T
Devoted September 2012

What are non-traditional things you're doing for your wedding?

The Sealpups, on July 14, 2019 at 9:17 PM Posted in Planning 0 22
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I come from an Asian Catholic family - both of our sides expect this big, 300 person wedding with 50 additional Godparents walking down the aisle with us, all the little girls we know as flower girls, spotlight on all of our immediate family members, bouquet/garter toss, speeches from our moms, and a wedding slide show of our pictures.

- We are only keeping the guest list less than 200

- We have 4 Godparents total (2 pairs)

- only 2 flower girls (WHO CAN WALK, No babies!)

- no spotlight on immediate family members (i mean, it's OUR wedding)

- no bouquet toss: i hate that people use this as an excuse for you to get married or single shame. I was with my FH for 6 years before being engaged and people would HUNT me down to participate, just to tell me to get married. I may have a fortune bouquet toss but I'm scared people will get confused

- garter toss: i've always felt uncomfortable doing this and now that I'm in my 30s, I'm more of a prude. We come a from a culture where relationships/boyfriends were discouraged and now you expect us to be cheeky/flirty in front of our family members? And why does it have to be under the girl's dress? We're thinking of reversing it and I grab the garter under his pants hahaha

- speeches - i felt that speeches stopped being about the couple and more about family stories with road trips. It's not a family reunion, it's about the bride/groom. Our moms also tend to do "asian brag" and i hate that. We're gonna have someone interview them on camera and ask - describe bill as a kid, how did you know he was in love? what advice do you have for sarah? what advice do you have for them as a married couple? THAT way the context is about marriage and the couple The moms also tend to drag on and on with speeches. We may also do a surprise tribute for our moms and MAYBE do a quick slideshow of our pictures with our moms to thank them and proclaim our love.

- NO wedding slide show - honestly, i've never cared to watch them and people can get narcissistic about it. It drags on like speeches. I wouldn't expect people to sit through ours


22 Comments

Latest activity by Melle, on July 26, 2019 at 2:56 PM
  • Monique
    Master December 2019
    Monique ·
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    I come from a Hispanic family where it is tradition to do the money dance. I wont be doing that. I dont Like the idea of it.
    • Reply
  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
    • Flag
    No bridal party at all. I won’t be walking down the aisle. We will already be standing there holding hands and guests will be sitting in a circle around us. We’re shy, we didn’t want a big traditional ceremony.

    No bouquet toss, garter toss or speeches.

    No DJ(that’s the norm around here) we’re having a celtic band perform for us.

    Our first dance is a folk dance(definetely not to norm here)
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I also hate the bouquet and garter toss.
    Don't get up under my dress! I'm not even prudish, I'm wearing shapewear down to my knees, and I still hate the idea. And have you seen the price of bouquets?? I am not tossing it!!
    I'd be alseep for a slideshow, we're thinking of having our moms do speeches because they hate people and would keep it short 🤣
    • Reply
  • Jeanelle
    Super September 2018
    Jeanelle ·
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    We are an Italian American groom and a Chinese Filipino bride. We are both product/app designers and we played by our own rules. We tossed things aside and shook them up. Before we were engaged we talked about brunch weddings, and he even proposed to me over making breakfast at home like we do every day in our apartment.
    We had an adults only boozy brunch wedding dance party midday (11:30am) on a Sunday. We had all our our wedding photos done before the wedding happened with extended family. Our wedding party included only my best lady and his best man/brother. At 11:30am on the dot we began our wedding as the reception. People were handed mimosas and could pick from 4 signature cocktails and had food right as they arrived. No assigned seating, it was held at one of the cities best restaurants and bars since food and drink was one of the top priorities. We had barely any decor with exception of a cardboard cutout of us welcoming our beloved guests, Jenga guest book, and programs and sparse signage. Florals were the main decor and instead of typical bridal or formal florals it was a mix of tropical and textured wildflowers.

    Motown and 50s music played throughout stationed brunch. My husband and I were able to spend all our time with our guests making our rounds and having a very laid back and enjoyable time.
    A couple hours in, the table at the center of the room with stationed brunch made an exit and it's it's place under a suspended palette with florals and greenery was a custom stage my husband's Uncle/godfather made us. My dad, his mom, our bests, and us went to a room as the 2001: Space oddyssey song came on. Everyone stood around the platform clapping as we entered and met our officiant. Our officiant welcomed our friends and family, our best man made his toast, my best lady made hers, then we exchanged our own vows. Right as we kissed and we're pronounced married the music dropped and the dance party instantly began.

    We had parent dances followed by our dance and then we started calling out groups of friends from school / met in NYC/ siblings/ cousins aunts and uncles/ all family/ all girls/ all guys/ everybody. We selected snippets of songs for each group and by the end everyone was on the floor partying and the dancing didn't stop until the end of the evening. We had pastries and baked goods for dessert, in addition to homemade Italian cookies and homemade Filipino treats, with Chinese roll cake.

    Truly a collaboration by my husband and myself and though it was a lot to pull off for a seamless party with no interruptions and was easy from the beginning. Best day every and we were completely in the moment every step of the day.

    We ditched the order of events, formality, mailed invitations, lots of registry items, no kids, no flower girl or ring bearer, small wedding party and our family was an extension of our party, no cocktail hour with the bride and groom missing, never being pulled away for photos, no bouquet toss now garter toss. No send off, no other events.

    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    We are skipping the garter toss also! I also don't want the officiant to ask who is giving me away. It's more common now to skip this part, but it's still common where I live.

    • Reply
  • Makenzye
    Devoted July 2019
    Makenzye ·
    • Flag

    First look, one of my best friends is a guy and he is standing on my side. so that is non-traditional. no garter toss

    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    Definitely skipping the bouquet and garter tosses. Super awkward and we don’t have many single people there.
    • Reply
  • T
    Dedicated September 2019
    Teresa ·
    • Flag

    Right before we're declared man and wife and the recessional...we're walking around and quickly greeting the wedding party and parents then we're walking down the aisles and very quickly greeting the guests at the end of the pews. If there are guests sitting in the middle we can reach over and quickly give them a hug or handshake as well. We figure this will take about 5 minutes max to do.

    Flower girl is either going to give our some flowers to guests or she'll be carrying a wand.

    Ring bearer is carrying a ring box instead of a pillow.

    I'm not doing a Bouquet toss. Instead, i'm doing a cake pull where the girls come up and pull charms from the cake before I cut the cake.

    No garter toss.

    I don't plan on doing traditional toasts. Instead i'm going to have one person just say "to the bride and groom" and have everyone raise their glasses.

    Mother/Daughter dance will be at the end before I leave for the night.

    • Reply
  • Tamera
    Expert May 2020
    Tamera ·
    • Flag

    We are not having a bouquet or garter toss. No flower girl or ring bearer. Small wedding party (1 MOH, 1 bridesmaid, 1 best man, 1 groomsman). My godparents will be involved, but he doesn't have any. No registering for China, because I will NOT use it.

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    Exactly. who still registers for China? haha and I don't think anyone uses it to be honest

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    I love the idea of greeting the wedding party and parents before going down the aisle - and the guests! That's great!

    I may take that flower girl idea with giving out flowers Smiley smile That is adorable!! I just need to decide when I would do that. We're doing petals (FH prefers it. Hmph!) and then for the recessional, we would give them a mini bouquet.

    That cake pull is genius!

    I'm excited for your guests at your wedding! I love how you personalized it Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    Thanks for sharing! I didn't even think about that!

    I don't like the "giving away" thing either. Now that you mention it, I think I will omit the "speak now or forever hold your peace" bc my FH has some narcissistic and toxic family members who would smirk or pretend to do it. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if his sister said something. SMH

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    Your wedding sounds like a dream! I'm sure it was beautiful! I'm a Filipino bride but born and raised in good 'ol 'murica. I feel like people expect this wedding to be one of those lavish Filipino weddings with 300+ people with 50+ Godparents when in reality, I just want a simple, classic wedding that is "us" with some Filipino traditions and some Catholic traditions.

    Can I take your jenga and 2001 space odyssey ideas? Those are AMAZING ideas!

    I think what we plan to do is meet with our guests during cocktail hour and take pictures with them then. That way we're able to really talk and thank them for coming. They also get a picture vs. (like you said) being pulled away to take pictures with us.

    Thank you for sharing! That was a delight to read! I would've loved to be a guest at your wedding! Do you have pictures on your profile? Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    Ugh, some people just don't know how to act in public!

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    You're so lucky that your moms would keep their speeches short! Ours are such attention seekers and dramatic haha

    I agree with you with the garter toss Yuck! Bouquets are so expensive, it's insane. I think I'm just going to make my fortune bouquet with fake flowers, i won't feel so bad and it's cheaper haha

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    That sounds wonderful! I also noticed that your wedding is in September too! Hope your planning is going well!

    PS: I loooooove that you guys are doing a folk dance with a celtic band!

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  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    Let's hope moms, dad, tias, and tios won't be offended. Then again, it's your wedding Smiley smile And looking back, you'll be so happy you opted out of the money dance. We have the money dance too and I'm thinking of cutting it as well. Takes too much time haha

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  • Monique
    Master December 2019
    Monique ·
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    Fingers crossed 🤞 lol
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  • Jeanelle
    Super September 2018
    Jeanelle ·
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    Thank you!!! Yes we opted for a 100 guest wedding and was a bit tough to let my mom know of our plans but it played out beautifully. Pics in my "real wedding" that should be linked on my profile 🙃
    • Reply
  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    Yeah, I can relate. I told my mom we wanted 150 and my parents freaked out. I’m happy to hear it played out nicely.

    Your wedding pictures are beautiful! WOW! It looks like one of those ad campaigns where they TRY to capture those beautiful, perfect weddings! That must have been a lot of planning for you to do but it looked like so much fun! As I’m getting closer to the wedding date, I have a deeper appreciation for the weddings that have their own identities- that’s what makes them special and something that couples can look back on with fondness. Thanks so much again for sharing!! 💕💕💕💕💕
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