I am the one requesting they be in my wedding and wear attire that I choose, that they otherwise wouldn’t have purchased for themselves; so I should be the one that pays for it.
    I’ve known of other people who didn’t pay for their WP’s attire, so I know some people go that route. It just wasn’t something we felt comfortable doing.
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated April 2022
    Addie ·
    • Flag
    Everyone in our party is paying for their own dresses/ tuxes. we are paying for matching ties and pocket squares/ jewelry but they are paying for their clothes and shoes
    • Reply
  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
    • Flag

    It's been a while, maybe 10 years, since I've been in a wedding party, but for half dozen weddings I've been in the bridsmaids/groomsmen paid for their own attire, and the bride/groom paid for flower girls and ringbearers attire. Not sure if it's still done that way, so hopefully someone else can chime in.

    • Reply
  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
    • Flag

    Bridesmaids and groomsmen paid for their own dress and rental tux. All accessories were paid by us. We asked each person privately what their budget was, and stayed under the amount of the person who gave the lowest number.

    children (flower girls and ring bearers) we paid for 100%

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    In every wedding that I've been a bridesmaid in, the wedding party paid for their own attire. If it's in budget, it's a nice gesture to pay for your wedding party's attire, but if not, I think it's common for them to cover their own costs.
    • Reply
  • Ycela
    Savvy June 2022
    Ycela ·
    • Flag
    Every wedding I’ve planned and been in, I’ve rarely seen the bride and groom purchase the attire of the wedding party and attendants in it. That could literally be like 25% of your overall wedding budget. I think the expectation that you should is far fetched, if they cannot afford it perhaps you can offer to help or they can opt out politely and just be guests.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert September 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I will be paying for my maid of honors attire and then just the accessories for the other bridesmaids which are my sister and 2 soon to be sister in laws!
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Savvy January 2023
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    In a perfect world I would pay for my bridesmaids dresses. However I can not. I did however buy them accessories (pashmina wraps, and hair combs) to wear the day of.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted April 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Our wedding party is paying for their own dresses/suits and shoes, but I bought my bridesmaids’ accessories and plan to pay for their hair and makeup (if they choose to have it done professionally).
    • Reply
  • Jess
    Devoted January 2022
    Jess ·
    • Flag
    My bridesmaids paid for their dress . I am paying for hair, makeup, and jewelry
    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted October 2021
    A ·
    • Flag
    My bridesmaids paid for their dresses, they all already owned the shoes they wanted to wear, and I paid for accessories, and day-of hair and makeup. My husband coordinated with his groomsmen to figure out what color suits they already owned (they all had navy already) and we purchased their matching ties.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Beginner January 2023
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    I used to work in the wedding industry and it is standard to have the wedding party pay for their own attire. It is the big reason why you ASK people to be a part of your wedding party. Them agreeing is them signing up for reasonable costs and stress. It is also why you get them wedding favors/bridal party gifts as a thank you. I have noticed it is more common for the groom and bride to pay for attire when they have chosen the dresses and they are specific about accessories and they are more then $200 total attire cost, because they (bridesmaid/groomsman) have no choice in the matter.

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Rockstar October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    I only have my sister and one friend in our wedding party and my fiancé has two friends. I am paying for their hair and makeup and I paid for the jewelry I wanted them to wear. I then am asking they pay for their dresses and shoes. I am making sure dresses are under $100 so it’s affordable. Both girls are totally okay with this. My fiancé hasn’t talked about the suits for his groomsmen but I imagine he might ask them to pay. That I’m not sure about. I don’t think asking them to pay us unreasonable as long as you’re also offering something in return and you’re not asking them to pay an unreasonable amount for a dress
    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Rockstar October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    Also we both put together gifts to ask our wedding party and will be giving them all thank you gifts for coming and being a part of our day with us
    • Reply
  • Caroline
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Caroline ·
    • Flag
    I’ve been a bridesmaid in at least six weddings, all where the bride picked out the dress, and never had the bride and groom pay for it. They usually paid for jewelry or something, and in a few cases H&M. It seems unreasonable that your in-law threw a fit! For our wedding we’re having the party pay for their own tuxes and dresses too, although I did give them the ability to pick out their own dress as long as it matched a specific color/fabric scheme. We don’t have a flower girl, so I’m not sure if the standard there is different tbh.
    • Reply
  • Daleighn
    Beginner August 2022
    Daleighn ·
    • Flag

    We are planning for our party to pay for their own attire but we only have best man and maid of honor with their daughter, and they totally understand!! They also told us if anyone throw's a huge fit reconsider having them at your wedding, because they might throw a fit on your wedding day as well.

    • Reply
  • Charlotte
    Dedicated June 2022
    Charlotte ·
    • Flag

    I told my bridal party they would be paying for their own dresses/attire. Now, I allowed them to pick their dresses so they could find a style/look they liked that they felt comfortable paying for. But if you already have a chosen look, then... sorry your in law is throwing a fit, that has got to be frustrating.

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    It's pretty typical for members of the wedding party to pay for their own attire, at least the main components (dress, suit/tux). I do think its a bit overboard if you are expecting your wedding party members to pay for specific shoes and accessories though, and if you are requiring specific hair and makeup you should pay for those. But a bridesmaid paying for her dress is pretty standard.

    Wedding expectations vary significantly though, so I think it is really important for couples to communicate with their wedding party members expectations BEFORE anyone agrees to actually be in anything. Some brides want their maids in a $300 dress with matching shoes and jewelry, want their maids to pay for lodging at a destination venue, and want them to help plan and pay for a shower and bachelorette. Others simply ask their maids to wear any dress of their choosing in a specific color, fabric, and length, giving maids a ton of freedom with choice and budget, and then just show up a few hours before the wedding to get ready together. It can cost less than $50 to be a bridesmaid, or $1500+ easily, depending on the wedding.

    If at any point you led your wedding party members to think you would cover costs of attire and then changed your minds, that's on you. But if it was never discussed previously, I find it strange that your wedding party expects you to pay for everything.

    It might help if you explain to your in-law that them covering the cost of the children's wedding is their "gift" to you for the wedding and it would mean a lot.

    • Reply
  • Kyra
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Kyra ·
    • Flag

    As a bridesmaid, I've been asked to buy specific clothing to wear (stuff that I wouldn't have purchased on my own...) and now, as a bride, I am not asking that of our wedding party. Instead, my partner and I are sending our wedding party the general color scheme we are thinking and asking them to wear what they already own (ideally that is close, but also, it's not super important to us if it isn't). Unless they choose to buy new clothes on their own, it shouldn't cost them a thing to be part of our wedding, except for the travel and housing that they'd spend to come, just like anyone else. The most important thing to me is that I get to celebrate this wonderful day surrounded by the people who have been there for me my whole life!

    • Reply
  • Sloan
    Just Said Yes February 2022
    Sloan ·
    • Flag
    Giving you another perspective:


    I was a bridesmaid for my best friend and paid my own attire and accommodations. Not a big deal at all. Everyone’s budgets are different. Weddings are expensive. I was happy to alleviate any burden I’m whatever way necessary.
    • Reply

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