What if no one throws any of the parties?

I definitely was in the same boat and didn't expect anyone to do anything special like that for me. And now we are 4 weeks out and my family is throwing a shower this weekend. There's still Hope for you!

I mean if no one throws them then you just don't have them!

The MOH isn't the only person that can host these events. My parents hosted my engagement party. My BMs all hosted my shower. My BFF from OT school hosted my MA bachelorette and my BMs and a few friends hosted my PA bachelorette party.

If you're actually getting married in 2024 I would put these feelings on pause or better yet, do my best to let these thoughts go. You already know you're not entitled to any additional parties. If anyone wants to throw them for you, they certainly won't plan to do so now. Your wedding can be a very girly experience, focus on that. Picking a wedding gown is a very girly experience. More than anything, resist any temptation to mention this to your friends or family. You should never give the slightest hint that you want a party and make loved ones feel obligated to do so. It should be a spontaneous offer with love. I know you're just venting here but just in case. Let these feelings go, really.

ETA: My mom is throwing a shower for me the Thursday before the wedding. Mostly close family and friends since I'm getting married in my hometown. My bridesmaids didn't offer anything and I didn't expect them to. Hosting a shower/bachelorette is a lot of time and money, unfortunately not everyone can do it. Who knows who will surprise you. And your wedding will still be magical and girly without them.

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I get that it's a long way away, and that there's really no sense thinking about these things right now, but I have a tendency to obsess over 'new' things for a month or two after it gets 'introduced' to my mind, so it's all turning round and round in my head 24/7. And, I didn't mean to make it sound like I wanted these things to happen now, it's forever away from even 'proposing' to my bridesmaids. More that I've just been thinking about everything related to weddings for the past week since this is all new to me. And I know I'm not entitled to parties, and I definitely won't hint at wanting one to anyone, I wouldn't want something thrown out of guilt, I just...Idk. I guess it was stupid.

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but if you want an additional party, and no one else is throwing one for you ... just throw it yourself? Just don't expect anyone else to pitch in for costs. I don't think I would judge a friend for throwing her own shower or engagement party.

In 6 years your best friend will have probably been in a wedding. She may not even be your best friend anymore. Hold off on worrying about this for five more years.

Honestly, if they aren’t planned then they don’t happen, and that’s just kinda the way it goes. But, even if she doesn’t realize that’s a thing she’s “supposed to do”, there’s probably going to be someone that will end up asking her about it! She’ll probably get some questions like “So when is the bachelorette party?” “What are we doing for the bachelorette party?” Etc. And she’ll get the hint probably.

Maybe u can have ur sisters talk to her about her role.

View Quoted Comment Her role is to get a dress and shoes and show up the day of the wedding.

You never know..you have a lot of time between now and then that maybe your whole wedding party will change. I wouldn't stress about it this early on.

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I can relate to this. I envision all these negative possibilities and hurt my brain with extended fantasies of every conflict that could arise. Usually what I was concerned about ends up not being a thing at all, so I stressed and worried for nothing. When stressful things happen, it usually catches me completely off guard, that's life for you lol. Would you consider seeing a therapist? I say that with total kindness since I've been in your shoes. I used to say that I'm just obsessive and it's simply part of my personality but the truth is that if certain behaviors are hindering your quality of life, that's something to think about. I can't imagine that stressing about this 6 years in advance isn't harmful for you. I personally stressed about school and college in a very unhealthy way but I just assumed it was normal because that's how I got good grades. Also, your feelings aren't stupid, they're real, just not helpful or healthy for you right now. And I'm relieved you haven't proposed to your bridal party yet haha. I'm not sure I can even think of who my closest friend was six years ago. Best of luck!

Maybe it is just me but I'm not expecting any of these things. You aren't losing out on anything if they don't happen. You can still get married without them . Just for today don't stress about it. Also give people some time. They have to work on the details if it is going to happen.

If no one hosts the parties, then you don't have the parties. I get it. I didn't have an engagement party, and I didn't get a Bridal shower; no one asked me if I was registered. It sucked really bad, and I was sad about it for a long time. I just had to get over it.

I’m not having a bridal shower, bachelorette party, engagement party or anything like that I already know- my sister is my maid of honor but she’s absolutely too busy to plan a party, plus my FH and I are moving to a different state and I don’t expect people to travel there just for a party. I’m just focusing on the wedding now.

View Quoted Comment Well that's ur opinion. Glad Im blessed with friends that love me and were ecstatic about wanting to throw me a bridal shower and bachelorette party.

You have plenty of time but when the time comes youcan always drop hints like "I just had this idea for a bridal shower" or maybe "hey wouldn't this be fun for a option for the nachlotette party?"

View Quoted Comment This.

I never understood why it was such bad ju-ju to throw your own party. I throw my own birthday parties and no one bats an eye, so why would it matter if someone else threw a party to have fun with their friends and celebrate such a fun time in life? It really doesn't matter. I'm kinda iffy on a bridal shower, but it's honestly just like a birthday party (where people actually bring you gifts), so whatever on that. Point is, nobody really cares if you throw your own party. You could even mention a general theme or certain wants to the MOH (or your sisters) and maybe they'll take over the planning from there or help you out.

Point is, you've got a while to piece it all together. If you want the experience, just do it!

In 6 years, you may not even recognize the person you are now. A lot changes when you're young.

Try not to even think about it for at least four years!

I totally understand this. My sister is my MOH, and she can be a bit awkward. I certainly don't mean that in a mean or negative sense, as I can be as well. And my best friend who I've known for about 33 years or so is my bridesmaid. I don't have a lot of friends, I am terrible at keeping in touch with people and life happens. I am pretty sure there will not be a bridal/wedding shower, and I'm also pretty sure my sister will not be giving a toast (I haven't asked her yet but plan to soon). I completely understand that she isn't comfortable speaking in front of people, and I would not be upset at her, it does makes me a bit sad though. I want the whole experience as well, but my life just isn't set up in a way that it will happen.

Biggest advice is communication! Let your bridal party know, I'm sure if they know it's important to you they will gladly celebrate you both as much as possible. It doesn't have to be fancy.

We didn't have an engagement party it wasn't important to us so we told everyone to save the money and use it towards the bachelorette party or other wedding expenses.