What Constitutes Cheating In Your Marriage?

As someone who watched a marriage fall apart because one party developed an emotional attachment to a coworker, I wouldn’t define cheating as just sexual acts. To me, the cheating began when the individual I’m referring to moved from just having feelings for their coworker into acting on those feelings by flirting and inviting the individual to lunch etc. We can’t always control how or what we feel, but we can control the way we behave. We all have boundaries that are unacceptable to be crossed, and I think it’s really important to discuss and know what your spouse’s boundaries are. I feel like I’m pretty laid back and I trust my FH whole heartedly, and when I’ve felt like he was crossing a line we’ve discussed my reason for feeling that way and his reasoning.

View Quoted Comment If you could define marital cheating what would your definition be?

Sexual relations is not the only type of cheating, at least in my opinion. Any emotional or physical attachment/relationship constitutes as cheating.

View Quoted Comment I guess I would say marital cheating is being unfaithful to the vows of marriage that you both took, whether that is physical or emotional.

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Exactly this!

I would define cheating as anything you can't tell your spouse about. For some people (in an open marriage), that could allow sex with someone else. For others, even much more casual relationships are an issue.

The one caution I would have, though, is not to define cheating so broadly that it precludes having routine social interactions at work (e.g., going out to lunch) with someone of another gender. In many workplaces, advancement is heavily dependent on mentoring relationships, so an inability to have those with someone of a different gender can hinder your career development.

I'd say anything that develops a romantic or sexual intent to someone other than my partner. In general anything you have to hide or be dishonest about it is typically a big warning sign.

View Quoted Comment Does your future husband agree with that description?

View Quoted Comment I like that definition.

View Quoted Comment I agree that the definition should not be too broad where literally everything can be interpreted as cheating.

View Quoted Comment That is a fair definition.

I would say if you're doing something that you're hiding from your fiance/husband or wouldn't tell or want him finding out about that's cheating. Whether it's an emotional affair with a coworker - going to them instead of your significant other. Or even DM'ing or texting someone with the intention of something more than friendly. Obviously any physical contact (not hugging or touching) but kissing and beyond. My FH is on the same page if not MORE so than that.

There are so many different types of cheating and I am against any kind of cheating. Something my pastor discussed at great length recently is how normalized cheating has become in our society. He said that cheating is happening so frequently and so casually that even when something is inappropriate, the argument from the guilty party is often that they "didn't sleep with the other person so it is not cheating" and I couldn't agree with him more/ disagree with the attitude so many people seem to have more. It's hard to explain because I don't agree that men and women can't be friends. I consider most of my friend's husbands and some male coworkers friends but would I go to lunch or to the movies or hangout at either of our homes with them alone? no. Have I sat at the table alone with my ex-boss alone who I consistently tried to get along with? Yes. Were the conversations always appropriate? yes. Going to a male coworker/ friend/ for my emotional or sexual needs would obviously be inappropriate and I would consider both cheating.. Telling someone else that you love them, want to be with them more than your wife/husband, anything along those lines si definitely cheating.. as soon as you break your vows, you are cheating. Sorry if I poorly explained my perspective haha. I tried.

View Quoted Comment You included a lot of good examples of cheating.

View Quoted Comment Omg I love this! Cheating is so normalized that a lot of times when it happens the couple stays together and the cheating continues.

View Quoted Comment Yes and often times, the more the guilty party cheats, the more used to it their partner becomes and they stay together and it’s heartbreaking. My fiancé says it embarrassed him because “those people are why some people don’t take marriage seriously anymore.” He’s not wrong lol.

View Quoted Comment Smh. I completely agree with him. Women are also more likely to stay with men if they cheat but if the woman cheats the guy is typically out of there.

I definitely don't just define cheating as sexual acts or physical stuff. If I feel like you're emotionally into someone then that's cheating to me too. Id be more hurt if you develop feelings for someone vs kissing them

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Feelings can't always be helped. Almost all married people will at some point develop feelings for someone else. All you can do is to avoid acting on those feelings.

I say this because I'm more, not less, committed to marriage. Too many people believe that if they develop feelings for someone else, that's a sign that there is something wrong with their marriage, and they should end it. But often those feelings occur because you don't know as much about that other person, and aren't seeing that other person leave their socks on the floor, fail to empty the dishwasher, or whatever is irritating you about your spouse. If you leave your spouse for the person you have feelings for, it's quite likely that then you will develop feelings about yet another person. If you are committed to your marriage, you need to learn to remain committed to your spouse even if you develop feelings for someone else, and not act on those feelings.

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I also believe that you can cheat emotionally.