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Just Said Yes May 2020

What to do about family drama, i need advice.

Ashley, on July 1, 2019 at 11:52 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

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Hello,
Long discussion post but there has been a lot of drama surrounding my upcoming wedding with my family. I'm at the point I may not have a wedding and just go to the court house, even though I've been wanting this wedding for so long. It's just not worth crying over anymore. My parents are divorced and both sides of the family dont really get a long. It's more like a select few that really dont, and the biggest drama is surrounding my dads GF. I do not want to invite her too my wedding. I personally really dont like her and shes been rude to me in the past. My dad makes up excuses for her and says it's just her 'sense of humor' and shes had a hard life but hurting someone you dont know isn't funny to me. She causes big fights with my father all the time when they are out. When my brother graduated high school a couple years ago she came and was making fun of my mother (first time she saw my mom) then made fun of her more on FB after with some people and I saw it. This really upset my mother and angered me, my mom didnt do anything rude towards her. My mom told me the other day if she comes to my wedding and says something my mom will "beat her a**" or just not come to my wedding at all. I asked my dads sister and they said this will cause issues between my dad and I and he will be angry at me and it's not fair to him because he let's my fiance come to family events. And my aunts questioning why I'd let my moms 'guy's come if my dads GF cant. My mom is married again, and I really like my stepdad so I want to invite him. I just dont know what to do. I'm paying for everything myself so I dont have the issue of having to do what my parents want because they are paying. Ive tried talking to my fiance but he just says he doesn't know. I know I have to talk to my dad but was wondering if anyone had any advice before I do. I just feel defeated, this is supposed to be the happiest time for my fiance and I starting a life together.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Stephanie, on July 4, 2019 at 3:50 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 1, 2019 at 11:56 AM
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It honestly sounds like you can ask your dad's girlfriend to sit out. I mean I don't really care if others deem it as rude for it - because based off what you said she sounds like she would be annoying to have anyway and on your big day all you want is supportive people there.
Just say it politely and hopefully your dad gets it.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 1, 2019 at 11:59 AM
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You have a long while before this decision really needs to be made. I think that you need to invite dad's girlfriend. It's rude to invite someone and exclude their significant other. It also sounds like doing that would just cause a lot more drama for you. I would let her know in advance that negativity and bullying won't be tolerated and if she behaves that way, she will be asked to leave.
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VIP June 2020
Jessica · on July 1, 2019 at 12:44 PM
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Ask his GF to not come and if its an issue then say your dad cant come either. I know its kind of harsh but I also had to make tough decisions degrading my biological father and his side of the family. After going back and forth I decided I didn't want any drama so no one on my biological dads side of the family is invited nor is my father. I did invite my uncle (biological dads brother) because he has been there for me and my mom (parents are divorced) through everything when no one else has. I explained the whole situation to him and let him know I wanted him at my wedding but no one else from his side of the family would be there. He understood and said it didn't matter, he wanted to be there for me. You need to make the call and try to ignore everyone else's inputs. Its your day and you don't want drama. Also we have a lot of people we are not inviting to the wedding due to costs and we have mentioned that we will be throwing a party for everyone who couldn't come/ wasn't invited. Maybe you can think of doing something like that and just not inviting any of those people that have been causing drama.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on July 1, 2019 at 1:30 PM
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I agree with this.
My FILs girlfriend is horrible and did everything she could do either make our wedding about her or do things to make planning our wedding harder. I alerted security and gave them her picture and told them if she acted up to take her right out. Luckily she left early with a headache, I don't think she was getting enough attention.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on July 1, 2019 at 2:58 PM
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You should tell your dad how this is all affecting you. also, your aunt is not really correct, your fiance should be at family events, since he will family! It sounds like dad's GF is immature and petty, and you by no means have to invite her. Mention this to your dad when discussing your feelings. Tell him how this drama is making you feel about your wedding.
It's not rude to leave someone out who brings you emotional pain. You get along with your stepdad, he should be invited. GF doesn't even show you basic respect and civility. That right there is the reason you should give anyone who would give you any pushback over inviting one and not the other.
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on July 1, 2019 at 5:00 PM
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I would play this both ways: give everyone the chance to come and if they make trouble then they will be asked to leave. No questions asked.
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Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on July 1, 2019 at 6:51 PM
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I agree with this.
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