What is the correct etiquette with Rsvping to a faux pas of an invitation?

This all sounds so weird, lol. Why couldn't they mail one invite to your aunt and one to your mom?
I'd say it's fine for your mom to handle the rsvp since you, as an adult, did not get one addressed to you.

I agree with Alyssa, if you do not want to deal with the RSVP directly, I think it would be fine to let your mom handle it, since she is technically the only one who received an invite.

I think if there are food choices to be made, I'd contact J myself to be sure your choices are communicated correctly. If it's just a buffet, or something, I'd just let your mom handle it.

But, you are absolutely right that as a married adult, you should have had an invitation sent directly to you. It can't be that hard to ask for an address if J didn't have yours.

Does J even have your address? If not, then maybe that's why she sent it to your mom

I would RSVP via your mom. This is all so awkward though. I'm not sure there's an etiquette rule on this but it makes sense to use the same "channel" of communication.

Prefacing this with the fact that what is common/expected in some social circles will not be accepted in others, this is a great example of confusing etiquette and tradition which are not the same.


This type of thing is very common among the older generations of our families and family friends, and the younger generations go with it because they are used to it. It’s not seen as taboo because weddings are considered “community” gatherings rather than closed guest lists. It’s easier for the hosts to address an invitation to an entire family group and everyone in that group is invited regardless of whether they live at home or not. That also means that what is considered “standard” for the rest is not done in those situations (open weddings don’t always have a full meal, plated or otherwise, nor a bar of any kind, while those are considered minimum requirements for some people). That type of hosting may be where this couple is coming from? It’s impossible to guess.

If you decide to attend or not, which is up to you and not mandatory, you would rsvp through whomever the invitation was addressed to. But it doesn’t make you an obligatory invite or a last minute seat filler.