What would you do about this rsvp situation?

I would say "I'm sorry, I will need a final answer by x date. I completely understand if you can't make it, but we have to turn in our final headcount soon."

Honestly, I would tell the friend that you wouldn't feel comfortable putting them in the position of financial hardship when it sounds like they're already having a rough time. Just tell them that there's no hard feelings that they can't make the wedding and that you completely understand. Maybe you could send them a few pictures after the wedding saying that you missed them.

That’s a really early RSVP date. If you absolutely have to have an answer this soon then I would put her down as a no. She’s giving all sorts of excuses because she feels bad about declining. Caterers usually plan for extra just in case, and if she later says she can make it, you’ll most likely be able to change your count.

I think that you're close enough out that they should be able to give you a more firm answer. I would give them a date and ask if they can give you a firm yes or no by that date. You could even blame the venue and say that they need your best guess at a firm headcount by that date and they need you to be as accurate as possible. I feel like that kind of shifts the pressure a little bit. And as was said just make sure that you emphasize that you understand and you'll miss them, but maybe you can do something special (a special brunch or something) with them after.

Well, 2 months out for an RSVP is far too soon. But if it were me, I'd put her down as a yes and tell her that you'd love to have her/there will be a place for her if she can come, but you understand if it's not possible. To me, it's worth that $50. But if it's not, just tell her you need a firm answer.

I would tell them you need a yes or no, so you'll count them as a no. If they can't afford rent and employment is "iffy" I doubt that will turn around in a month.

Please note that almost all venues/caterers count on an extra 10% of your count and will charge based on the actual plates over your count. So if this is just one friend and you are having more than 30, I would not count them for the catering but count them in your seating chart, just in case. There should be enough food if they show but if not, then you aren't paying any additional.

It doesn't sound like she'll be able to make it, even though she wants to. I would reach out to her again and let her know you understand if she can't make it and there wont be any hard feelings if she says she can't come. She might feel bad about having to say no.

My final head count for everything is 31 days out. It's one of the very few things I don't like about my venue. My previous wedding I didn't have to give a final head count until 3 days before and I liked that better