What to do with bonus grandma?

My mom called me the other day and said that bonus grandma had her over for lunch and told her that in no way does she want to be treated like a grandma at the wedding. She feels like if she sits in the front row, has a corsage, sits at the family table during reception, ect. that it will be seen as her trying to replace my grandma.

I told her that we could have grandpa sit on the aisle seat in the second row, but even there she feels awkward since it's still a "family row". I'm not going to make her sit in the back row or back table and separate her from her husband. We also don't want to make grandpa go sit 6 rows back during the ceremony. My family and I have absolutely no problem and WANT her to sit with grandpa. I know she is not trying to take the place of my grandma. We have told her this about a million times. Anyone have any ideas on what I can do to make her comfortable?

I think you should contact . Maybe even a letter and let her know how you feel, as well as your family . Let her know how much it would mean to you to wear the corsage, sit with your grnadfather , etc.. Let her know you also have ways to inclued your grandmother in other ways.

She needs to be overruled!!! I think if you do anything BUT seat her with family/front row/next to her husband, it will look horrible and be perceived badly. I understand your bonus Grandma's feelings but she IS family now! She is the wife of your Grandpa. There is no other place for her to sit but next to him.

How absolutely wonderful that your Grandpa and bonus Grandma have each other!!!

Tell her to suck it up and sit with family because she is family! No but really, invite her to lunch or coffee or something (if you're close enough) or call her and tell her you would be honored to have her sitting with your grandpa because you all love her and wouldn't want it any other way.

Thanks guys! I will try to pull her aside at my bridal shower in April (she fought us on coming to that too!) and tell her that she's just going to have to sit next to grandpa. She does this for every single family function, my wedding is just the first "big one" since they got married.

I might meet her halfway and not make her wear a corsage.

She really seems like a great woman, I think have a nice heart to heart with her!

Would she maybe feel better if you somehow did a small tribute to your grandma? Nothing super powerful that will damper the day...but you could have your officiant say something about remembering those who can't be with us or you could have a photo displayed somewhere (in a locket around your bouquet).

But I agree....she gets overruled and sits with grandpa. I could see forgoing the corsage if she feels strongly about it...but maybe you can compromise and get her a hair piece or even a necklace/bracelet to honor her in her own way.

We will have a frame with pictures of deceased family members at the guestbook/programs table. We were going to "save seats" but FH would no joke have a whole row of "saved" seats. I am also recreating one of my grandma's wedding pictures with my mom. I believe my grandma will be there with me and she would hate if we made a big sad hooplah of her not being physically there.

Have a heart to heart! Tell her you feel her presence is honoring your grandma, and no one sees her as a replacement. Your ideas for honoring your grandma otherwise sound great! Tell bonus grandma that WW thinks she should be just as included lol

She's family now.

She's not "Extra" or bonus- she's now family. Not a replacement- just the new part of family.

She sounds wonderful! I agree with PPs...she's family now and she sits with family. You need to have a conversation with her about what she means to you and your family.