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Devoted October 2021

What to do if behavior continues?!

Fany, on April 11, 2020 at 3:48 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 2

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Growing up, I was a daddy's girl and my dad was the best dad in the world. When I turned 20 (about a decade ago), my parents divorced and my dad has been very distant and secretive since then. He never invites me over gis place and when I do see hum, it's once every few months for an hour or two at a restaurant or he stops bt my fiance's apartment when I'm there during the holidays. There have been several times where we'll make plans to meet up and then he cancels last minute, even on my birthday. The most recent blow was last weekend, my grandaddy, my father's father) who lives in Mississippi passed away suddenly. My dad told me he would let me know his travel plans so that I may come along and ride with him the 12 hour journey. Then my dad leaves to drive down there without telling me and sats it's bc of my asthma (dangers with COVID) and that it was unsafe for me to stay at my grandaddy's 3bedroom house with him when over 15 people would be there. I was hurt bc he knows I make enough where I could have rented my own airbnb, etc. I thought of driving myself but my fiance, who I dont live with, was sick and he didn't want to come and put others' at risk.

My mom texted my dad saying she couldn't believe what he did and he replied back "bye b" to her.

So once again, I'm hurt by my dad. If you were in my position, would you still invite or involve your dad to your wedding?

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2 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on April 12, 2020 at 4:27 AM

Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on April 11, 2020 at 4:22 PM
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Ultimately, the question is whether you want to have any continuing relationship with him. If you want to continue to work on the relationship, then not inviting him to your wedding will be a barrier to that. If you have decided that it's time to cut off all contact, then don't invite him.
Most people find it hard to cut off contact with a parent, no matter how badly the parents has behaved. Only you can decide whether you're ready to take that step.
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Expert October 2021
Samantha · on April 12, 2020 at 4:27 AM
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Condolences on the passing of your Grandfather.

The two most stressful events in life are death and divorce. The stages of grief apply to both and unfortunately alter behavior and relationships. I understand how difficult it is. I've had a strained relationship for 20 years with my Father. If you are able to, have a heartfelt discussion with him. Divorce brings about many emotions such as, shame, anger, depression, denial, a wish to start anew etc... As for death, losing a parent is traumatic regardless of the relationship. There is know way of knowing how someone will react. He may genuinely be concerned about your health. And fearful of losing you too. He didn't go about it in the best way, but I would see that as grief taking over. Your Mother should not have contacted him (except to give her condolences). You are an adult now and after 10yrs of divorce he is no longer beholden to her. My Father actually asked if he was invited (despite me going out to dinner with him to tell him in person about our engagement), to give you a better picture. It hurt, reminded me of how distant we are. I'm prepared for him not to show, but I'll be happy if he does. I wish you all the best and hope that you are able to mend your relationship with your Father.
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