Erin
Savvy October 2020

What kind of wedding??

Erin , on May 20, 2019 at 9:08 AM Posted in Planning 0 25
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How did you decide what kind of wedding you wanted?? I can not decide if I want something big with all the family and friends, something small, or even a destination wedding. My FH just says anything that’ll make me happy is good with him. Our budget would allow us to do any of these things, but I just can’t figure out what would be the best for us. Anyone else have this problem??

25 Comments

  • Emily
    Expert April 2020
    Emily ·

    This was a conflict for us, me mostly. I do not like being the center of attention so I wanted a small wedding. My FH said he couldn't imagine getting married without his friends and family there so we're doing the big shebang, BUT I chose a venue that had a capacity so I could have some control over who is invited.

  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·

    Once we established a budget, we decided what our priorities were in wedding planning. We knew that it was important for us to have our closest friends and family there. Some of my FW's family can't (or won't) travel, so a DW was out of the question. We went with a local wedding and a medium-large guest list. We invited 150 people which is a lot, but pretty good for us considering my FW wanted to invite the entire town she grew up in.

    I think the best thing to do is decide what's important to you as a couple. You can afford a DW, but can the people that you want there afford to travel as well? If not, are you okay with not having those who couldn't make it? If you decide to have a local wedding, do you want a larger guest list and more of a party vibe, or do you want your close friends and family and something more intimate?

  • latasha
    VIP September 2019
    latasha ·
    This wasn’t an issue for me. I’m very close to my family and all of them don’t have passports and my mom was very sick at the time which meant she more than likely couldn't travel if we did a destination wedding so it was easy to choose to be in NY with a HUGE guestlist lol. Since financially you wouldn’t be stressed one way or the other I would say weigh what’s most important to you. If you want something very intimate and want the focus mainly on your partner and you then the small or destination wedding would probably be better. Would you look back on the day and be sad if certain people couldn’t make it because they couldn’t afford to come or fit in the venue? If yes then I’d say the small or destination wedding wouldn’t work. You don’t want to have any regrets when you look back on your day. Hope that helps. Good luck. Soooo many decisions lol
  • Anna
    Rockstar June 2020
    Anna ·
    Well unfortunately we had to let our budget lead the way...we are keeping it small.
    50 guests.
  • Lizbeth
    Devoted May 2020
    Lizbeth ·
    Budget was the inspo for our little elopement type wedding lol. We are going to the courthouse then a little party at my sister's.
    25 max guests (although in reality is around 16 people) food by me, cake by me all by me. Cheaper and I have always dreamed of making my own wedding cake, ever since I was like 16 or so. So I'm doing it the second time around so I'm pumped!
  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
    For us this decision was very easy. We knew we want an intimate wedding, where we’re surrounded only by people with whom we have meaningful & close relationships & who we see or talk to on regular basis.

    If you’re trying to decide, I would consider:
    - DW - If you want a really small wedding over a few days, with a weekend vacation feel; if you’re ok being hands off bride when it comes to planning & you don’t really care that much about every detail, because it’s much harder to control all this for a DW. And also, if you know your VIP guest will be able to afford a trip (money & time wise)
    - Large wedding - If you are quantity over quality person & if it’s really important for you & your families to include every single cousin & all people you know
    - Smaller wedding - If you want an intimate feel but not as small as DW; if you’re quality over quantity person & if you care about the details, because even if you can afford a large wedding, it’s always easier to make a smaller wedding more customized, more luxurious & better planned than a large wedding (unless you’re spending $100,000 or more, of course)

    Lastly, I’m sure your FH has at least some kind of preference, since he’s the one getting married too lol
  • Mandi
    VIP March 2020
    Mandi ·
    We considered a destination wedding but realized that might cause some of our closest friends some financial strain. And we knew we wanted them there. So we axed the idea.
    We decided on a small close family and friends event. I'm glad we only did small... because I'm caping the guest list at 250. I cant imagine doing a large wedding with extended family.
  • Sara
    Expert June 2019
    Sara ·

    Our budget and preference basically boiled it down to "the most classy local wedding we can have while spending the least amount of money". We invited about 150, and our guest list will end up being about 115, which is all our family and friends but not literally everyone we know. It will be a June Saturday in upstate NY. We thought about the type of event that would reflect us as people, and what we valued.

    IMO destination weddings have some serious drawbacks, even though they're all the rage right now. I personally thought it was rude to ask our families to spend so much money, travel so far, and sacrifice so much to attend a party. It also would have meant a larger price tag for us, less elderly family members being able to attend, more hassle with distance planning, and the inevitable lower gift amount from guests.

  • Kiara
    Devoted August 2020
    Kiara ·
    Im having a mini big wedding because we both have big families.. Plus my family dont see weddings often so i wanted2do it 4 a positive look like heyy black love and families still do exist..
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Totally agree with this.

    I really wanted to say my vows in Napa (about 8-10 hours or 1-hour flight for most guests). Too expensive for us and our 40+ guests so we had a small DW of mostly family (15) then a local reception a few months later. We had the best of everything: intimate wedding & big dance party later with friends/co-workers.

    That’s an option too. A family-only DW or private elopement with a local reception later (can be as casual as cake & punch or BBQ, or a lavish affair).
  • K
    Dedicated September 2019
    Kelsey ·

    We went back and forth about all of this, too. It's the second marriage for both of us, but the first time around, I had the big 250+ guest wedding, and he did a courthouse elopement. He's an only child, and we both felt strongly about having our parents and my sisters there, so we settled on a small wedding for family and close friends.

  • Courtney
    VIP August 2019
    Courtney ·
    We both have large families, so even if we did JUST family, it’d be close to 200. We decided to do a larger wedding with 250 total
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·

    We kind of just planned the wedding we wanted from the begining. We made a guest list to help us determine how many people we really wanted/needed to invite.

    A destination wedding was out for us, because we really wanted to make sure we had the opportunity to celebrate with as many family and friends as possible. A destination wedding would make it hard to do so.

    We realistically could have totally had a smaller wedding but at the end of the day the people we invited were the people we wanted there.

    Make a rough draft guest list first to determine how many people you can't have your day without then go from there.

  • Futuremrs
    Devoted July 2019
    Futuremrs ·
    I desperately wanted to have a DW in Nova Scotia, but with passports, airfare, hotels, meals, etc, it was getting too expensive since we are trying to buy a house. So we are doing a micro ceremony with parents and siblings only and going to a high-end restaurant. Then a month later, we are having a huge party for his family in NY, but it's just a party. We're skipping the traditional reception and just celebrating our marriage. And we're doing a small BBQ for my family in Ohio. And it's so much less expensive than the DW. FH says maybe we'll do a renewal ceremony there in five years.
  • Miranda
    Savvy May 2019
    Miranda ·

    I personally don't like people so ours is small.

  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I was going to exactly this. Haha
  • L
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Linda ·
    Im really torn too, I really want DW wedding and my FH wants DW wedding too just us two. But I also want the pictures to look back on with friends and family but they are already said they cannot afford to come. I don’t know what to do as DW is my dream but also want to share those memories with friends. I was thinking us two share vows abroad unofficially and then have real wedding here but the costs adds up . Any advice would be helpful
  • Alisha
    Devoted August 2020
    Alisha ·

    We had talked about our wedding and my FH was happy with what made my me happy. I involved him in wedding decisions so that he will be our wedding. It will be simple and elegant with 100 guests.

  • Ester
    Savvy May 2020
    Ester ·

    I'll be honest, I did not want to do such a big wedding. because my FH's family is big we decided to just go for the whole venue wedding, 120 guests. I've come around to see the importance of doing the big wedding because we're both really close to our extended families. It's hard to make the decision but in the end its what truly makes you happy and your loved ones will support you on your decision.

  • Dayna
    Savvy March 2021
    Dayna ·

    Both my FH and I have big families (I have a large extended family, FH has a large immediate family). It's important to me that the people who have been a part of our lives can be at our wedding, and that no-one is hurt by not being invited, so we leaned towards a larger wedding and kept it local. It helps that our friends group is on the smaller side, so in total we will have around 120 guests, almost all family. We considered smaller and more intimate, but I think the party is more fun with a bigger group and again, didn't want any hurt feelings. I think the best thing you can do is sit down and decide who you HAVE to have there. Then you can create a B/C list and decide whether to keep it small with the A list or expand. Many of our must have guests (including my parents and MOH) would struggle to attend a DW (financially and/or physically), which influenced our decision to keep it local and put our budget towards including everyone.

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