M
Dedicated November 2019

What would you do about this rsvp situation?

Marla, on October 11, 2019 at 8:29 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
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How would you hand this situation? You invited a friend to your wedding sad they haven’t RSVPed yet and when you ask them they respond with asking if you’re okay with a tentative yes. They aren’t sure if they can afford to go because they can barely pay rent and their employment situation is iffy. They would also have to have one of our friends drive them, but there may not be enough room in their vehicle. I really need to give a final headcount and meal selections to our venue. Our wedding is 36 days away. I totally understand her situation, but I can’t have my fiancé pay 49 plus tax for a meal if she might not be able to attend. I feel bad.

17 Comments

Latest activity by Brandi, on October 13, 2019 at 10:42 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I would say "I'm sorry, I will need a final answer by x date. I completely understand if you can't make it, but we have to turn in our final headcount soon."

    • Reply
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, I would tell the friend that you wouldn't feel comfortable putting them in the position of financial hardship when it sounds like they're already having a rough time. Just tell them that there's no hard feelings that they can't make the wedding and that you completely understand. Maybe you could send them a few pictures after the wedding saying that you missed them.

    • Reply
  • Da Mom
    August 2022
    Da Mom ·
    • Flag

    That’s a really early RSVP date. If you absolutely have to have an answer this soon then I would put her down as a no. She’s giving all sorts of excuses because she feels bad about declining. Caterers usually plan for extra just in case, and if she later says she can make it, you’ll most likely be able to change your count.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2019
    Marla ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    My wedding is November 16, 2019. It’s next month. Our RSVP deadline was September 16. The venue has been asking me for the meal selections.
    • Reply
  • Emma
    Devoted March 2021
    Emma ·
    • Flag

    I think that you're close enough out that they should be able to give you a more firm answer. I would give them a date and ask if they can give you a firm yes or no by that date. You could even blame the venue and say that they need your best guess at a firm headcount by that date and they need you to be as accurate as possible. I feel like that kind of shifts the pressure a little bit. And as was said just make sure that you emphasize that you understand and you'll miss them, but maybe you can do something special (a special brunch or something) with them after.

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  • M
    Dedicated November 2019
    Marla ·
    • Flag
    I love all of these ideas. Thank you, everyone. ❤️
    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Super April 2021
    Alisha ·
    • Flag
    You can let her know in a kind way that you need her answer right because you need to a final count to your venue right now. You can let her know that you understand her situation and you can make plans to celebrate your wedding with her after the wedding.
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2019
    Marla ·
    • Flag
    Thank you, everyone. I told her that I totally understand and that she needs to get her primary needs met first. That we can meet up sometime when she is able and I sent her my love.
    • Reply
  • Bridget
    Devoted October 2019
    Bridget ·
    • Flag
    Could you contact your caterer and ask if there is room for one person to make a game day decision? My cousin’s child is on hospice, they really want to come and said they are but I think if he passes within days of the wedding obviously they’re not going to want to come and if he is still with us, I don’t think they’d want to leave him for that long on one of his final days. My caterer said absolutely we’ll give them seats and if they come we can pay that day.
    I know Im in an extreme situation but maybe they’ll be ok with a game day call.

    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    Well, 2 months out for an RSVP is far too soon. But if it were me, I'd put her down as a yes and tell her that you'd love to have her/there will be a place for her if she can come, but you understand if it's not possible. To me, it's worth that $50. But if it's not, just tell her you need a firm answer.

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I would tell them you need a yes or no, so you'll count them as a no. If they can't afford rent and employment is "iffy" I doubt that will turn around in a month.

    • Reply
  • Jayne
    Dedicated June 2022
    Jayne ·
    • Flag

    Please note that almost all venues/caterers count on an extra 10% of your count and will charge based on the actual plates over your count. So if this is just one friend and you are having more than 30, I would not count them for the catering but count them in your seating chart, just in case. There should be enough food if they show but if not, then you aren't paying any additional.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2019
    Marla ·
    • Flag
    Thank you, everyone. Our wedding is small, only 26 people.
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2019
    Marla ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    My wedding is on November 16, it’s next month. We are 36 days away.
    • Reply
  • Renee
    Super October 2020
    Renee ·
    • Flag

    It doesn't sound like she'll be able to make it, even though she wants to. I would reach out to her again and let her know you understand if she can't make it and there wont be any hard feelings if she says she can't come. She might feel bad about having to say no.

    My final head count for everything is 31 days out. It's one of the very few things I don't like about my venue. My previous wedding I didn't have to give a final head count until 3 days before and I liked that better

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2019
    Marla ·
    • Flag
    I told her that I understood, but now she’s saying that things might change and that she might still be able to attend. I worry about how she’s going to make it to the wedding also and how she’ll be able to pay for lodging (it’s an evening wedding). She doesn’t drive. I’ll have to talk with her again. I’m just not sure what to say. Our mutual friend probably won’t have room in her car, I’m guessing. I do feel really bad, but I am stressing over the planning and financials at this point.
    • Reply
  • Brandi
    Devoted July 2020
    Brandi ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, for your records, I would count her a no but still include her in the seating arrangements. Typically, 20% of our guest list decline and people that say they’re going to show up still won’t. So, this way, you give the venue a headcount based on those who confirmed. On the day of, it is highly possible that someone will drop out and she actually winds up showing. Therefore, you don’t necessarily lose money and still have a plate for her. I hope it all works out.
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