What is your fh down falls?

He’s not as much of a clean freak as him, but I’ve never had doubt of if I wanted to marry him. What’s on your mind, what does your FH do that makes you feel this way?

View Quoted Comment Mine doesnt clean either!! That drives me crazy but I just got a lady coming to our house every week to help with that. She is my moms friend & so she is coming for $40 a week to help me out!!


Well my thing is money, he makes good money now but doesnt have a single dollar saved and some times gets himself in financial binds bc he spends way too much money. Idk what to do, Ive tried everything but Im feeling hopeless.

View Quoted Comment Have you guys done any premarital counseling? I think it being something as important as money you should definitely work through that before getting married! Cause once your married his financial issues are also yours. It’s definitely something you two as a couple need to work through and agree upon or it’ll lead to unnecessary fights in the future. I’m guessing you’ve already talked to him about it multiple times? What does he say?

I’ve been in other serious relationships and engaged before and I saw red flags or dealbreakers so I left. My husband has plenty of flaws like being messy and being cranky and a jerk in the morning. But nothing that made me not want to marry him. If you think it’s something you can work through then stay, but it’s ok to not get married or to postpone until you’re sure. It’s a super serious decision and don’t let anyone pressure you into rushing it.

Im not thinking of postponing.. I was just curious what others thing.
Yes we did premarital counseling and it was great!
Now Im thinking it comes down to him telling me no...I will get home from work and want to eat out.. i hate cooking.. he always cooks. Im not that great at it but I try.. so we are gonna try to look at that and im gonna try to get some more recipes to try.

View Quoted Comment

Money is the number one source of conflict in a marriage. If premarital counseling helped, maybe you could consider couple's counseling?

There are some pet peeves he does that get me annoyed but they are not a big deal in the grand scheme of things

I don't think threatening calling off/postponing your wedding is a healthy way to respond to normal irritations or pet peeves in a relationship. Now, if there is a major issue/red flag or something that you're not sure you can live with (because it's also a bad idea to marry someone hoping that they'll change), then absolutely - do what you need to do and hopefully that includes couples (and/or individual) counseling.

I feel the same way about threats of divorce in fights post marriage as well. Admittedly, I'm a bit sensitive on this topic as my ex-husband used the threat of divorce as a manipulation tactic during fights fairly regularly until I warned him that the next time he used that threat, would be the last time time he got to use it. 6 months later I moved out after he tried to browbeat me into submission with the threat of divorce after picking a fight. That was just the last straw in an overall emotionally abusive (and thankfully short-lived) marriage.

Addition to my original comment, money handling differences is one of the most common issues to lead to a divorce. If that is already a problem, then maybe looking into some sort of financial education that you guys can do together would be useful? If you're not comfortable with combining your finances, I'd call that a pretty major issue that needs to be resolved before you get married - especially if he's not willing to work on being more fiscally responsible. At the very least, if you DO go ahead and get married, I would suggest maintaining separate bank accounts until you guys are on the same page.