My wedding planning has become a true waking nightmare. Right now, FH and I have taken a complete break from planning because we are really struggling with the stress. Honestly the open letter to covid brides and some bad news today pushed me over the edge. I don't want a wedding anymore, at all, ever. I want to be married, but I can't be married without having a wedding. I know I'm not the first person to experience stresses and just not want to have a wedding at all, so I could use some perspective/advice/support.
FH and I are being told by half of our VIPs (my grandmother, godmother, MOH, one set of FH's grandparents) that having a big wedding would endanger my family, that they won't come, that it's reckless and selfish and stupid. I am being told by the other half (my dad, FH's parents and one set of grandparents) that if we have a minimony, we are losing our one chance to celebrate with family and friends (they said nobody will come to our wedding celebration), we will regret it for the rest of our lives, that we are taking something from them by having such a small wedding (we are both the first born and first to get married), and, from a few, that we are cowards for not having a "big" (75 person at least) event during the virus. I don't agree with many of the opinions from both sides, but these are the most important people in mine and FH's lives.
We are at our wits end. FH has completely shut down about it. We had a minimony planned, but the feedback from his family was so brutal that we scrapped it. He keeps trying to come up with a safe way to have a big event, and when we hit a road block, he becomes depressed again. I want to tell everyone to take a hike and have a minimony, but I can't help but feel that I am deeply disappointing my family and also violating cultural expectations. We want to be married, but we don't want our wedding to be a huge source of anger, resentment, and disappointment for our families. We are completely lost.
On top of it all, my mom told me today that my grandmother's health is failing and that she is unlikely to live another year. My grandmother is one of the most important people in the world, my long-time support system, my rock, one of my dearest friends. I want her to be there so badly. But I don't want to say anything to FH because I don't know if he can handle having another awful thing to calculate into our wedding situation.
I don't want to plan a wedding anymore. I am so deeply, deeply unhappy. Nothing about it makes me excited. It has made it hard for FH and I to even enjoy being engaged and being together. I can barely look forward to marriage because it feels like when we finally get there, we will have left all of this family damage in our wake. All I want is to never, ever, ever talk about the wedding ever again.
I don't know exactly what I'm asking. I think I just need some supportive words.
