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Master October 2020

What is "formal" attire and color "rules"?

Mandi, on August 12, 2019 at 11:58 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 10

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Somewhere in my life "don't dress in the wedding colors" has been absolutely drilled into my brain. No idea why, I just picked it up somewhere and carried on with it.
I've always been appalled by people who ask what the wedding colors are so they can dress accordingly.
So does it even matter?

I only ask because my fiance recently received a save the date. I'd hope since we are engaged and purchased a home together, that they'll figure their manners out and invite me too. But ya know... whatever.

So I went onto their wedding website (I'm nosy and like wedding websites.) And apparently the attire for their event is formal. Never heard of anyone telling people what type of attire to wear, but again, whatever.

Assuming I snag an invite, what do I wear? I own 3 dresses. That includes my wedding gown. I've got a black jersey dress. Which I assume is too casual. And another dress that is knee length, but similar in color to my FSIL's bridesmaid dress for this wedding.

I'm not saying I wont go shopping. But so far, nothing at Torrid is really popping out at me. And ya know, I'm paying for my whole wedding thing, so I would honestly prefer to avoid shopping.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Lady, on August 13, 2019 at 1:06 PM

Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 13, 2019 at 12:04 AM
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I've only ever heard of people requesting a dress code. I've never heard the "don't dress in wedding colors" thing. It's common for weddings to provide a recommended dress code so feel free to do that for yours if you want.

For this wedding, I would agree that your black jersey dress is not formal enough. This may help clear things up https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-guest-attire-cheat-sheet
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Devoted October 2020
Chloe · on August 13, 2019 at 7:26 AM
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I agree with pp, i’ve definitely heard of people listing the dress code suggestion on their wedding website. I have formal on mine. I think “not dressing in the wedding colors” maybe from not wanting to look like a bridesmaid if you show up in that color. A friend of mine did that and she told me people were coming up to her all night asking when she and the bride met and she was a friend of the groom lol. However I do feel like you should wear a nicer dress that you ultimately feel the most comfortable in!
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on August 13, 2019 at 7:33 AM
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As far as color rules, I've only heard don't wear white. And in some cultures red?
But as far as formal attire for you, nice floor length dress or maybe even a nice shorter cocktail dress should suffice.
Amazon has some surprisingly nice formalwear! I bought a dress from KohKoh on there and got so many compliments on it that I chose it to have my bridesmaids wear.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 13, 2019 at 8:08 AM
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Each culture, region, religion has their own feelings about the colors. In general don't wear white is the big rule.
Overall the level of formality is almost always discussed, especially at formal or black tie. I'd go with the suggestions on the link PP posted. To be blunt Torrid is often casual looking you will likely need to look elsewhere.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on August 13, 2019 at 8:10 AM
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Claim ignorance. Most guests won't know (or care about) the wedding colors. You won't be in any photos with the BP, so it shouldn't matter. Does their venue give any cue as to whether this is truly a formal event? If your FSIL is in the wedding, maybe you can get some insight from her.

I have been looking for 2 months for a dress for my SILs wedding. I swear I can't find anything that is not too casual or too formal, fits and doesn't cost over 100 dollars. It was easier to find a dress for my wedding lol.
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VIP February 2020
Lauren · on August 13, 2019 at 8:47 AM
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I've always heard to never wear white to a wedding, but I know some cultures say not to wear red. As far as attire, I'm friends with a lot of people that have put an attire on their website. Formal attire would be the equivalent of Black Tie Optional. For these, you'd wear a really nice cocktail dress or floor length gown, and your FH would wear a dark suit or tux. I went to my friend's Black Tie Optional wedding in December. This is what me & FH wore.
Formal Attire
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on August 13, 2019 at 10:29 AM
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I have never heard to not dress in the wedding colors, just no white. In fact, I have been to and worked a few weddings where many guests did coordinate the wedding colors on purpose or by accident and it was all good. One weird @@@ bride even asked that guests only wear black and red. As for listing the attire, we did that to avoid guests that may plan to under dress. I'm not trying to shame our guests, but my idea of dressing up is not the jeans without rips in them! I'm sure if the couple is planning a formal event, they want to ensure guests don't arrive and realize they missed the mark.
I love Torrid too but have you tried thrift stores? I have actually picked up a few Torrid pieces for next to nothing at some of the ones near me. I also hear a lot of good things about Poshmark from a friend even though I haven't personally used it. Good luck!
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on August 13, 2019 at 10:45 AM
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I feel like I've heard that rule too, but I'm not sure where it came from either lol.
It seems to be pretty common practice where I'm from to list attire on the website, but not the invite or STD.
And double-check that the wedding is actually formal...my H's cousin had a "formal" wedding but it was an outdoor ceremony in a field and 97 degrees that day...and the reception venue was rustic. So I ended up not dressing formal and just wore what I would wear to a semi-formal wedding, and I was dressed appropriately. The MOG wasn't even wearing a formal gown at this wedding lol. The bride just picked the wrong attire recommendation for their event.
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Super October 2019
Sara · on August 13, 2019 at 12:07 PM
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I guess it makes sense to not want to match the bridesmaids, but otherwise I think as long as you're not wearing white, you're ok. And I'm totally in favor of listing dress code recommendations. If I don't see something listed and can't infer from the invite/website, I'd probably show up in a cocktail-ish dress. Formal to me is anywhere from a nice cocktail dress to a more formal gown, and if the couple wants that, they should definitely specify. It sounds like you're probably going to need to go shopping, but you could definitely try thrift stores or even something like a dress rental (like Rent The Runway) if it's something you wouldn't wear again.
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Lady · on August 13, 2019 at 1:06 PM
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You can wear whatever color you want. If the dress you already own is something you like and more dressy than casual, then go for it - no need to go shopping.
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