What is the proper etiquette when invited to a friend's soiree (after party)

This is extremely rude and you shouldn't go.

They are telling saying you are not good enough to see them get married. You aren't good enough for a meal. They just want you to party, bring a gift.

Well, that was very rude of the friend. Did you check to make sure your invitation didn't get lost in the mail? This seems really odd to me. I would reach out to her and find out if there has been a mishap. Maybe say "Hey I got a save the date but, never received an invite so I don't know the RSVP due date". That is non-confrontational and puts the ball in her court to explain then you can decide what to do. I wouldn't go to the after party. That would be weird. If she explains that you aren't invited to the ceremony/reception - I wouldn't give a gift either.

View Quoted Comment This is what I would do too. If she has the nerve to tell you that she sent you a save the date and is including you in every festivity EXCEPT the actual wedding, then let her explain that to you, and in that case, you shouldn’t go.

Honestly I would just skip the event and not give anything else. You have already spent way more money than you should have for an event you aren't even actually invited to. I would decline, and then just make sure you remember this instance when dealing with her in the future, as this is an extremely gift grabby move on her and her FHs part.

Also - I disagree with calling her out by pretending to be confused. She knows exactly what she did and it will probably only lead to drama or your feelings being hurt, or both. Just decline and move on.

ETA: Also if you do decided to go, do not bring any kind of gift. It's not required of you. Bring a card that says congrats and end it at that.

If you do go I would not bring any gifts or money. I don't think I would go, I'd feel a little 'wtf' about the whole situation since you were involved in so much other stuff..

Wow that is so incredibly rude and tacky of your friend to do that to you.

If I were you I wouldn't go and I also wouldn't give a gift. If I wasn't deemed important enough to be invited to the wedding even after I participated in all of the pre-wedding events then I certainly wouldn't show up for the after party for this rude, gift-grabby friend.

Also agree that you shouldn't pretend to be confused. She knew what she was doing.

I'm really mad right now about this and this didn't even happen to me!

I would honestly reach out and make sure there wasn't a mistake or maybe your invite got lost, cause she invited you to so much stuff! I accidentally left two cousins off the invite list, and when my aunt asked me why, i called them both IMMEDIATELY and apologized that it was an honest mistake and sent the invites out. Maybe somehow yours got missed. And if she only meant to send you an after-party invite, (if it were me) I would decline. That would hurt my feelings big time. Best of luck to you!

I think your feelings are totally reasonable! I'd be offended too, especially when I was invited to more personal things like bachelorette & bridal shower. I probably wouldn't go.

I agree that you should confirm with her that she didn't send you an invitation. Mistakes happen or it may have gotten lost in the mail, so I wouldn't assume before knowing for sure. If you are really not invited to the wedding, I definitely would not go nor buy a gift at all. I would also distance myself from this friend to be honest because this shows too much of her true colors.

Woooooow. How rude! You're special enough to get the invite for the bach party but not for the wedding with venue that can hold 150 people?! This is absurd. I honestly wouldn't go and I would not give another gift.

I will take another approach. the other 150 could be family, and maybe she wanted to include you, but she didn't know how to budget for you. I know it probably doesn't make you feel great, but she want you there to celebrate. This is also the time during a wedding that B&Gs can actually spend with their guests. I think contacting her for clarification about "how to rsvp" is appropriate, so that you can figure out if it was a mistake.

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I am guessing it was not a mistake, since you had to RSVP with this Soiree. I also did send a text this morning asking if there was anyone else that I would know invited to this portion that my boyfriend and I could reach out to and meet up with prior. I haven't heard anything back yet. I would think if it was a mistake that would have prompted a quick reply, but we will see.

I would not attend at all, this is rude of her.

View Quoted Comment I think if you invited someone to your bachelorette and bridal shower, there’s no reason not to invite them to the entire wedding unless something major has happened. Typically the wedding venue and guest list is booked and decided before invitations to events like the bachelorette are sent out, so her friend likely knew in advance that she didn’t have room for OP for the wedding and hasn’t said anything. Personally, if I was in that situation, I would have let my friend know in advance that I still want her there and to come have fun, but no gift required. The fact that she hasn’t said anything at all seems kind of rude, hopefully this is a misunderstanding of some sort.

Personally I wouldn't go. That is very rude to only invite someone to a part of the day. I can't imagine someone I wanted at my bachelorette I wouldn't be dying to have for every moment.

If my "friend" did this, I wouldn't be happy at all. I would check to see if there was some mix-up, and if she tells you that this is how it has to be, I wouldn't even bother going unless she has an AMAZING reason why... I mean you spent so much money already, missed work, went to her other events just to only be invited to the after party. Extremely disrespectful. So sorry for you. I hope it's just a mix up.

I have never ever agreed to inviting 'some' people to the dinner reception and then 'others' to the dance only but this is what this 'afterparty' sounds like. You are invited to the dance only part and will be included in the late night lunch which happens to be pizza and frozen yogurt.

I suppose that you have to ask yourself if this is a proper thing to do in general to anyone and make your decision from there. Also it is rude to mention Bora Bora on a wedding invite