What do you do about a strained relationship with a parent?

Similar issues here, except mine is with my father. He's also a severe alcoholic that has had a pretty nasty habit of getting too drunk to function and hitting on my female friends/family members. I'm sort of feeling the same way, I'd rather he just be a guest rather than "father of the bride"... and sometimes I think I'd rather if he just didn't come. But at the same time, if he showed any interest in my wedding, every girl dreams of having her dad walk her down the aisle and have that special dance, and I wish I could have those things with him.

Have you tried talking to her about how you feel about her drinking? Maybe if she can make a promise not to drink during the wedding or rehearsal, you could put enough faith/hope in her to start letting her in on the planning, and go from there. Obviously if she shows you during the planning stages that she's committed to your happiness that day, it might be worth giving her the shot to be a bigger part of the wedding. I know personally if my dad expressed an interest, I'd start with baby steps... I hope it works out for you!

Can you try to phrase it as you need her to help you out by doing guest things? Do you have a DOC? I have some sketchy family I've told mine about and warned them of their behavior so if they start acting up they can remove them from the celebration... I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

Thank you FutureMrsRingham...The hard part is that she is manipulative, so it may come off as she is happy to help, but really she has her own agenda. It is hard because I don't want to look back and regret not having her there, but at the same time she is unpredictable. I have spoken with her about how her drinking affects myself and others, and unfortunately it goes in one ear and out the other. I can only hope that she can give me one day sober. I struggle with her actions, which makes me struggle with having her as "the mother of the bride" or a guest. I am going to be putting her to the test here in the next few months to see if she can handle small things, like the shower, the dress shopping/fittings...I hope those small events will help me to see how to approach her with the day of...Sarah, that's a good idea to let my coordinator in on the details, just in case. I will keep that in mind!

I am kinda in the same spot with my dad. He's not a alcoholic or anything like that but he does not interact with people very well, likes to argue with people, and just really isn't does not get along with my mom (they are married) or anyone for that matter. Some times I don't want him at my wedding at all because of the stupid things he does. At times I really didn't care if he got the time off to come to my wedding. He's not walking me down the aisle or anything that the father of the brides normally does.

I hear ya Brittany, I don't want to have any regrets either but at the same time, I don't want the happiest day of my life ruined by someone's poor decisions. I think if you put her to the test and she fails, just be blunt and let her know that you don't feel like you can trust her to have your best intentions in the matter, and let her deal with the consequences. Who knows, maybe it could be the rude awakening that lights the fire under her to get herself some help.

I hope this helps. My best friend's mom just recently passed away from her severe alcoholism and she was lucky enough to have her mom at her wedding. It has been a tough road because of how the drinking affects the body and mind and there were reservations about whether or not she wanted her mom there but in the end, it's your mom. You will regret her not being there, especially after she passes. These are memories that you're creating. Just stay calm about it all and what happens will happen, just know deep down you do want her there, otherwise you wouldn't be asking. Hope you come to a resolution soon.