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Savvy August 2021

What to Say

Everly, on October 4, 2020 at 9:16 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 16
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My fiancé's sister is going to be a groomswoman in our wedding. She already selected her dress from Azazie, but now her wife wants to wear one of the sample dresses that his sister tried on. This wouldn't be such a problem, but she wants to wear it in the same exact color as his sister and bridesmaids because she wants to match his sister. My fiancé and I don't like this idea because we don't want her to look like a bridesmaid or groomswoman since she isn't part of the bridal party. Normally, I know I shouldn't be telling a guest how to dress, but in this case I feel like I should be able to tell her we don't want her in the exact same color. Any advice?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Hope, on October 4, 2020 at 3:16 PM
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    No and it won't matter because she won't be standing with either of you. Plus if you think about it another guess could wear that color. You can say something but it may cause drama.
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  • E
    Savvy August 2021
    Everly ·
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    His sister specifically asked if it would be okay with us.

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  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
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    OMG hahaha that’s crazy. I’d be a little annoyed at that. I can’t believe that someone so close to the bridal party would even consider picking the exact same colour as the bridal party. I would not be thrilled, and would either speak with the grooms women or have your fiancé speak to her. Maybe she can suggest a colour to her wife that she likes more, and can persuade her to change her colour choice? I suppose when it all comes down to it our guests can wear any colour they would like. It’s just hard to think someone would literally knowingly pick your wedding party colours, and match the bridesmaids dress colour exactly.....

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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Wow, that’s a difficult one. I’m not sure how you could tactfully say “you can’t wear that”, other than just being honest. I find it strange she WANTS to wear a bridesmaids dress in the exact same color as your bridal party (guests typically ask the colors of the wedding so they can avoid wearing the same color & being mistaken for the wedding party), or that she wants to match her spouse (reminds me of 3rd grade girls). I think the only thing you could do is suggest she wear the dress she likes in another color. Maybe FH could talk to his sister about the concerns & she could relay it to her wife.
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  • E
    Savvy August 2021
    Everly ·
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    Unfortunately, her wife is the type of person that likes to make everything about her. I think she truly thought we'd ask her to be in the wedding. Why I have no clue because my fiancé's family barely tolerates her.

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  • E
    Savvy August 2021
    Everly ·
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    His sister specifically asked how we feel about it. I think she wants to wear the same color because she thought she'd be in the wedding and this is her way of trying look like she is.

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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    If his sister directly asked if it was ok I would just be honest with her & say that you prefer she choose another color
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Ohhhhh. Wow. That’s a bit nuts lol I would def tell the sister that you would prefer she choose another color. What an awkward position to put you in!
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  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
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    You may just have to accept whatever she wears then. If you would be unable to have a logical grown up conversation with them about it, then it needs to be dropped. Some people respond well, and others don’t lol know your crowd right? Haha I still would be super annoyed, I think mostly because azazie dress in the same colour And material will match perfectly. On the day, NO ONE will care that she matches, if anything some may notice she chose the same colour and wonder why she did lol

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Ahhh okay well in that case I think it is ok to nicely say that you would prefer she wear a different color as you would like the wedding party to stand out from the guests in attendance. Not rude or hurtful but just how you both feel.

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  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
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    What did you say when she asked? 😊

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  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri ·
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    I agree with Chrysta. If his sister asked, she understands that there's a chance you're not comfortable with it. I'd be honest and just explain that you'd prefer that dress/color to be reserved for the wedding party.

    If she shows up in it anyway, I wouldn't fret over it though.

    One of our groomsmen asked our wedding colors because his wife wanted to match. I thought it was kind of sweet and let it go. My bridesmaids are all wearing different dresses from different companies in navy, so there's a chance that his wife may look like she's part of the party - but she's not going to be in the official wedding party portraits, and she'll match her husband's tie. Smiley smile

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I agree it's odd. As others have suggested, I'd let SIL know you'd prefer that her wife chooses another color, and then let it go. FWIW one of daughter's BMs ordered a matching tie from Azazie for her husband, who was not in the wedding. It was the same tie the G and all the GM wore and the husband wore a similar dark gray suit to the men in the wedding.... We thought it was odd, but the only photos he was in were those that included extended family. The good news is he didn't clash with anyone else in the photo??? Smiley winking But, we thought it was weird and kind of like HS prom that she wanted them to "match," but that was on them. People are funny!

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  • Super August 2020
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    You shouldn't tell your guests what to wear, but you can give immediate family members a limited list of things not to wear. I always ask what color the bridesmaids are wearing specifically so I don't look like a wannabe bridesmaid. Tell the sister that you'd really prefer that her wife did not wear an almost-bridesmaids dress in the same color. You can suggest other colors that you think would look good on her if you think that will help guide her in a different direction. If she ends up buying that dress anyway you'll just have to try and ignore her as much as possible, but, "don't match the bride, groom, or bridal party," is a very reasonable request.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I understand people saying that you shouldn’t tell your guest what to wear but if she asked I think it would be OK for you to say no that you want your wedding party to stand out more in this color. I actually asked female guess not to wear all pink dresses and I know that’s like an etiquette faux pas but I’ve been to weddings where I’ve gotten mistaken as a bridesmaid before and it’s not really something I enjoy and it’s not something I want it to happen in my wedding because I wanted my bridal party to stand out
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  • Hope
    Savvy April 2021
    Hope ·
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    Going beyond asking her to wear another color by giving some suggestions of complementary colors she could wear to look great in pictures with her wife could be a kind gesture. “I prefer you didn’t wear the exact same color, but what about x, x or x? These look great with our wedding colors/the bridesmaid dresses so you’ll look fab in the family photos.”
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