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Michelle
Champion December 2022

What does "cover your plate" mean and why is it a thing?

Michelle, on April 13, 2021 at 9:16 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 25

Out of curiosity, I have heard the term used as a "rule" for the value of a gift. How exactly would that work (not planning to implement but just understand) when the couple is not giving guests a bill like at a restaurant, nor sharing details of how much vendors cost? How does the guest know that...

Out of curiosity, I have heard the term used as a "rule" for the value of a gift. How exactly would that work (not planning to implement but just understand) when the couple is not giving guests a bill like at a restaurant, nor sharing details of how much vendors cost? How does the guest know that the couple isn't on a budget or thinking outside the box as part of their personalities? Wouldn't it it just be easier to say "ok I'm willing to spend $x because they are my best friends (or not that close) so what on their registry that they want is in that price range?" Otherwise it sounds like too much math and trying to one up each other?

25 Comments

  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Wow that is insane! I agree with your observation. It almost sounds like they're more invested in the potential amount of money received than the guests involved and their feelings on the practice. But it's not something you can or should pressure or dictate someone into following if they're not comfortable with it.

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  • Konny
    Beginner October 2022
    Konny ·
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    I’ve debated this with my friends before. I’ve always said I personally wouldn’t be offended if a person just gave a gift from registry and not also provide some type of monetary gift the day of the wedding. I can’t presume to know everyone financial situation. I’m the one getting married and asking people to come. I also don’t expect people to pay for the full cost of a plate. Let’s say I have expensive taste and it’s 250 or 300 per plate. I shouldn’t be upset if someone can’t come up with that kind of money. For my wedding, I am not doing a registry, I will only indicate gifts of any kind are welcomed.
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  • JM Sunshine
    August 2020
    JM Sunshine ·
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    So, you mean to tell me that "your presence is our greatest present" has been a lie? From now on I'll skip the travel costs and hotel fee, stay home and mail a gift I'm comfortable with so there's no judgement...😉
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  • Caitlin
    Caitlin ·
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    I usaully always give 300$-400$ even if I'm traveling as a gift, but I'm starting to think maybe that is too much I'm my area my NY friends usaully say the same, but there really is no right or wrong way. If I'm close to the bride and groom its usaully more. I also give a bridal shower present as well of a smaller amount. I don't think people should expect guests to cover their plate. But, I do think at the bare minimum guests should atleast give a nice card wishing the couple well for their wedding, or something personalized. There are people who truly can only afford to give what they're able to or nothing at all. I think the biggest pet peeve of mine is seeing wasted food or the guest you paid for not eating, or not showing up at the venue, that engages me.
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  • Caitlin
    Caitlin ·
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    It depends on where you live in NYC pretty much every wedding I've been to I always give about 300-400$ which is comfortable for me and that is if I'm bringing a guest, but NY venues arent cheap and also its that traditional send off giving the bride and groom some funds for their future. But, I do see in other states that concept is different and venues can be much less expensive in other states, it really depends on where you live, and also what you're able to afford. We had people come who we knew couldn't give a gift and were just happy to have them there. My biggest pet peeve is people not showing up and wasting food or eating their dinner.
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