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BreeAnna
Just Said Yes August 2021

What do i do?

BreeAnna, on May 22, 2021 at 3:21 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 21
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Hello Brides!! I’m in a bit of a situation with mine and my soon to be wife’s bridal party. We have roughly 3 months left until the big day and it seems to be that our party doesn’t want anything to do with it.


This all started around 6 months ago, the only thing that we asked from our bridal parties was that they purchase their own dresses. My Fiancé and I have paid for everything that has to do with our wedding and we are both full time college students so money is a little tight. We sent them a showroom of dresses to pick from about 5 months ago and because this site takes around 3 months to get the dresses out we asked them to start looking and pick a dress that they liked within the options I had sent them.
Just about everyone decided to wait until the last minute to order their dresses after we’d already discussed how the site works. We offered to pay for some of the girls dresses privately because they had financial hardships and couldn’t make it work but then there were girls who told us they didn’t have money for a 97-117 dollar dress but turned around and bought a dog and a gaming console. While I understand that people make commitments to things my fiancé and I felt like we weren’t asking for much.
On top of that we have a 60 person guest limit for our wedding so we had to inform the girls that unless they were married their s/o could not attend because we wanted to make sure that our family was there. Several girls have taken an issue with this and have been unreasonably rude.
To make everything worse I got one of my dress options delivered the other night and sent it to them because I was excited and not one of them had a nice thing to say. I know that it should be what I want to wear and what I feel good in but I can’t help but feel like they will all be talking behind my back should I choose that dress.
Ever since this our bridal party has been distant from us and won’t put any input or opinions on anything we show them and I feel that we may have made a mistake with who we picked to be a part of this new chapter in our lives.

21 Comments

Latest activity by Eniale, on May 24, 2021 at 3:09 PM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    This is a very common theme on the forum unfortunately when the couple picks attendants they are not close to prior to 6 months before the wedding. If you don’t care about ending the friendships, then you can ask them to step down. Then have 2 of your closest people acting as legal witnesses on the marriage certificate.
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  • BreeAnna
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    BreeAnna ·
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    Technically my wife and I are already legally married but I’m not a very confrontational person so the thought of that is almost worse than how my bridal party is being toward my wife and I
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Well, you can't blame them for being upset at having their SOs left out of the wedding, especially with a 60-person guest list. They should have been invited, period.

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  • BreeAnna
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    BreeAnna ·
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    When it came down to mine and my wife’s family and their s/o, our family is the first priority not who they wanted to be there. 60 people including the bridal party and vendors is not a lot of space and I had to think about what was best for my wife and I.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    It is well known that proper wedding etiquette dictates all members of the wedding member party also have their spouses/significant other/dates invited. The fact that you are excluding their significant others and not honoring their relationship (while simultaneously requesting that they honor yours), could very well be the reason they are not excited about your wedding or quick to comply with your wishes. Their significant others should definitely be invited.
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  • BreeAnna
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    BreeAnna ·
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    When the decision came down to my family or their s/o I had to pick my family to watch me get married. This was never something that I wanted to do but because of our limit due to COVID 19 I had to.
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  • BreeAnna
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    BreeAnna ·
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    I can’t just look at my family members and be like “Sorry you can’t come because this person's s/o deserves to be there more than you because they are in my wedding party”
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    I would have been upset about the SO thing too. Couples are a social unit and should be invited together...60 people isn't exactly small. I would have had a smaller BP and cut both of them, or invited both.
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  • BreeAnna
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    BreeAnna ·
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    I understand that they are upset and that isn’t what bothers me. If they wanted to talk to me and see if we could come to a solution together that would be one thing and I wouldn’t mind. But to blatantly treat me and my wife the way they are treating us for something (like a guest limit) that is out of my control is unacceptable. I never treated them in such a way to deserve that. Also, if we had decided to not ask one of them or ask them to step down it would have ruined all relations with them so my wife and I were just trying to find a middle ground and they knew of this rule when they said yes to being a part of our bridal party.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Agreed. You say your bridal party is being rude, however, you were rude first by not inviting their SOs. Even though Covid restrictions weren’t your choice you could have chosen fewer bridesmaids to allow their SOs to attend.
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  • Taylor
    Devoted October 2021
    Taylor ·
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    I’m in the minority, but if a friend told me I couldn’t bring my SO because they were on a limited guest list due to covid and wanted to make sure there family could be included, I would not be the least bit offended. Especially if my fiancé was not close with the couple. It would be different if he wasn’t invited for other reasons, but Covid has been SO hard on couples planning weddings as is, you shouldn’t have to worry about another thing. I would be so flattered I’d made the list.
    I personally would recommend you ask them to step down. I know you said you’re not confrontational, but these don’t sound like people you want in your life forever. You don’t want to look back on your wedding day and say “everything was great, but the morning was ruined by bad attitudes.” Best of luck moving forward 💖
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  • S
    Savvy April 2022
    Sheila ·
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    I agree with you! I would never ask that my SO be invited over someone's family member with the way covid has affected crowd limits and stuff. I think everyone just needs to be understanding right now.
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  • S
    Dedicated September 2021
    Sarah ·
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    I can COMPLETELY RELATE. We're having to cut (as of now) our list down to 60 from 100ish, so it's been difficult. You did nothing wrong. YOUR family takes precedence.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Yes Covid is difficult but it is not an excuse to throw all etiquette out the window. Manners are still in place, just largely ignored.

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  • Taylor
    Devoted October 2021
    Taylor ·
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    I see where you’re coming from, I just wouldn’t be offended in this situation. And I disagree this is throwing etiquette out the window; Covid is making couples have to consider literally the craziest things when wedding planning. Again, if my fiancé wasn’t invited for another reason or Covid wasn’t a thing, I’d be upset. But in this case, I’d be understanding and let it go. Especially if the couple originally planned on inviting my SO and had to cut him at the last minute because of restrictions.
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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    Did you tell them before they said yes to being bridesmaids about your no-ring, no-bring policy?
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  • BreeAnna
    Just Said Yes August 2021
    BreeAnna ·
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    Yes, they were all informed before giving us their answer.
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  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated November 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Agree - "normal" wedding etiquette is that SO's are invited but from what I've seen, different couples define "SO" differently even under normal circumstances (SO = GF/BF title? Do they have to be living together? Engaged? Married?). Personally, if I was invited to a 60-person wedding right now, even if I was in the BP, I wouldn't be offended if the couple could only accommodate me and not my FH (honestly even if we were already married I'd get it). Under any circumstances other than COVID I'd be offended, but this is just a whole different ball game IMO.

    That said, I wouldn't be too quick to judge them if they are offended or pulling back for some other reason. Just like you deserve a little extra compassion because COVID sucks and planning a wedding during COVID sucks, they deserve a little extra compassion because this past year has sucked for pretty much everyone. Is there any way you can touch base with them individually and just connect and see how they're doing, without making it about the wedding? I would personally try that first before cutting people out since that is basically a permanent end to the friendship.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    You dont' get to be mad about what people spend their money on. They could be saving and scrimping and budgeting for a dog or gaming console and truly not have $100 to throw at a dress for your party (since you're already married it's just a party). And it was super rude to exclude SO's. You either wait to have everyone there that you want (especially since you're already married anyway?) or you adjust the full guest list in a way that is not rude.

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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    The choice to exclude their SOs isn't out of your control, but how exactly are they treating you?

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